How do you explain to your child she is adopted when she will not believe you?

Question

We have 4 adopted children. They all have similar facial characteristics. But one in particular looks just like me, her mom, and even though we had a family discussion about the adoptions, she refuses to accept that she is. She says it can't be true because she remembers being inside my tummy and that she looks just like me, which she does. Everyone says so, especially my parents. She is just 8 years old. She is very smart, but adamant about this. Even my family has asked if I had gave birth to her. My current strategy is not to push the issue, but answer questions as they arise and hopefully as she gets older she will accept this. I hope this a good strategy. I'm not being an ostrich and avoiding it, but neither am I obsessing over it either. Thanks for your help.

Answer 1

you have answered your own question , do exactly like you have written. i adopted my daughter at age 7, after 2 months she called me dad and never mentioned being adopted until much later and only then to say how amazed she was that we were so close. she is now 32 and we are as close as ever. your daughter needs to feel she has a mom and dad just like her friends . you should be very happy she feels like this. she calls you mom and trusts so she probably already believes it. it really isn't that important right now she will bring it up when she has questions. also you can be sure the other 3 will remind her from time to time. you are wonderful people !!

Answer 2

Why are you telling her this at 8 years old? If she is making statements like "she remembers being in your tummy", than obviously she is not emotionally mature enough to deal with the fact of her being adopted right now. I am afraid that you may be doing her some psychological damage right now, despite your good intentions. Please get her some counseling so that she can work this information out in her mind in a constructive way. You don't need problems later...

Answer 3

She's too little to really understand just give her time and when she's ready she'll ask questions and then you can answer them. Just don't push it or bring it up.