I finished this song/poem whatever it is, would like more feedback tell me what you think good or bad.?

Question

It’s been six months
Since I've heard your voice
Not being your friend
Was only your choice

It’s hard for me
To find sympathy
For someone that turned their back
And you know it’s just a simple fact
That you want me to wipe your tears
And erase all your fears

But let me ask you
What would you do?
If you were me
It’s not that simple you see

And somewhere I truly believe
That you and me were meant to be
In this crazy world of make believe
I believed in you and me

And I know we're not always right
But its 3 in the morning I'm too tired to fight
What’s done is done
The same songs been sung

From your past regrets
It's too late now the summer's set
Now the time has come
When autumn’s done

You'll fall again
For someone who
Will never really understand you

And the one that cares the most
Will be nothing more than a ghost
That will haunt your memories
Of things that were meant to be.

Answer 1

Nice poem. Scratch that, excellent poem! The rhythm and rhyme are spot on and the subject is one that many could identify with.
This is a heartfelt write.
If you would like some more feed back on this poem go to YourPoetryDotCom. It's free to join and your poem will be read and commented on by other poets.

Answer 2

I think its OK,and I only have a single comment or advice that the following verse might need revision:
You'll fall again
For someone who
Will never really understand you
I say this because, all other verses are 4 lines each and if you ever chose to make a tune out of it, it might be smoother. So maybe,
You'll fall again
and I think it's a sin
For someone who
Will never really understand you

Answer 3

I think it's simple enough to have the mass public enjoy it. Most can relate. I find it too "rhymey" though. Can you write music? I think that it would need the proper rythym to make this hit right. There are those that have the music hit them as much as the lyrics. This shows promise though. Write a chorus and put a beat with this.

Answer 4

I guess its sort of both. The bad could finish last, because it is always the loser that finishes a race last. And, one could assume, bad guys would be the losers in life. However, the other way to think of it, and the way I think of it is that the good guy finishes last because they will continue getting enjoyment out of their lives longer than those who were bad in life, or did not live life to the fullest.

Answer 5

Hi this is Kayla and i like this poem! I write poems also but urs is alittle all about you u need to open up more to something else in stead of u! But other than that its really good!!

Answer 6

I like the poem if the poem is about some one you like then have her read it or just make another poem that tells you like her and the poem is really good.

Answer 7

I often think people's poetry is trite. But, maybe because I've been where this poem is, I think it's put beautifully. Your poem speaks to many, I think. Keep it up.

P.S. If you need it put bluntly, I think it's good.

Answer 8

*sniffs then cries* that was beautifil *claps at computer* i love it here's my song
no one knows me they way you do
no one loves me they way ya do ooo
telll me why you had to leave me
and tell me why you said it was just an other girl ooo
don't go crazy for this girl
i know her and she's not your type
and i'm not finished with the song though soryy

Answer 9

It is really good.Type it and submit it to the news paper.....you should wright more poems like that. :)))

Answer 10

It is really good. I enjoyed it very much.