I need some sensitive but honest advice...?

Question

I was 4 weeks pregnant and I misscarried today. I not only feel like I lost apart of me but I feel I lost apart of my husband and most of all my child. I was not prepared to be a mother when I first found out I was pregnant but I acclimated to situation really fast. I had a love for my unborn child that I cant explain. Now I want back what I once had. I know I can always try again but I dont know if I should wait until I feel financially prepared or if I should try again. The question is, when will I ever feel financially stable. I may find myself waiting forever. I am 24 and I have been married for almost 2 years but I have been with my husband for 6. I own my own home and am a year away from getting my bachelors in Business Management. I feel I have all the crudentials I just want to be able to give my child the world. Am I ready? Will I every be ready, and if so, when? What should I do?

I am sooo sorry for posting this 100 million times. I was having problems with my internet and I didnt even think it posted once. I really am not trying to get pitty from you guys. I truly do thank you for the advice though, it means alot!! Sorry!!

Answer 1

I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I miscarried twins 5 years ago. It was emotionally draining. I never thought I would get over it. Three years later I gave birth two months early to a baby boy. He will turn two Friday week and he is health and happy. I have been married 18 years. You don't have to wait until you are wealthy...just stable. A baby needs two loving parents that want to give him what he needs most. Love. That is the world to them. You will know when you are ready...just reach to family and friends to help you through this difficult time.

Answer 2

well, that is something that you will have to find in your heart and answer yourself. Rather than just focusing on whether or not you are finacially prepared ask yourself if you are emotionally ready. It is really hard to go through a miscarriage. you may feel like you just want to replace what you have lost immediately, but you have to give yourself time to grieve. Chemically and hormonally your body is going through some crazy stuff too, so it will take some time to adjust.
Just wait a little while. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you, so you dont need to rush anything right now. Just be patient, and when the time is right it will happen. I know that sounds so cliche, but its true!
well, thats enough advice from a stranger! I hope it all works out. You will be fine, and when it does, enjoy!

Answer 3

since this tragedy happened, why not wait till you finish school? and you're only 24, you have penty of time
my story: i had a still born son 5 months ago. he was born at 21 weeks. my water broke prematurely due to an amniocentesis i had. I want a child really bad now too. i'm 27, have been married for 2 years. although no one can answer for you "when you'll be financially stable," go with your heart.
rigth now i'm supper depressed so i cannot conceive like this. i am trying to get over my son (although not forghet him).

i totally understand you when u said that u lost a part of you.

but next time do like i do. when u look in your husbands eyes, don't u see your baby? I know I see my song when i see my bhusband and i kiss my son when i kiss my husband and i hug my son when i gug my husband. i don't know but it helps me.

take care and happy conceiving!

ps, someone here said to wait a year and a half. not true (medically that is)
i was 21 weeks (5 months) when i gave birth, and that's considered full term (of course, it's not full term, but when u can conceive it is). i was told to wait for 3 normal periods. when u miscarry, u will have bleeding (abnormal periods). disregard those when u count your periods. only count 3 NORMAL periods. then u can try again.

i say try right after u finish school. young parents have more energy to raise kids. and taht way you won't be 90 and going to your sons/daughters highschool graduation!!

Answer 4

I'm sorry for you loss. You sound very sensible. I would probably advise you to finish your degree first and then think where you want to go from there. How does your husband feel about what has happened? Maybe you need to have a good talk with him and tell him how you feel.
The fact that you own you home is great, you're already better off than many young families. I don't htink anyone is ready until it happens.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 5

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my fullterm baby (40 weeks 2 days) back in July. She was stillborn and the doctors don't know why. I also want to be pregnant again but the doctors advised me to wait at least 6 months. I'm not sure when it is okay for you PHYSICALLY to try again but I'm assuming it would be fine because you weren't that far a long. As for emotionally it might be better to wait a few months before trying again. You need time to heal. You seem like you have a very good head on your shoulders so I'm sure you will make a good decision one way or the other. Maybe you can talk to your doctors and ask what they think. Once again I'm truly sorry to hear about your loss. I know how it feels :(

Answer 6

Aww hon I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I had one 4 years ago and I was completely devastated. I felt completely alone in the world. If you want to try for another baby, give your body about 6 months to get back to normal, and then you can try.

Here's an idea... give yourself about a year and a half or so, and save back a little bit of money each week. That way you have a chance to finish off your schooling (and way to go on the Bachelors!), and you have a chance to build a little nest egg for the baby's stuff, like clothing, diapers, formula if you would formula feed, etc. I did this with my child, and it helped ease off the financial sting of having a new baby, and made things go a bit smoother. Plus baby showers help out tremendously. Coupons for diapers, formulas, etc work wonders. And you could always buy things ahead of time, like the next set of clothes, next stage of diapers, etc.

Good luck girl, and I wish you the best. I am so sorry for your miscarriage.

Answer 7

I am very sensitive to this subject. I am very sorry for your loss. I have had two miscarriages in the past two years and it has changed the person that I am inside. You will never be financialy ready and you will always want more than what you have and need more than what you can afford. I feel that trying again is the only thing that will fill that void. The doctor told me that I could start after a normal cycle because it was early in the pregngncy.

Answer 8

I would finish school first. Aside from that, I was always told you will never been 100% ready, so try when you think you are closest. You are only 24, you have lots of time. I feel for ya, you hear that little heartbeat and it is all over... new kind of love, right? Give yourself enough time to grieve and finish up school, it is only a year. I am so sorry about your miscarriage. It may be hormones, but that puts me close to tears. Good luck!

Answer 9

If you want a child than go for it. I don't think anyone is ever fully ready or prepared for a child, but people do it everyday and it works out fine. Let everything settle for a few weeks and discuss this with your husband, you definitely want to be on the same page.

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Have you thought about counseling to work through the grief? Good Luck with everything and God Bless!

Answer 10

My advice is to wait until you finish school. You can always take time off from work once you have children, but it will become increasingly difficult to complete school once you have an infant. Wait that one year. You have a good stable relationship, and that's great. But wait until you have the degree so that you can hopefully get a better caliber of job once you re-enter the workforce.

As for feeling financially stable, most nobody ever does. Just keep a budget and try your best.