we have 4 kids ranging in age from 20 to 10.........anyway they witness him with this girl he left me for.....which bothers me to no end......how can he think its ok.......he hasnt talked to them about anything and it doesnt seem to bother him that he is no longer in their lives on an every day basis...plus he never asks about me nor talks about me and when he does talk to me he is usually very nasty....why he did this not me..........
2006-10-16 14:11:52 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
age old question. do the best you can. live each day loving your kids and yourself like you ought to. you can try to tell him what he is doing to his kids and help him see how important it is for him to try to have a relationship with them. but you can not make another person do anything they don't want to, but you have full charge of what you do from this point forward. Good luck and hope it goes better.
2006-10-16 14:14:19 · answer #1 · answered by Batman has left the building 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry this had to happen to you!
It seems that your hubby is feeling resentful or bitter towards you for certain things you didn't do (or did!); he may also be blaming you for the things that he is doing right now (ie. having another woman or extramarital affair).
If he isn't bothered about informing the family of his decision to stay out with that girl, then it is obvious he isn't afraid of hurting you.
There is no easy way "out" unless he is willing to speak to a marriage counsellor. The thing is, are you ready to forgive him if he regrets his affair, and if given a choice, does he want that girl or you??
You have to talk things out with him before deciding if that's the end of the marriage. Show him the respect and also demand that both of you talk without blaming and accusations, and that when you talk he shuts up and vice versa.
"I need to know if you still love me cos I still love you. When are you coming home?" Perhaps, tell him you both need a vacation.
If he still can't speak to you with respect, then he isn't capable of loving you anymore. It would be very hurting for you but you have the wisdom to see if the marriage should dissolve or not. Good luck!
2006-10-16 21:45:00 · answer #2 · answered by MyQute 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I went through a breakup involving children as well. What helped me to get through it was to let go of trying to figure out the other person. I learned to just accept that this is who they are and that I must move on. Remember, unfortunately we cannot control everything in our lives. In situations like the one you are currently facing you really can only do so much. You cannot change the other person. Since there isn't much you can do, it would ease your pain to let go of your negative feelings and focus on the things that will make you happy. Life is too short to focus on such painfull thoughts. Things will get better :) Be positive and positive things will happen!
I recommend you check out www.stresscenter.com
2006-10-16 21:21:08 · answer #3 · answered by PrimeTime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot fix him and it is not up to you. Also, without you saying anything negative about him your children they will eventually figure things out for themselves. I would let him live his life and you live yours. You put your children first, as they are going to need you during this difficult time. If he says bad things about you he is just trying to re-leave his guilty feelings. Kinda like, "she was such a bad person..blah, blah" Doesn't make it true, so hold your head up and be the better person because he sure isn't. Most of all you can't change him only your responses and yourself. Don't let him push your buttons, as this will only confirm him and he can say "I told you she was a b......" Don't give him the chance to hurt you anymore. You need to move on, he has.
2006-10-16 21:27:23 · answer #4 · answered by Just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only reason I can think of is because of his childhood, and because of his relation with the family (though I don't know much about family, I did study a little about it before). He was no good because he lacked leadership and role model for the kids and something that you needed. I'm sorry this happened to you, but know that everything will be alright in the end.
2006-10-16 21:15:51 · answer #5 · answered by DN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband just up and left you with four children, if I was in your shoes, I would be a wreck.
My first peice of advice would be talk to a lawyer, at least you may get some child support for the children who are still minors. Then I would suggest you see a family therapist, it might help you and your children move on.
2006-10-16 21:15:21 · answer #6 · answered by di12381 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please take a hold of yourself! You simply must not waste your time pining for something that is not there...And in this case, do not , and i repeat, please do not expect him to come back repentant and all for now. If he does in the future, well, that is a different scenario. But the thing is, tomorrow is not today, so, you get hold of yourself and live today at the fullest way possible and that means, moving on with your life and loving yourself in the process.
You should wallow in self-pity only for awhile, after that, you need to brush yourself, and move on...
AND SAY, "Good Riddance!!!!!"
As my sister used to say, YOU STILL HAVE A LOT GOING ON FOR YOU GIRL!!! Now is definitely not the time to give up.
2006-10-16 21:36:01 · answer #7 · answered by sexy_mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sounds like the rest of us divorced Mothers.......if there is one out there who hasn't sang this song they should let us know!! I can't tell you why he did or does it that way. All I can tell you is that you are not alone. Don't let it bother you what he does or Say's he isn't worth all that effort. Move on and get a life for your self and if he tries to get you back tell him no!! If you make your life better what he does is not important any more. He has moved on and does not care about you or your feelings and it sounds like he doesn't respect the children either. Remove him from your thoughts and your life.
~Good Luck~
2006-10-16 21:17:58 · answer #8 · answered by vtlovie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wanted to be in their lives on an everyday basis would you allow him to even if he still didn't want to be with you?
Did you expect him to not go on with his life?
Grant it he should have mentioned this new girl to his kids before they saw them together but that really has nothing to do with you.
Why would he ask about you... you are the ex? I think you should take a lesson from your ex and move on with your life.
2006-10-16 21:28:09 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you seems to me sweet and imotional girl if he don't takes care of you then ignore him and you do concentrate on your kids and ur life coz they needs your love, probably when ur husband will regret himself he would really come back to you he is now in impression of other girl but sometimes he would remember your love and your services so be always good and wait for a good time ur husband don't knows the value of true love what u provided him he would surely regret himself if u would be always at ur best with him, so don't b bother all thing would become good again!
2006-10-16 21:24:52 · answer #10 · answered by vishwas d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so sorry for you,he doesn't have the same morals as you do, so it feels normal to him, i would get me a restraining order,sue for child support, if your not working get yourself a job if you are overweight go to weightwatchers, show him that his opinion of you is not what you are. get a divorce, if theres no money for an attorney get a legal aide one. he is uncaring, just a black abiss inside, and although you can't see it now in the years to come your goodness will shine through, and you will find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. when he left you didn't loose anything. show him by filing for a divorce you are not going to allow him to disrespect you anymore. you deserve better, so prayer is the thing,in times of crisis we need divine intervention.
2006-10-16 21:32:05 · answer #11 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋