I dont have a job nor do I have a license, I plan on getting these before we split up, we have agreed to wait until taxes so he can get another car and give me the other one we have, and Im going to get my permit this week. Im over 21 so I only have to wait thirty days before I get my license, but I dont know how I am going to do this by myself. It seems so hard. I supported us for four years but havent worked since I got pregnant with my first son, I feel really helpless. I need help on how I can move on, can you help me to figure out what I need to do because we both agreed that I will have custody of the children. I am afraid Im not going to make it or atleast I dont know how to make it alone, can you help me in figuring out what I need to do? So that I wont be so helpless, aside from the above mentioned
2006-10-16 16:11:12 · 19 answers · asked by beautifullybroken 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Seek counseling before you get divorced....it can only help!
2006-10-16 16:14:32 · answer #1 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can do it.
If you can agree to it then maybe you can have shared custody. Raising kids alone his very difficult but it can be done. Find out what he is willing to do to help. If he isn't working then he could maybe watch the kids so you don't have daycare expense. If the two of you plan on living in the same town then there is no reason why you can't still share the responsibility of raising your kids. This is the ideal situation even for the kids because they need both of you in their lives full time. Assuming you are both good parents.
If he is working then he can still help with other responsibilities of raising the children.
How did you support yourself before without a driver's lic or a car?
It will be hard but you CAN do it. Just stay focused on the well being of your children and you will do fine.
2006-10-16 23:21:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contact a Lawyer about his paying child support and spousal support for you, since you are not working,spousal support for a certain amount of time should be granted. Have the court to take the money from his paycheck, so, you will not have to worry monthly if he will give it to you. If you are renting contact an agency to help reduce your rent, and utilities. I do not know what area you are, so, I can not specify what agencies are in your area, but most have them. Find a daycare that will keep your children for free or on a pay scale, and look for a job.Rely on the aid of family and friends to help. I am not going to say this will be an easy process, because it will be difficult in the beginning, but things will fall in place, and you will be happy again. Do not forget yourself, make time to have fun, even in this hardship period, your troubles will not last forever, you are strong and you will come out a winner.
2006-10-17 01:04:52 · answer #3 · answered by RY 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, i am so sorry to hear that but you have to pull yourself together first. Take it a day as it comes. Don't stress yourself out worrying about three months from now. Work on it, week by week. Start with what's immediate. Find a place for yourself and your son, settle down then think about getting the licence. When these are all done, try looking for a job. In time to come, it will be easier. Meantime, you have to be prepared for lonely nights and frustrating days. But no matter what life serves you, keep your chin up. One day, you will see the rainbow in the sky and all will be well, hey, maybe a knight in shining armor may come and save you earlier than expected! Like my ex-lover use to tell me, if life serves you lemons, make lemonade...All my best to you!
2006-10-17 00:44:48 · answer #4 · answered by angelheart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably don't realize it but you are already doing it. You are thinking ahead, planning, & strategizing.
Sure you don't have all of your ducks lined up in a row yet, but you will be more ready when your split with your husband is finalized, than you are right now.
You supported your family for 4 years, so you know what to do.
You are NOT helpless. You are a capable, hardworking mom who has all of the necessary skills to make it on her own.
It will be tough, but live within your means, even if you have to sacrifice some of lifes simple pleasures for a while.
As long as your kids have a roof over their heads, & food on the table, plus a healthy happy mom, then they will have everything they need to grow up to be fantastic people.
2006-10-16 23:31:08 · answer #5 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you both agreed that you will have the custody of the children, make a written agreement with him that you will be provided with finanicial support.for you two kids, Better start looking for a job and learn to be independent. Whether you like it or not, be prepared to live alone. You can ask help from your parents to look after your children while you're in search for a job. Take courage and pray and seek God's guidance. Surely, God will make a way.
2006-10-16 23:31:06 · answer #6 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make sure you get some spousal support. You husband can't leave without helping you out financially or until you get a job, but still he needs to support his kids. You go get a job and if you have girlfriends go out and have some fun. First and foremost make sure your kids are ok when you do so. Keep busy, hang out with friends and family. Really try to move on. Life is not over you are just starting a new chapter in you life. You are young you will find someone else who will love you, have not doubt about that.
2006-10-16 23:18:29 · answer #7 · answered by alter_egob 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if would try to work on the marriage and see if it can be saved if not baby girl it is time to get on your feet right now you are going to need support from your family if you can go right now first thing tomorrow morning and get your permit and license then go to the county and get some aid so you have some income coming in until you get a job save up and get a job but you have to know that you can do this and stop wallowing you dont have time you got to be strong for your children I have been where you are and something else is go get alimony and child support he should still help with the kids its his responsibility and look for apartments ask them if they have low income apartments most apartment complexes have programs and you will pay less but it will work out dont be afraid to ask for help from family
2006-10-16 23:42:03 · answer #8 · answered by Jaime T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Emotionally....it's going to be hard. What you have to do is focus on what you do have, not on what you don't...and that includes emotional, financial, everything. Those kids are going to depend on you and love on you like never before. It's going to be an incredible challenge. But I sense you have what it takes. Whatever happens, you are going to have to be your best friend, your best advocate, your own champion. You have to remind yourself that you got here not by making mistakes, but risking loving another person. Only you can determine the ultimate worth of that risk, but how many people really do give their hearts away in this day and age?
Also, you are going to have to demand that your soon-to-be ex step up to the plate....if you're getting custody, he's getting a child support payment every month. I saw your last question, regardless of his reasons for leaving, if he doesn't do right by his kids, he's a louse. With 2 children and full custody, that's going to be a significant chunk of his income. You'll just have to hope he has a good job.
Something that you're going to have to do now like you've never had to do at any time in your life is rely on the kindness of others. Regardless of your faith background, you will find many churches have means to assist single moms, don't feel too proud to ask for help, it will mean something to the people in these programs to help you, even if you don't start coming to their church or follow their beliefs. If church has burned you in the past, don't let one church out of tens of thousands keep you from trying. They can provide child care, food, clothing, holiday assistance, etc. But they can't help someone unless they know them and their need. They are not psychic.
Lastly, and this is going to sound weird coming from around here, but do not seek your comfort and solace in this internet world. Ultimately, your reality has to be based in reality; don't use this place to numb you or distract you from the things of life, because you don't have the luxury to do so. You have to be strong, mature, and most of all, content in your circumstances. Take care of what you can take care of. Don't do yourself an injustice by bringing another man in your life just because they are available; make sure that the next man that says "I love you" has the means to back it up and be there for you, no matter what.
Have courage.
2006-10-16 23:26:12 · answer #9 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'll definitely make it on your own...trust me. You should read the questions that I posted about my fiancee's ex-wife...all I can tell you is that maybe it's better that you guys are splitting up. Just remember that whenever you meet someone else, or when he does too, that it's all about the children and no one else. Make sure you guys talk about everything pertaining to the children and don't let jealousy issues come into your relationship w/ your ex-husband. I'm the "other woman" in my fiancees kids lives and I treat them like my own...and I would do anything for them, she just doesn't get it. Always make sure you and your ex give each of your significant others a chance before you make any rash decisions.
2006-10-16 23:17:26 · answer #10 · answered by hope578 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is called codependency. Do not fear tomorrow as fear is "false information altering reality". Do not allow your mind creating gloomy pictures. Take each day with gratitude - you are healthy, you have roof over your head & food on the table - so count your blessings. You have been blessed with two beautiful children. Do not worry, thing positive & write on paper everything that you want for your future: the house you want to live in, the car you want to drive, furniture, clothes, trips, work, money, friends, social life etc. etc. Project to the Universe your clear intentions for the future.
It is not easy, but unfortunately & sadly so many families are breaking up. Your number one priority must be the welbeing of the kids & your physical & mental health.
Time will heal your wounds.
Sending you love & blessings
2006-10-16 23:44:05 · answer #11 · answered by Angel Girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋