I am married, not very well with my husband, but we have a kid. I think I would be happy with somebody else, in the same situation (married, with a child). We both decided to fight for our famillies and to meet in 15 years when our kids will not need us anymore. do you think it is possible a so long term plan?
2006-10-17 01:23:18 · 16 answers · asked by viola 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sure it is if you really want it,you will see that it happens.
2006-10-17 01:37:56 · answer #1 · answered by shepardman1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not impossible, but it is highly unlikely things will work out as you planned. Life changes, and 15 years is a long time to be married to someone when you aren't happy. It wouldnt really be fair on your hubby that you stayed with him just for the sake of it. I really don't think what you're doing is right. In all honesty I think the best thing to do is end your marriage now and let your husband move on. It's really not fair on him to find out in 15 years that you never wanted to be with him and you were waiting for the right time to leave. I would be devastated to find that out and I'm sure you would be too. Divorce isn;t nice for you or the child but if you arrange it amicibly it CAN work out. Your child would appreciate you following your heart rather than finding out you lived a lie with his/her father for most of his/her childhood. And for you - leaving now is better than living a lie for 15 years, and there is no guarentee that your lover will wait that long either. Life will change a huge amount in 15 years, you might not even be the same people. You would've developed and changed and will be going through a different life stage to what you are now. Follow your heart now rather than puttng your entire life on hold like this. It;s better and more respectful to everyone concerned.
2006-10-17 08:43:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for wanting to keep your family together for the sake of your children, but have you ever heard of the saying, "If mommy aint happy, then nobody's happy"? Sooner or later, your whole famliy will pick up on your unhappiness, inlcuding your child. He/she will sense your unhappiness. Your husband will sense it, as well. If you are holding your heart for someone else, he will figure it out, eventually. And is this life fair for anyone, you, your husband and your child? I wouldnt leave your family for the sole purpose of that other man, especially if he isnt sure what he wants either, but before throwing in the towel and calling it quits for good, why dont you tell your husband how you feel and try a separation. Separating from him will either confirm you will be better off without or will remind you of how much you do still love him and make you reallize that you do still want him. Best of luck to you.
2006-10-17 10:44:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you are unhappy, you are being naive. Men do not leave thier families. Typically, they will stay in a marriage because it's convenient. I think you are buying into a load of bull, no matter how deep your heart is in it, I bet you, he will find someone else. Women will drop their families in a heartbeat if they think they can find a "better situation" because they tend to be a bit more self centered. But let me tell you, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Relationships with ANYONE, worthwhile are work, so do the work to make your current situation better. So, to answer your question, no I don't think your long term plan will work for you. Sorry!
2006-10-17 08:52:39 · answer #4 · answered by favrd1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you spend anymore time planning and dreaming of 15 years from now, you will be emotionally cheating on your husband for the next 15 years.
Put all the time, energy, and planning into the relationship you now have and you might discover happiness to fill your life for the next 15 years and hopefully beyond.
Happiness and validation come from within, another person can not give you these things.
2006-10-17 08:34:20 · answer #5 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible but risky. It does not make since to hold make some feelings that you can accumulate with your husband because you know that you are meeting back up with some guy in 15 years. You could be cheating yourself out of a good marriage by doing this. Are you going to still keep in touch with this guy over the years?
2006-10-17 08:36:57 · answer #6 · answered by Sweetcheeks 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in 15 years time anything can happen...think it is a very childish thing to plan to meet with someone 15 yrs from now...Your husband and his wife aren't aware of your plans, and it is a total plan of deceit....your gonna stay with him so you have a roof over your head, and the guy has his wife to take care of the kids...It is very selfish on both your parts, it shows immaturity on both of you. If you feel so strongly for each other, you would just leave, but ya'll want your cake and eat it too, "for the sake of the children"...bet your kids would be real proud years from now to read your question...Lacking in morals big time...
2006-10-17 08:41:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my god..this is exactly what my ex lover and i went through. we broke up because we couldn't or rather, he couldn't live with the guilt of cheating. We still want each other and he is planning on leaving his wife when his kids grow older, another 15 years as well. so am i and i am hoping that i will be in his arms again then but then, 15 years is a long wait..so, i am kind of sceptical that it might happen for us but hey, maybe, you'll get lucky! Goodluck
2006-10-17 09:10:47 · answer #8 · answered by angelheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will better explain in a song,.
Helen Reddy - I Cant Say Goodbye To You
I CAN'T SAY GOODBYE TO YOU
-Helen Reddy-
you say it would be better
if we stopped seeing each other
if you had only met me first
when you were free
'cause now you've got commitment
i should not expect things from you
that you can't give to me
oh, but baby, can't you see
i can't say goodbye to you
no matter how i tried
you're such a part of me
withour you, i would die
deep, in the heart of me
i know that you and i
were meant to be be together
i can't tell you goodbye
neither of us planned
that we would fall in love this way
but since we did
why should we be apart
sometimes, some things happen
that can never be explained
now, it's too late for me
i've already given you my heart
i can't say goodbye to you
no matter how i tried
you're such a part of me
withour you, i would die
deep, in the heart of me
i know that you and i
were meant to be be together
i can't tell you goodbye
who knows why we choose
when we choose the ones we love
who knows why we do the things
we do when we're in love
i know that you're a decent man
and you try to do what's best
but how can i forget
all the feelings we have shared
i can't say goodbye to you
no matter how i tried
you're such a part of me
withour you, i would die
deep, in the heart of me
i know that you and i
were meant to be be together
i can't tell you goodbye
(you and i were meant to be, forever)
i can't tell you goodbye........
2006-10-17 08:59:18 · answer #9 · answered by just me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Luck If you are emotionally attached to this other guy it wont work. Besides can you really keep this charade up and still be a great wife to your hubby? Probably not in that case you will hate him in less than a years and he will not like you either. Good luck
2006-10-17 08:33:41 · answer #10 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i do. but i honestly dont think you made the right choice. your children will always need you no matter what there age is, and they will be able to sence that you are not happy with there father. i belive that it is hard on them at first but in the end they will be in a better life if you are happy also. i went threw this with my childrens father ended up getting my divorce to keep my sanity and my children are happy and so am i
2006-10-17 08:34:31 · answer #11 · answered by crazylady1193 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋