...poem for thoughts..?

Question

entitled: We Really Arent Teaching Him OF Getting Over Death

at the end of time, on a ledge far from space, waits an impatient figure, with a disappointed face. hes counting his blessings, in utter disgust, theyve poisoned his dreams, and betrayed all his trust. the winged sit beside him, trying to comfort his heart, for now he does know, with this world he must part. between heaven and hell, theyve wasted away, taking harm unto others, using war as a play. so many times he has tried, to straighten their path, so many times they have wandered, felt his fury and wrath. their mistakes they cant learn from, past repeating itself, putting peace love and prosperity, behind power fame and wealth. now the sky turns to black, and with a wave of his hand, this planet will crumble, and turn into sand.

Answer 1

Interesting.....it might be easier to read if you put it in regular poetic form.

Answer 2

... Too religious. Bleh. And I personally don't fancy rhymes unless done by professional poets (because they know what they're doing. duh). Also, it's a bit simplistic and cliched; it's essentially stuff I've heard before. Be original! And you really should put it in stanzas. Remember, do NOT use commas when you just pause. You write it out like regular sentences, meaning there are commas where there should be, periods where there should be, etc. The only difference is the spacing and ending of lines... and you read it regularly, too (if you didn't know that). So, you don't just stop reading at the end because it's the end of the line... if it's not a completed sentence or there's no comma, then keep going. Ex:

At the end of time on a ledge far from space
Waits an impatient figure with a disappointed face.

Every letter of the first line is started with a capital, okay? Don't just throw in random commas! That's proof of your inadequacy, so learn when to use them correctly. Yeah, I'm going off on a tangent, but I hope at least some of this helps you improve... I don't mean to be critical, but that's just how I am.

OH! And shorten your title! Be succinct.