What is characterized as not giving up on your 12 yr. old son?

Question

I'm seperated from my family for the past year and my son has stated to me "that he will never have a relationship with me!" I know this stems not only from his brainwashing that he recieves at home but also from my past anger and comments I have made but have retorted and said I was sorry. How ever the outside influences he is receiving is quite obvious that its is over his head and I've been very patient up to this point and have been given much advice on not giving up on him even if his mother and I never work things out. But how do you deal with the disrespect and the isolation. He refuses to answer calls, respond to letters, text messages etc. etc. He receives 200.00 a month with a card directly to him and not even a thank you or kiss my butt. there's no talking to his mother about this since every thing I do anyway is wrong!! So between god and time I guess I'm at a loss "HELP" I am trying to be an understanding father and realize he his only 12 and under the stress he's induring

Answer 1

i think its one of those things that will just happen over time when he gets older and moves on with him life (ie after high school) you arent going to change the ways of your ex yada yada,..... Do you have visitation or anything where you could spend like every other weekend with him? Otherweise just keep doing what you're doing-- someday he'll realize his mom is the *** and that you did try and were there for him etc etc

Answer 2

You have a difficult one there. My x-husband pushed away his kids more or less. I tried to make them understand he was still thier dad even if he was an ****** to the family. Sounds like your x is on his side however and unwilling to help resolve the problem. Do you have visitation with him? Is he an only child? My older son was 14 when he'd had it with the way his dad treated us and a domestic dispute that would of ended up really bad was stopped by my son tackling his father and telling him to get out. The resentment was really bad at the time. He hated his dad for a long time. All I can say is that if you get visitation with him try talking to him on your turf. Try to understand what he is feeling and why. If nothing else try counsling. I know some are against counsling but it may be better than permantly losing you son. Email me and maybe we can exchange more ideas that worked for my family.

Answer 3

Um....why don't you have visitation? Perhaps he has good reason to be angry. It is normal enough for there to be some anger whenthere is a divorce, the child feels ripped off, rightly so. So, then if they are abandoned by a parent, this would be even a greater anger. Sending $200.00 a month or een $800.00 a month does not substitute the time it takes to develop a relationship with a child.

If you are unlawfully being restricted from seeing your child, you need to take the measures to lawfully resolve it. You do not give enough information for me to know or understand.

It does sound like you are sorry this is happening and that you wish it were different.

For the record, My daughter just turned 13. It costs a hundred a month for each dance class she is in, her soccer uniform was over $50.00, soccer shoes, another $50.00. Soccer dues, school supplies, clothes, it costs more than two and more than four hundred dollars per month to raise a child. I bet yours eats more than two hundred dollars per month in food. One pair of good tennis shoes cost almost $100.00. So unless you are saying you send $200.00 per month extra, after your child support, $200.00 is not so much. Maybe to you it is, but not to him or whoever is payng his way.

One more thing. Pre-teen kids and teens are obnoxious stinky little twerps anyway, don't take it so personal. They have no frontal lobe maturity. THey say and do stupid things. Ask any parent who has a teen.

Answer 4

why is the money going to him? is it child support? it should go to the mother at his age either way.

You say you are impatient, Have you abused himk. physically> verbally?
maybe he is better off away from you
Di you need anger management classes. CAn you control your temper?