ive been with my bf for about 2 yrs now. We had a wonderful relationship in the beggining. We knew we were going to marry each other right away. Then things happened where he betrayed my trust & ever since I have punished him for it. He has shown me how sorry he is and how much he loves me. Lately though he has needed space b/c ever since that happened I have been paranoid and do bad things like snoop through his stuff. He just is very private about what he does. When i ask he will answer but he is protective of things like his phone and comp. i def dont think he is cheating i just am mad at myself for driving him away. At the end of the day I was just hurt by him betraying me and acted mean instead of hurt. Now he hardly touches me and we always fight. its gotten so bad. i really really love him and want it to work though but i am always paranoid. Ppl have screwed me over before & i tend to treat them nasty afterwards. Any way to get back to how we were? I miss it so bad,
2006-10-16 13:23:57 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i dont want to be so paranoid anymore but everyday do something to make it that way! its like a really bad self fufilling prophecy.
2006-10-16 13:24:44 · update #1
You said it yourself ''it's a self-fulfilling prophecy'' if you keep punishing him you will lose him for sure and if you love him as much as you seem to you will hate yourself . Look at it this way; try to imagine your life without him in it...could you?...would you mourn him as the greatest love of your life? If you heard he had died how would you feel? would you sit and think how no matter what he had ever done on you that you would forgive him anything and everything to have him with you again? These might seem extreme situations to imagine yourself to be in but sometimes that's what it takes. He betrayed you and he has been trying ever since to convince you he made a huge mistake and would change it if he could...he can't. Whilst I'm not belittling your considerble hurt in his betrayal, know this...there was, whether you'll admit it or not, a problem with your relationship as it used to be for this betrayal to have ever happened in the first place. He has acknowledged his part in the betrayal and your hurt...AND...he has stuck around obviously believing he's a total waste of space who deserves all the punishment you visit on him. You need to recognise his regret and his heartfelt love for you to persevere and to be there for whenever you feel you can forgive him...but he won't be there forever cos he can't exist feeling bad about himself all the time. Put your past hurts down to experience and move on to explore what may well be the very best times of your relationship yet...sit down with him and talk and listen.He obviously loves you tremendously and you seem to feel the same for him...don't punish each other for one minute longer than you need. You don't want things to go back to the way they were...cos they weren't good, despite what you might see though your rose tinted glasses. Start anew today.Be happy and leave the past in the past and start a brand new future today. I wish you happiness xox
2006-10-16 13:48:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all u better open up your eyes! If he had nothing to hide he would just show u his phone and stuff. Especially since he got caught once cheating on u and if u don't have faith in someone it will never work. He has broken your trust in him and u are acting like u r the one who did something wrong. Quit blaming yourself! More than likely he is still cheating on u. Take this from an older woman who has been thru life for awhile now. Good luck
2006-10-16 13:36:34 · answer #2 · answered by Ms J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey gal... i have been in your position before n even in much worse circumstances... here are a couple of advices... you pick which ever you think suits best...
1.Take a cool down period... (this help both parties to treasure each other better after reconciling)
2.Talk to him...(Explain ur difficulties to him n its not that you want to do those stuff its cos you dun feel secure enuf)
3.Search yourself...(Would you wanna marry a guy that has previously cheated on you before?What would you think if he does not ans your call n comes home late?)
4.Hang out with friends to widen your circle...(Hang out with your friends and get to meet new ppl...From there, you can decide if you still think your current bf is better or the new friends)...
Gal i wish you all the best n hope things turn out smoothly for you..
Cheers...
2006-10-16 13:35:45 · answer #3 · answered by mtwl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over the paranoia if he's doing nothing wrong. If you can't then you need to move on.
2006-10-16 13:31:54 · answer #4 · answered by ezgoin92 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath......swallow hard and give him a chance to prove he is and can be trustworthy.......give him the space he wants for a while......if he is behaving himself he will make the effort to prove it and if he is not......he will hang himself and you will catch him at it.......
2006-10-16 13:35:03 · answer #5 · answered by CUSTODIAN JOE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to end his relationship...it seems like too much work and you should have to work to much to be happy.
2006-10-16 13:50:32 · answer #6 · answered by Alina R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am surprised he is still your boyfriend. I would have been long gone.
2006-10-16 13:34:08 · answer #7 · answered by worldneverchanges 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋