It's hard to get all the facts straight on here, but essentially my husband has been having phone sex for about a year. I found out by finding the prepaid phone he used. I read text messages from 1 girl, which were very painful to read. She said she loved him and he said it back. He said though that he had to say it because that's one of ways she got off. I also made him tell me which was his favorite and it was her. But he said that it was because she the most accessible and always available. They met in a chat room. I read a text from her where she knew he was married. I blew up and called the little ***** that night and told her off. To make things even better she graduated recently with a degree in psychology. That makes me lose confidence in people. I slammed the phone against the wall and broke it. He said he got caught in something he couldn't get out of. I just don't know if believe him. I believe he loves me and I love him and we have 3 kids. What do I do? Please help.
2006-10-16 11:43:34 · 20 answers · asked by Christine F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he said he had to say he loved her. also, she's his favorite....and it sounds like more than phone sex. ( even if it was just phone sex, I wouldn't like it either.)
2006-10-16 11:48:48 · answer #1 · answered by Scorpius59 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's giving you an earful of the same bulls*** that all cheaters have up their sleeve. He was "caught" in something?? Please, give me a break!! He's a GROWN ADULT who makes choices in everything he does. He made a conscious choice to disrespect you and the bond he had with you. He made a *choice* to completely disrespect your family. Do you believe for a second that he did not CHOOSE to be in this chat room, he didn't CHOOSE to continue the "relationships" with these women over such a long period of time?? C'mon! He is a liar and a cheater. Now, he may still "love" his family - after all, this is his "comfort zone", it's fun to play house, have kids, all this stuff. But he wants the best of both worlds, and most of the time this means hurting and disrespecting the ones who love you, over and over. Please don't feel that now that he got caught he would miraculously "change". The urges are still there, and it's only the matter of time he starts up again - this time, he will probably be more cautious. I honestly don't know if I would ever forgive this kind of behavior, this isn't a mere slip, this is a deliberate action taht speaks volumes of the perpetrator. I wish you best of luck in making your decision.
2006-10-16 18:55:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not a fool. Just a woman who loves someone who's been unfaithful on one level or another. I believe that your gut instinct is telling you right now what you should do. Talk to someone you really trust and go from there.
If he wants to stay married to you, it's time for him to do some work! He will have to earn your trust. Don't believe everything he tells you. People lie to keep from getting in trouble. But it's too late now. What is he willing to do to make up for the hurt he's caused? Counseling could be a positive step, at least you'd see what he's willing to do and how much he thinks your marriage is worth!
2006-10-16 18:57:50 · answer #3 · answered by Sunny 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he was doing this for a year and was happy to do so with many different women without once giving a thought of consideration as to how this will affect you and your family shows he couldn't be truly sorry for what he's done only sorry that you found out. If you really want to stay in this marraige then try couples counselling but me personally I'd kick him out. Sometimes its easier to stay and try to deal with the situation because he and your children have been your life for the last however many years but there is a whole world at your finger tips and your childrens, you deserve to be happy with someone who will treat you with the respect and love you expect. If it was one person one time you could forgive but many women over a long period indicates that he will probably do it again.
I wish you luck
2006-10-16 18:54:11 · answer #4 · answered by gypsywife2b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The 2 of you need to have a heart to heart.He needs to open up to you and tell you the truth.A lie stacked onto a lie confuses to the point he doesn't remember the truth.He has no business having phone sex or IM sex with anyone but you.(my lady and I do it when I away on business).What is he lacking in this relationship that makes him wander?Don't blame yourself,marriage is a work in progress,sometimes things have to be "tweaked" to make them last.The 2 of you need time out,a date, a weekend away from the kids to reconnect with each other.He also must make better decisions if he wants to keep you and the kids around,this excuse of him getting caught in something is nonsense,he got caught alright,by you.Now he needs to stand up be a man and admit his mistake and take the consequences.You deserve that .
2006-10-16 18:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by Tom S 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most likely he's sorry because he got caught! Would he have ever told you? Probably not. So how can you believe that he won't do this to you again? You should either get marriage counseling or you need to leave him. Maybe you both need time apart to realize what you want. But if you take him back right off the bat, then he won't learn anything, and might do this again to you.
2006-10-16 18:52:42 · answer #6 · answered by *Logan's Mommy* 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through, especially having a 3 kid’s wit him. I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone who’s been doing things behind my back. I just cannot imagine myself. In my opinion, I think your husband messed up his life with you and his children. It will never be the same, at least for me.
If I’m in your position, as much as it will hurt me and my children, I think it will be best to let him go. He does not respect you or his children. It won’t be easy, but you just have to be strong for you and for you children. Because trust is already been broken, you will never look at him the same ever. This is always going to be in the back of your head and trust me, it will drive you crazy. If you let him go now, it will hurt now and things will get ugly because of the divorce and everything, but at the end, it will be worth it. Take him to court for child support because you are going to need that. This man does not deserve you.
2006-10-16 19:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by L!LO 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't leave my marriage because of this,but there must be a lot that missing in your relationship. Why do your husband have to have phone sex? Why does he prefer the conversations of another women to you. No reason to blow up at her he the one that may vows to you not her. Sit down and try to iron things out and maybe seek the advise of your clergy men, or some other trusted servant.
2006-10-16 18:58:38 · answer #8 · answered by Ellen J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one has an excuse good enough to hurt the one that you are supposed to love. I would be more concerned about him screwing her but even phonesex is a type of cheating just not going through with the act. I left a boyfriend of mine because he was talking and webcaming with chicks and thought it was a joke until I punched him in the face and left him. I wouldnt trust him as far as I could throw him.
2006-10-16 18:49:18 · answer #9 · answered by postal_marg 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This may sound silly, But this is a way of his dealing with this current problem via a fantasy, And yes it can be harmful to his mental state but never the less he still remain honest with you, also he feels that his manhood is at stake here. I know that you may not like competing for his love and his fantasies. But remember he may be a little off mentally, But the best way to help him is for him to see an psychologist and for you to curb your anger. Just remember that he is using fantasy to deal with his problems and not a real person so to speak........
Now if you really love him help him get over these fantasies and please give him something that is real and filled with hope..................
2006-10-16 18:58:45 · answer #10 · answered by kilroymaster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, the i love you excuse is not even a good excuse. i honestly think that they had a relationship, other than phone sex, probably something like a long distance relationship. do you know where she lives? if it's anywhere near you, you can bet that they have gotten together. she told him she loves him because she loves him. cheating is cheating. it's up to you to decide how much you can handle and if you really want to be with this guy or not.
2006-10-16 18:47:50 · answer #11 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋