Getting involved with a married man?

Question

I have been working with a man for about a year now who I have always been very attracted to. He was recently married within the past 4 months. For a while there was a lot of banter and/or flirting going on back and forth but nothing more than innocent flirting until recemtly. The conversations have gotten more personal and we have started talking on the phone and texting.

We have a mutual friend that he confides in about this situation. He tells this friend how he feels about me but always states how hesitant he is due to the fact that he is married.

I know this is wrong and I don't want to hurt anyone but I really like and care about this guy. He has even told me (and the mutual friend) things like he wishes he had met me before her. Yes this may sound like a typical line from a married man but I can't help but feel a connection with him. I can't really talk to many people about the situation so I need some advice.

No harsh words please.

I'm concerned about getting involved because I have seen the way these situations always seem to turn out. They wind up being too comfortable with the wife and having a convenient relationship on the side so they never change the situation. My head tells me I need to back off but I feel otherwise.

Answer 1

this guy is playing you girl. don't fall into his web. can't you see, he's just married and already bored with his life. he'll eventually get bored of you too. trust me.

Answer 2

You are having a war with your mind & heart....in your mind you really...really know this is not the right thing to do at all & it isn't. In your heart you have a connection & feelings, but your heart should also tell you not to hurt someone's spouse. Your heart should also tell you it will be broken if something does become of this & it doesn't turn out the way you want. Do not go further than it already has.........if he truly feels that he shouldn't have married her, then he should leave & do the right thing by her & you. Your mind should also tell you, if he does cheat on his wife then it is also possible that he is capable of doing this to you also. I know our ego's like to think that we are sooo special & beautiful, etc. that he would toss her aside & live happily ever after with you. He really needs to do the right thing & that is if he doesn't want to be with his wife, then he needs to leave her with or without you. If he can feel this way about you in just a few months of being married....personally I would feel distrust towards a man like this. He should still be in the honeymoon stage & either he is feeding you a line for his own ego/attention or he is not a committed type of man who is true to his word.

Answer 3

becareful, he may just be having newly wed gitters, and may find that he's made a big mistake by having a relationship with you. otherwise if you feel you two have really connected you need to discuss what kind of future relationship you would like to have with him. if you decide that being together is what you want then he needs to tell his wife and end their relationship, the longer he waits to do it the more it will hurt her, also if he is unhappy in his relationship with his wife and feels that their is nothing he can do to work through and really just wants you, its an even bigger reason to let his current wife go, him being unhappy will make her unhappy, in the mean time do NOT have any type of sexual contact with him, this will only make the situation worse, also remember if he's married and dabbling with you, it may mean he has a lot of trouble with commitment, in other words he could do the same thing to you, so think carefully if you want to continue a relationship with him, another thing to point out is it may be a phase (not trying to say you're not worthy of his attention) people always seem to want what they cant have. he may feel like he's lost some of his freedom by becoming married, and it may never go to more than flirting, if you feel this is the case you may want to completely cut the relationship off, if anything to prevent himself from unwittingly and unintentionally destroying the relationship he already has, but whatever you decide when you discuss it with him, you need to make the decision soon, the longer you wait the more hurtful its going to be for everyone involved

Answer 4

If u know in your heart it's wrong then what's stopping u from leaving him alone? I know u work with him so it's physically impossible to separate away from him but if I were u, I would tell him flat out that what u two are doing is very inappropriate and it should stop.

Yes,u are right...he may never leave his wife for anyone else and most likely he is just wanting someone on the side but if u had any respect for him as person at all, then do the right thing and get out of the way of his marriage. I tried not to be harsh but come on, all it takes is common sense on your part.

Answer 5

what do you mean no harsh words? you're asking strangers for advise on whether or not it is ok for you to be a homewrecker? you say you don't want to hurt anyone well what do you think it will do to his wife? and kids if he has any??? Yes that is a lame and typical line from a cheater trying to get into your pants anyway he can. he is gonna cheat on his wife and you think he will be faitful to you? the foundation is already set. Don't get involved with a married man- just heartache for everyone. if he was that miserable in the first place why didn't he get divorced already? Go find a single man, have some self respect- don't you think you deserve more than to be just someones piece that they are getting on the side?

Answer 6

You won't find harsh words here. I totally know how this feels. Like why should you give up your happiness just because he's married? The whole I wish I would have met you sooner thing is a killer, it sucks because that's not how things are and you can't change the situation. Girl I know! I am a strong believer in things happen for a reason and this relationship happens for a reason. Hang in there and see where this takes you. All of this may be worth the outcome. Keep me posted on this situation and if you need to talk more you can email me.Good luck!

Answer 7

Don't is what I say. It's not healthy to get involved with a married man regardless of his marital situation right now or what he has said to a mutual friend of yours about you or what he has said to you.

You have to remember would you want to be the wife and your husband have thoughts of another woman like he may have of you? Also you have to think about her, regardless of how she is to him or if she's the cause of the marriage not going so well right now, she is a person who probably loves this man.

If he makes a move and something does happen between you just think that he is more likely to do the same to you with another woman.

Think with your head and not your heart.

Answer 8

I'm trying really hard not to have any harsh words... You need to get away from this guy and find your own man. Let me say that I know SEVERAL people who have dated married men, fallen in love, and think the guy is going to leave his wife for her. Do you know how many times that actually happened? ZERO!

You say you don't want to hurt anybody, but you already have. The guy is MARRIED. He's playing you. As soon as you start nagging him about leaving his wife he'll move on to someone else who won't.

Plus, if the guy cheats on his wife with you, then why in the world would you want to be with him? If he could do it to her, he could definitely do it to you. And who says he wouldn't???

Answer 9

You're going to contribute in wrecking this guy's marriage man.

I feel sorry for this guy's wife. They are newly married and now he is carrying on this secret affair with you, and that is what this is, an affair. This is how things get started, and once they get going you will hang on to it like grim death.

If the guy made a mistake getting married that is between he and his wife.

Say you and he keep carrying on and he ends up leaving her for you. You'd finally have 'your man', and he'd have you. So then a year from now, you're at home and he's out with the guys, or he's at work.....what's he up to? Who's he talking to? Why did he work late every Tuesday for the past 3 months? Why is he on his cell so much lately?

Are you following?

You're sticking yourself out there in a bad way. If this guy is bent on cheating on his new wife, then let it be on someone else's conscience, unless you enjoy doing this kind of thing to people.

Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.

Answer 10

girl, all ur asking for is heartbreak. Think about when you get married and this was UR man. Would you like ur hubby to talk to some other girl the way you two are? I'm married and have flirted here and there, but never went that far. He married her for a reason, and I highly douht he's gonna leave her for you and if he does he's no good anyways, he will just do it to u sooner or later. It will be hard but more on, you deserve better sweetie! Good luck!

Answer 11

Don't do it, it's not worth it. Guys like this don't care about you, or hurting you. He will tell you whatever he needs to tell you to convince you he is so different, nice, sincere. Don't believe him, he will never leave his wife and people will place all of the blame on you. He will leave you hanging as soon as problems arise, put all of the heat on you. Just stay friends, don't put yourself in the situation if you are getting bad vibes. He will use you to get what he wants and kick you to the curb and move on to the next one when he is tired of you. You seem like a decent person, just make the best decision for you.