What can I tell my mother?

Question

My mother, who is a widow in her 60s want's to come live with me and my 2 kids. Honestly I do not want her to, but she makes it sound like I have no reason to say no. Has anyone else gotten themselves out of a similar situation and HOW?
Thanks.

I love her very very very very much BUT she and I cannot live in the same place...that is why I moved out at 17!

Answer 1

Hi Melody,
You only have 1 Mom!
Do you have the room?
Does your Mom want to move in because she doesn't have enough money to live? Is she lonely? She can't pay her bills, or for medications? She has medical problems?
If none of the above check into highrises for senior citizens, nursing home(she's not old enough I don't think), alturnative places for seniors. (there are always other seniors around & some do alot of activities)
I myself will never allow my Mom(87 yrs.) to go any where, she lives in her own home & 2 days a week I go over cook,clean & bathe her & grocery shop I have 2 other jobs besides,(I have 5 other brothers & sister that help too) & my daughter also helps( takes Grandmom out to eat), she has PCA girl that comes 4 days a week, plus all the nurses.
You should consider all the factors 1st then talk with your Mom about this. If she moved in with you then you could set down the rules and whatever else you think of (Mom there my kids Im raising them, if dating or husband etc.) You just never know what will happen besides she might just do some good. Believe me I know ( I'm in my 50's Mom thinks I'm teen ager-dementia). Good luck in your decision & have a good day!

Answer 2

That is the hardest thing you will probably do until she gets sick. My mom was sick, stroke, brought her home with me . My kids were older though. But, it was sooooo hard. No sleep for me. She couldn't be trusted not to go outside at night or to not cook or go down the road where there is a railroad track. I was a wreck. So, if she is fairly healthy and not wealthy I would get her on a list for elderly apartment housing and tell her it will be better and that you will visit often and make sure her needs are met even if you have to hire someone. If you have to talk to your husband and ask him to take the blame and tell her he thinks it will put stress on your marriage, which it will, by the way. Just be up front. Talk to her friends, surely she has one or two. does anyone she know live in elderly housing in the area? If so, get them together and talk to the friend about it.
It's a tough spot to be in. She may have to wait on a list for an apt. to become available. The rent is based on her income and assets. Does she own a house? There is a lot to it. Talk to the senior center about housing options, they will help you. good luck.

Answer 3

I understand why you are hesitant. My grandmother lived with us while I was growing up and helped raise me; my mother didn't have to worry about me at daycare while she was working because my grandmother was always home to take care of me after school. On the other hand, I saw how difficult it was for my mom to have a life; even though she was an adult, my grandma had a tendency to treat her like a teenager a lot of the time. If you do decide to do it, I recommend you make sure you have really strict boundaries about privacy and what you discuss in front of the kids - your opinions of each other will definitely affect how they feel about you.

Answer 4

What a pile of crap. i do not comprehend how old you're, yet NO baby might want to ever be made to shop a ensure;s secret from the different. None. Your dad's a cheater, and there is no longer something honorable or favourite about that. he's making excuses for something undesirable - he's betraying your mom's believe, besides as yours, and violating a promise he made to her at the same time as they were married. Wait until eventually he's no longer round, and tell your mom. she will be ready to be very very disillusioned - yet she needs to carry close. And this is no longer your fault that she is sorting out - she might want to besides. The blame is all his, and he advantages however he receives in go back. She needs to get a criminal professional, and a divorce. and also you want to guard her by technique of letting her comprehend once conceivable. do not ever believe all this slick garbage he's passing off to you. respectable adult males do not cheat in basic terms because they could be able to, anymore than they bypass a shop and take stuff in basic terms because they prefer it. What he's doing is faulty - and he's doing it to all of you. stay faraway from him.

Answer 5

be honest with her. there is a reason why you don't want her to come live with you - so whatever that reason is, tell her. but keep this in mind too: this person gave birth to you, took care of you, fed you, clothed you, raised you. i don't know what kind of childhood you had; if it was a happy one or not and i don't know what kind of mother she was to you -- but be honest with her. examine her situation as well: where was she before and what is her reason for moving and is there other family members that she could turn to. nursing homes could be another option. there is such thing as decent communities where only elders live. good luck.

Answer 6

No I haven't been in that situation. And of all of us kids (me and my siblings..) we all want to be the ones to take care of our mom when she wants to stop living alone. I'm sorry you don't love your mother that much. No, really I am. I hope you do better than she did for your children to love you when you get old and lonely.

Answer 7

I feel for you. You may have to tell her that you are not comfortable with the arrangement, and stick to it. Tell her she is too precious of a friend as it is, without ruining it by living together and getting on each others' nerves. Stick to it.
The only other option is tell her you are homeless.

Answer 8

ask her to find a place with people her age there are many good places for senior people to enjoy each other, and shes welcome to come and visit. tell her you children need their space and your busy working and wont have time for her- and you do not want her to complain later on that you have no time for her, tell her your life is busy and maybe at a later time but not now, tell her you love her but you also have a life- she has enjoyed her life up until she lost her husband and you too need your space.

Answer 9

Don't move her in . i moved mine in and my life was miserable trying to please hubby, my daughter , and my mother. God rest her soul she is gone now. But i have never had a life of my own. PLEAZZZZE say no. She will interfere with how you raise your kids.

Answer 10

let her enjoy her grand kids ,,remember...it's the best gift you'll ever experience before she leaves this wonderful earth