I have finally decided to let go of my lover and go back to my husband. Although i am trying very hard to keep myself busy but i still am unhappy and unable to get my lover out of my head! It hurts and even telling myself that my lover is not worth it to risk losing a good family doesn't seem to work. The more i try to forget him, the more he gets into my head and my heart! What should i do? My husband is very loving while my lover has given me the cold shoulder. I thought that would make it easier but doesn't seem to be. Any advice? Have i done the right thing in giving my lover up and staying in a marriage for the kids' sakes?
2006-10-16 16:17:52 · 19 answers · asked by angelheart 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dont judge me by what i did. It was under strenous circumstances that i strayed. My husband was mentally and emotionally abusing me until he found out that i am attracted to another. Then he started being nice hoping to salvage this marriage. It doesn't mean that i don't love my husband. It's just that i find it hard to forget my lover. By the way, i have NOT slept with my lover yet. I held back because i wasn't sure.
2006-10-16 16:34:54 · update #1
I didn't sleep with him but we had passionate make out sessions and he has asked many times but i keep giving him excuses. I wanted to be sure.
2006-10-17 01:56:34 · update #2
i commend u on waiting and keeping the promise u made hen u said "i do: not meany people do that...it says alot about the person u r...ask ur husband to go to couseling...but please dont fol urself he may only be being nice and not abusing u b/c he knows there is interest somewhere else. once thats gone he may b back to his old rotten self ..tskr it from someone who has been there.. i ws in a abusive relationship and left for the good of myself and my chiodren and now am happy and with the man of my dreams....u need to take sometime to do little soul searching about u and ur kids.. not ur lover. keep him out of the picture.. is is about u and ur children welfare.
2006-10-16 17:10:36 · answer #1 · answered by wildspirit1313 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never saw the words "I still love my husband." Do you? That is the question you should be asking yourself. If the answer is yes, then the two of you probably need to have a long talk and you need to work together on rebuilding the relationship. If the answer is no, then get out now. DO NOT stay in a marriage for the kids' sakes. They will hate you in the end for hurting their father and for lying to them. As for the lover, stop trying so hard to forget him. The separation will take care of it in time. You will reconnect with your husband and rediscover what was missing in your marriage. You'll no longer need the lover and he will soon be a faint, distant memory.
2006-10-17 00:02:48 · answer #2 · answered by AileneWright 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, I've been in your shoes minus the kids. I come from a set of parents where my dad constantly cheated on my mother. My mom only stayed with him for us kids. It didn't do any good for us, especially when we knew what was going on. We lost respect for our dad and mom. Grew insecurities that I still have today. In my first marriage I was happy until I discovered it's not cool to have your husband be so abusive mentally and verbally. He would try to control my every move. I couldn't visit with my own family members without him present for he feared they would turn me against him. I thank God we didn't have kids. I did however stray and at the time it was great, but looking back I regret it. The grass is really greener on the other side but it doesn't stay green for long. You realize things are either the same or much worse. Go to a counselor, forget the lover if nothing sexual has happened or even if it has forget him. Think about the good things and times with your husband and seriously seek counsel for yourself and maybe your family.
2006-10-16 23:47:05 · answer #3 · answered by odessa2469 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your calling him your lover but say you haven't slept with him. Sorry but how can he be your lover then? Sounds like he was just a friend if you weren't intimate with him. Anyway, the easiest way to get over him is to put all of your concentration on your marriage. Get it back to where it should be. Don't waste precious time on a "lover" that is giving you the cold shoulder. He's not interested.
2006-10-17 01:28:44 · answer #4 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would also be careful aout how serious your husband is about his change. (is this only going to last until he is sure you are all his again).
I can understand needing emotional connection, but I think the other man was using you and the fact that he is giving you the cold shoulder does not bode well for him.
Maybe you should step away from both relaionships, and take some time to figure out what you really want. It sounds neither can be waht you need. You might need to find someone who is good to you most of the time, not just when they want something.
2006-10-16 23:48:37 · answer #5 · answered by Cheryl F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is unfortunate that you did stray, even if it didn't end up being a physical relationship. Still, you did the right thing by leaving your 'lover'.
Now you and your husband should go to therapy and if he won't go, you should go. You strayed once and you may stray again. You need to figure things out, for the sake of your marriage and children.
2006-10-17 00:03:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um i dont think it is fair to your kids that you stay in it for them because you could be causing it to be miserable and there could be tention in the home and later on your kids dont know how to love because you didnt know how and you should have thought about your kids before you started cheating on your husband I cant believe that you even wrote about this you are being dishonest to your family and to me you arent helping anyone out except for yourself and you are going to keep this lie up of everything is ok and you were cheating on your husband now you have brought the possiblities of diseases to your marriage because who knows who your "lover" has been sleeping with besides you and who there partners been with and now you want to pretend that you guys are happy for the kids who is this really helping you or the kids? If you want to make it work with your husband you have got to come clean and let him make the decision on what he wants to do not you because it is only going to work if he knows because it is not fair for him to be stuck with you as long as your being dishonest if he is willing to work it out then he is a good man and if not that is your bad and now you can go back to your "lover" so it looks like a win-win for you huh?
2006-10-16 23:28:41 · answer #7 · answered by Jaime T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children doesnt want to see the pain, that either of you have, by being together. If being apart makes you happy they will support it. I am sure they dont want to see the fighting. On the other part, do you see yourself being married to your lover? Your husband and you need to make a decision on if you guys want to save your marriage, or end it.....
2006-10-17 00:23:40 · answer #8 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you want a stable life for your kids or is life all about you .your husband is one hell of a guy to take you back..who do you think you are to have these choices when you have kids to worry about my lover this my lover that,, your lover is just your lover and what does your lover bring to the table...life is not all about you and your sex life get real your a MOTHER act like one,,,sureilll
2006-10-16 23:37:48 · answer #9 · answered by COOKIE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your lover is not very affectionate as you've stated he gives you the cold shoulder. If your husband is loving and you've chosen him, forget the other man. If you are staying with your husband for the sake of your children and you don't love your husband then move on.
2006-10-16 23:24:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋