Now I am extremely depressed and alone.The father left me the day after.I don't think it was because of the abortion but I have no idea why he would leave me at a time like that.My psychologist doesn't help because I don't feel she understands.I feel so empty and that life is pointless now.I really want a child but now I don't think anyone will ever love me and I will never get another opportunity.Anyone else been through this or have any advice for getting through it?
2006-10-16 13:28:41 · 14 answers · asked by Malia B 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
How long ago did this happen??? You are right, it probably was the wrong time for him to leave you, but at least you found out before it was too late, Time heals, try talking to a real close friend or a councelor...there has to be some type of support group in your area as well...good luck and don't be to hard on yourself..
2006-10-16 13:31:48 · answer #1 · answered by - 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay malia this will take allot of time to heal. I went through the same thing, only me and my bf took 2 months to break up. The pain was incredible i cried everyday, and felt like i had lost the whole world. My worst was they told me the pregnancy didn't look viable and i need to go or an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech did not know the situation and asked if i wanted to see. Of coarse i said yes and there was the heartbeat and all. ( I was 3 months). It caused so much strain on the relationship we blamed each other allot, and neither of knew how to deal.
You have to take this day by day. It will hurt for a long time. Just because it happened this time does not mean that you cannot have kids in the future. I now have two, and both are beautiful and healthy. I will warn you though for of the other pregnancies i was so scared and worried, i even felt guilty for having lost the first. I thought that they would be taken away to.
Find some friends or family you can talk to, or maybe find another therapist. I did it alone and i am still healing. This was almost 10 years ago. Someday you will find a new man and all your dreams will come true. Remember you may not have met this baby yet but it was still a part of you and IS your baby. Don't let any one minimize your pain.
Good Luck & good healing
2006-10-16 20:46:34 · answer #2 · answered by krissy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of other women out there in the same situation as you. I do not know the medical reason for having an abortion and hope it was for something very serious. Things happen and u just have to learn to deal with them and get over them. I know it probably hurt to have one..just the thought. But U will have another baby in the future. U need to get on some antidepressants or something. I have been depressed in the past after a miscarriage of twins and it is hell. But I learned to get over it*not completely* But moved on. I had another baby soon after..a healthy baby boy. It will happen in time..the right time. U will find someone u love and that will love you. I have never had an abortion but know women who have and who were torn apart from it. Just pray about it and dont look for love..love will come looking for you. Go out and have fun and get your mind off of things. Do not sit at home and think about it, that will make things much worse. Also, take some vitamins, especiialy vitamin b-complex. U can try taking some 5-htp as well, these help enhance mood and are very good for treating depression and anxiety symptoms, I am on them for my anxiety and panic attacks and they have worked wonders..u can buy them from gnc or online at walgreens. whatever u do choose do not do anything stupid,u WILL get over it,it will just take a little time. U will have a healthy baby in the future,just wait until the time is right. Good Luck with everything! P.S this site will allow u to talk to other women like you and to post your feelings and comments without being judged.http://afterabortion.com/
2006-10-16 20:39:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow jncwhite! Shame on you. Are YOU going to be the one to care for ALL the medically infirm babies born in this world? YOU have no idea what the diagnosis was to be blaming this woman on her choices that were obviously heart wrenching and difficult for her to make.
There is no shame in what was done some of us unlike jncwhite are not perfect and the choices we make are done hopefully with the best intentions for all involved. I'm I so sorry that the father left when he did but try to look at it as a good thing it happened when it did or you might have been stuck with a handicapped child AND no support physically, mentally or financially from him. God Bless you because YES He loves us all. Sorrow will stay with you your lifetime but the heart ache eases with time.
2006-10-16 22:23:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get professional help. It helps, altough you have to be prepared to talk about everything to a stranger. It gets easier though. I cried most of the time at the beginning of my treatment process during the sessions. It's ok. *** I truley believe that some people have to crash emotionally to the lowest of low to find happiness. Usually for the first time of feeling complete happiness. Counseling brought a "new me" to this world and I would never change getting that depressed. I love myself so so so much more than I did before. So do others, making new friends and connections.
2006-10-16 20:50:56 · answer #5 · answered by h.marieh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did what YOU needed to do. It perpetually amazes me how some people feel they have any right to make judgment call about something so personnel. You sound depressed which is totally normal all things considered. Dump your current psychologist and get a new one, or find a General Physician, right away!! and tell them how you are feeling. You need a little help right now. Best of luck to you!
2006-10-16 20:46:12 · answer #6 · answered by Thankyou4givengmeaheadache 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're gonna be ok, just hang in there and things will get better. If the father left you, that simply means that there is someone more suited for you out there and once he comes along you will forget all about the one who left. I don't know where you are spiritually, but if you will turn to God for guidence you won't be let down. Pray and trust that God will help you. Don't give up. Press thru these difficult times and you will be a stronger person for it. God bless.
2006-10-16 20:37:19 · answer #7 · answered by HazelEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i had an abortion for medical reasons as well and the father didn't leave but our relationship did get pretty bad after that , i know the feeling of grief and depression , i also know that even though it seems like the counseling isn't helping , it will believe me Hun I've been there, hang in there you will find someone to love you and treat you well and eventually you will have a family , (((hugs))) i hope you keep getting the help you need , it will all work out in a while , i promise. i am sorry about the situation u are in .
2006-10-16 20:34:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well I was pressured to have an abortion for "medical reasons" (Trisomy 13) but I went to term BUT tho Im pro life I understand wholley how emotionally charged that choice can be at a time like that. Unless your talking Down syndrome,I dont look at that like a medical excuse at all. However,I went to the clinic and decided it wasnt the right choice for me or my family.
Babycenter.com has a message/support board,go under pregnancy;poor prenatal diagnosis and terminating for medical reasons. Youll find alot of support and responses against it dont go through,so youll be safe. If youd like to talk personally my email is dtsiew@hotmail.com.
2006-10-16 20:33:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
After losing my baby I found great solace in a support group for fetal and infant loss at my local hospital. I think that where you chose to abort for medical reasons, you might find that something like this would help for you (or any type of loss group).
You should speak with your psychologist as well, and if things really aren't working with her, see if she can refer you to someone else.
2006-10-16 21:06:00 · answer #10 · answered by Emily O 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋