Ladies would you beleive your husband loved you if he cursed, yelled, at you or disregarded your feelings?

Question

My husband in anger or upset will yell, curse, and one time even said "**** You" to me. He also seems to dismiss my feelings or tell me that feelings can be wrong, it makes it hard to talk to him and I feel ike its pointless to go to him becauase he just disreagrds my feelings anyhow. He says he loves me troughout the day but inside myself I'm so pulled between if he really loves me or not. Is he a man with emotional problems or a man that does not love me?

Perhaps I should add he is in the Marine Corp Sargent E-5

Answer 1

It is quite possible that he does love you but the way he directs his anger is inappropriate and hurtful. I know because I have been on both the recieving end and the giving end. Neither is any good for the relationship. If he is unwilling to communicate properly and work on his problems then you need to get out because the situation is toxic and damaging.

Answer 2

there will come a time when your husband will enjoy the way that you talk to him. It is sure that a relationship changes when the ring goes on. It is in some ways unfortunate and it is in some ways just simple growth. You married a different man and he has seen you change after you became his wife. I am sure there are many things that you are asking him to express in words and affection that you can find out through more intelligent uses of your observation techniques. Do not worry or fret because you think that he does not love you like he did before. Rather spend your time in expressing yourself as a being full of love. Become the woman that you are inside and don't live for his affection. Be the woman you are and either he will notice your true radiance or he won't (literally) be good enough for you . I am in a similar situation as you. I felt for years ( it is the 9th year of my marriage to my lovely wife) that she was as a stone is to water. More or less she was indifferent to my running emotions over her. She would let my flow of emotions run over her like the day had more important things and that hurt me very much. To say it another way, I was hurt because I was focussing on feeling the hurt. But in actual fact my wife was (and is now) expressing her love for me, as I feel it truly now. She was expressing it in ways which were unique to her. She was not all lovey dovey, huggy wuggy or even kissy wissy. And that is what I thought was a core part of a relationship. I come from a family where respectful touch is a very important way of expressing your feelings and most importantly love. She comes from a country and culture where expression of love is most easily seen in the duties which you perform for each other. She makes such delicious dinners for me even though I am a trained chef. She wont let me in the kitchen. She has focussed so hard on making such beautiful hearty kind dinners that there is no way that I cant feel the love in there. Do you see what I am saying.? Some people are not very expressive in 'words'. Actually our society rewards people who can be verbally expressive and who can write well, but a lot of people are left out because of that educational bias. Is your husband a person who is naturally in a better mood if you can 'catch his drift' without him having to say too much. I think you may get the picture of what I want to say,. To be honest and sure I have no idea if any of it can be of use to you as you are unique. Just as your husband is. The truth of the matter is that your relationship is only ever in jeopardy if you want it to be. It sounds like you don't want that, so listen to the silent messages which are oozing out of the pores of your man, and learn to watch him more carefully. Express your own love and feelings in a way which is acceptable to him but don't go overboard, you'll just get knee-jerk. Expect love in return, look for it. He wants you to be a strong woman and find it in his silent loving ways. Understand him. Most importantly understand yourself and what you need. You can be happy with what you have. Good luck, Damian

Answer 3

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...

Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy, And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Answer 4

I thought your Q was going to be easy to answer cause it reminded me of my ex. I was going to say once upon A time, I would belive that he did. But I learned that he just wants to be in control & gets off on being "better" then you. So he really dosn't.
But after reading the rest, I don't know what to say.
Cause I guess I didn't learn very well seeing as how you just described my husband. Except he says **** you almost every time. And I've been thinking about what you said in your question alot lately.

let me know what you answer ends up being.

Answer 5

Wow are you ever being verbally and emotionally abused. I have a suggestion for you that will clear up your confused thinking. Order Patricia Evan's book titled The Verbally Abusive Relationship. You will be educated after reading it, and will recognize the behaviors and types of emotional control you are experiencing. It is a fantastic book, easy to understand, and one that I am sure you will relate to. It tells you how to recognize verbal abuse, why it's happening, and what to do about it. Get it- you need it- you won't be sorry, I promise. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think being a marine he is predisposed to being harsh. Usually I would say the guy is a jerk but for some reason I think his background influences the way he expresses himself. Marine seem to be programed to be hard a**es and he certainly would not be a hard a** if he acted all mushy and lovey. I believe he does love you he just is not the type to express it.

Answer 7

No I can't say out of the fifteen years I have never been called out or disrespect as a woman or a person. He has no respect for you as his wife you should be treated like a priceless jewel. Not like a piece of trash on the street.

The question is what are you going to do about it? He will continue to do it as long as you allow him to do so.

Answer 8

My own parents never even talked that way to me and I don't give a damn what anyone's else's standing rank may be, I will go off on them if they disrepect me like that and boot them out. Until they learn some manners, I would not waste time on them.

Answer 9

i wouldnt feel like i was loved, if you're having trouble communicating with him you may need to get a third party involved if you want to save the relationship, try marriage counceling, communication is very important in a relationship, if counceling doesnt help, and you've tried to work things out with him u may want to rethink continuing your relationship, your feelings matter just as much as his do, and if things continue like this you will only find yourself walked on and miserable

Answer 10

Dito to the answer above me....I'am also married to a Marine... He was so very nice at first!!!!.... Now he does anything he wants & says anything he wants...Awful things.... But then he goes back to that person long ago...Until the next time...............?