Should I forgive him?

Question

OK. I was acting crazy for about 9 months. Maybve early menopause. Well, for several reasons I am not like that anymore. But during that crazy period, my husband moved out. He said that he hoped that I would "get help." Well, I am better. We have spent some time together and talk about the kids. He wants to come back, start marriage counseling as a precursor to moving back home in December. He has been gone 7 months. In the meantime, while away, he has had one pretty serious relationship, that ended, and he has been involved with two other women, one a divorce in the neighborhood, about ten blocks away. I want to say "just forget it" but we have three kids under 8. And I have to admit that I still have a thing for him. Anyone been there, done that?

Let me be clear. HE asked to come home. I am deciding whether to take him back or move on.

Answer 1

He used you as an excuse to go out and screw around he had his fun and now he wants to come back until he has another excuse to leave and screw around you got played ..and to do it in his own neighborhood he is a low life scum bag...sureilll

Answer 2

I have been there almost exactly - and not so long ago. We have recommitted and he ended the relationship with me present and under no uncertain terms. I had filed for divorce with full intent of following through. He agreed to some pretty heavy terms and has followed them very willingly. We've been together 10 years. I still have questions and he does answer them. I didn't want to throw it all away. It's only been one instance though. I am a forgiving person trying to look to the future. I think it's possible, but you have to continue to be cautious. Best of luck. His one son is 18 and moving in a few months, so for us it's like a new beginning.

I have pangs of painful memories and try not to overwhelm him with them. He's answered plenty and has very been cooperative.

You just have to go with your heart and keep your eyes open.. Let him know that he will have to earn back your trust and that you will always be on your guard.

Answer 3

Was this just a trial separation?? If so why was he dating someone else??? If he has been intimate with another women in the neighborhood can you deal with seeing her around. Have you dated others as well? If so maybe you should just move on..If not then get serious help!! Kids are not always a reason to stay together. You can end up causing more damage then good.

Answer 4

Well, since the two of you were seperated and you were getting help, it's not so much bad that he had other relationships.
In a marriage you shouldn't cheat... but because the two of you were temporarily seperated and weren't sure if the marriage would work, I believe it was best for him to explore other options to realize how meaningful you are to him.
Now that you're not "crazy" the two of you can work on saving your marriage. I believe that both of you can work this out with some marriage counseling. He has to forgive you for the crazy mood you were in and stress you put on him and you have to forgive him for expressing interest in other women.
It seems in your situation that this could be easily fixed with counseling, communication, and compromise. The 3 C's!
Best Wishes!

Answer 5

If he moved out, does that mean u guys were still in a relationship? Because if u weren't, then id say give it a try as a family again. He IS the father of ur children. But then again...he's had all these other relationships going on, does that mean he didnt plan on going back with you?....Did he want to move on with HIS life without u in it?....think about it.....Good luck.

Answer 6

I know you have kids with him, but think of the kids outside from wanting them to have both mom and dad under one roof, do you really want them to watch and learn that when times get rough that its ok for the man of the house to give up and run, and ponder this, you got better while he was gone, maybe its not all your fault with menapause, it takes 2 to fight and to make one another crazed. also only 7 months he was gone and he was able to move on into not only one but 3 relationships and 1 of them was serious. i would be hurt if i was that easily replaced. and that right there will cause you to always remember those "other" women not to mention the one in your neighborhood. and for him, he now knows when it gets tuff he can go and be with someone else and that you might take him back. to me thats sounds to complicated, to hurtful, to uncomfortable to bare or remember. i think this is one of those decisions you have to set your heart aside and look at this as if you were giving your daughter, sister ect this type of advise, what would you say, would you tell your daughter to forgive him for leaving her ??

Answer 7

I have been with a guy for 6 months and i have a thing for him ever since i met him, and If you love him and think it will work i say give it another shot. Trust me i have 3 kids with a different but i love my boyfriend so much we are getting married. And he had 2 casual realationships and 1 serious but they say if you love some one let them go and if they come back to you then its meant to be i say give it another shot

Answer 8

so let me get this straight you marriage vows did not include in 'sickness and in health'? really if he couldn't stand by you when you were going through some difficult times just when is he going to stand by you? let's say you end up with cancer and its just too much trouble for him...he going to leave then? he cheated at least 3 times while separated, not divorced...separated...once a person cheats they will always cheat. to me it doesn't sound like he cared that much for you in the first place if at the first sign of problems he fled and what about the kids he left them too and what about when they enter the teen years and there is problems he feels overwhelmed by, is he going to flee then too. as for having a thing for him...get over it, you're being immature,irresponsible and disrespectful to not only yourself but your children. find someone more reliable

Answer 9

If you were separated by mutual agreement, you can't really fault him for being with other woman, IF that was the agreement when you all separated. Having said that...if he has been a decent husband and good father by ALL means KEEP him. Being single with kids is no picnic.

Answer 10

You obviously have issues, and he probably does as well. Don't lie to yourself.

If you are already thinking that maybe it's over, then trust me IT IS OVER. No matter how sweet and good the good times were, they will not completely hide or prevent the bad times from returning. It sounds like he is already moving on, you need to also.