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My husband thinks that if something is not a big deal to him, then he doesn't mention it. For example, he is a little late leaving work but is playing foosball with his friends on base...I call and ask him if he's on his way, he just says "I will be home Shortly". I asked him why he doesn't just tell me what is going on at that moment like that he is playing foosball. He said because its not important to him. What I don't understand is if it is not important then what is the big deal in talking about it? This makes for some serious arguements in my home.....do other men work like this? Or does he just not want me knowing his business? I don't understand what is the big deal with saying what he is doing at that moment? Can someone help?

2006-10-16 12:33:54 · 20 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

He does this to me often with things, not just this time. He doesn't like sharing about what is going on, I'm his wife but I feel like he doesn't want me knowing his life or something.

2006-10-16 12:39:35 · update #1

20 answers

chill. maybe a better question to ask him is if you should expect him home for dinner.

2006-10-16 12:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

The moment he's playing foosball that is his alone time just like women may have theirs salon where they feel pampered & don't have 2 think about their job,kids or their significant others. He is there 2 relax & have some fun. Ask yourself do you tell your husband everything.? Instead of worring all about him u should spend all that free time on yourself. Do something 4 yourself 4 a change. then you'll c that he might tell u more about his day when he comes home if there is something that he dosn't tell u don't pressure him just let it go & bit by bit he may share more with u.

2006-10-16 19:41:39 · answer #2 · answered by Andy 2 · 0 0

I would certainly have a talk w/him. A LONG one...if he's serious in making things work between the two of you, he needs to understand why it frustrates you. Apparently he's not making that connection. Being prior military in a career field with 95% men AND being married to military, I know how they can be. And chances are, he is just playing foosball--that's all those guys do is play games all the time! lol...but really, you need to stress to him why he should tell you and let him know that it really hurts you that he can't be upfront with you. Good luck! Hope this helps...

2006-10-16 19:39:47 · answer #3 · answered by MACmommy 2 · 1 0

In young marriages it is often the problem. The guys don't want to be pened down to commiting to being home at a certain time.. just like when not married. Anyway tell him that it upsets you when you have dinner ready for him and he doens't show up. It may take awhile for him to adjust but be patient and hopefully he will come around toward your terms. It's a guy thing. The others say want to play some football after work and he doesn't want to say well I have to call my wife. He doesn't want any slack from the guys. Anyway.. hope you both get it worked out. I suggest you not call him.

2006-10-16 19:45:50 · answer #4 · answered by oldone 4 · 0 0

I don't know what the big deal is here... Maybe he was too busy to talk or something? Do you have a reason to suspect he's hiding something, or is lying to you? The incident above seems innocent enough to just let it go. You can't expect a person to report to you every detail of their day, all the time. Next time, all you have to do is ask - whatcha doing? I bet you he will tell you.

2006-10-16 19:44:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

He's showing little consideration for your feelings. It would be nice if he lets you know when he's coming home and why he's later than ususal. On the other hand, he is saying he wants his independence, and he perceives you as trampling on that. Thus, the arguments. Try to have a calm discussion on why it's important for you to know, and that you understand it's not important to him. Look for a compromise you both can live with.

2006-10-16 19:39:04 · answer #6 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 1 0

THere is a great book called the 5 Love Languages by Gary CHapman. It explains how diffferent people communicate and how to communicate so your spouse understands your needs and visa versa. I think your husband just doesn't understand that it's important for you to know things even if he doesn't think they are important. good Luck!

2006-10-16 19:38:00 · answer #7 · answered by solar 2 · 0 0

I think he enjoys the power of keeping you in the dark. Maybe he thinks it alludes to his freedom or something. You are not being unreasonable to ask him what he is doing and to expect him to give the straight answer. Anything else is unacceptable. Maybe you need to reassure him that it is only being considerate of your partner, and not an effort to control him. That is probably how he feels. If he keeps lying to you, I would give him the boot. Lying leads to more lying and deception has no place in a loving relationship.

2006-10-16 19:38:26 · answer #8 · answered by joandi_99 3 · 1 0

If you have already made it clear that it is important for you to communicate even on subjects that he finds un-important, then he must not care enough to let you in on them. I would feed some for the same medicine to him and if he does not change, it may mean that he has other business to care for and it's time to take drastic measures....

2006-10-16 19:48:58 · answer #9 · answered by Sam 3 · 0 0

He should have enough respect for you and your feelings and tell you what's going on without you asking him. Some men are like that.

2006-10-16 19:38:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

some men are like this. maybe he thinks that you will think it is silly or dumb. This might just be his way of keeping some things to himself. He may feel that he doesnt have enough privacy.

2006-10-16 19:39:14 · answer #11 · answered by leopardlover_girl15 1 · 0 0

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