I have this problem, i dunno why ive started to think that maybe i should dump my boyfriend just so we'd be better off, the point is that im moving to the states in about a year or so, and im going to study there too for 4 years, 4 years is a really long time to not be with someone, so ive been thinking that maybe i should dump him to make things easier for us.
but then i start thinking that that is just stupid because we've been through a lot, really rough times and good times and we've gotten through it all, i really love him i really dont know what i would do without him, i just dont want to hurt him or anything.
So today i was just like ok w/e ill just let things go however they want to turn out, but during the whole day ive been thinking maybe i should dump him, but i seriously dont want to, there is no absolute reason i should, im going crazy, and i really love him i even think about marrying him i see myself with him in about 20 years and he does too. what's wrong with me?!
2006-10-16 11:25:28 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's perfectly understandable that you have doubts, honey. 4 years is a very long to be separated from someone, and many-distance relationships break under the strain. It is best if the separation is of a short or at least definite length; the couple has been together a long time before the separation; and both parties make a devoted effort to keep in contact as much as possible during the separation.
I think you should discuss the situation with your boyfriend, and express to him that although you love him dearly, don't want to loose him, see you together in the long run, etc; you are afraid that being apart from each other will put too much strain and expectation on both of you. Tell him honestly that you don't know what the best decision is, but that you want to make that decision together.
I would suggest two options:
1) Mutually agree to break up when you move. You can stay friends, but each of you should take the time to pursue other interests and opportunities, to learn and grow as people. You'll both become more mature and complete as you see what else the world has to offer - who knows, maybe you'll both find soulmates elsewhere? And if you don't, you'll have a wealth of experience when you come back together.
2) Try a long-distance relationship, but promise to be honest with each other when it isn't working. Find a way to communicate regularly, and share your frustrations about being apart. Give each other the right to an "easy out" - if one of you can't take it any more and wants to see other people, the other won't reproach them (ie, if you get the hots for some other guy, you have to invoke the "easy out" by telling your boyfriend and breaking up with him before making any movie on the hottie).
It's a sucky situation, and there's hurt ahead for both of you no matter what you do. =( Try your best to be honest, loving, and true to yourself, and it will all be okay in the long run. Good luck!
2006-10-16 11:40:17 · answer #1 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question, you said you love him. And that should be all you need to be concerned with. And I'm not speaking for inexperience. I have been with my husband for 3 years and he is always traveling for work. I'm not going to act as though being alone isn't hard, but that's why god invented airplanes, buses, cars and other means of transportation so he can come see you or you can go see him. You relationship won't be over if you are apart . And don't forget absence makes the heart grow fonder.
2006-10-16 11:38:37 · answer #2 · answered by dreamsjv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with you. You are planning ahead and being rational, thats totally normal.
Remember however, that love is a very strong thing and it can last four years, if you let it. you have two years till he even leaves, i think you should not rush the break-up at all, just let it flow and be happy .
Good Luck :)
2006-10-16 11:34:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
nothing is wrong with you, your being realistic ... while you can see yourself with him forever, 4 years is a long time time to be apart and since you'll be so far away it's really not fair to each other to stay together ... but you have a year or more till you travel ... why not talk it over with him and see what you both want to do ... this way it shows your being mature enough to realize the hardship on you both ... who knows maybe he wants to travel abroad too.
2006-10-16 11:29:29 · answer #4 · answered by emnari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen take one day at a time, if you really like him things can work out. Then again you may find someone else and so may he but isn't life one big gamble anyway.
2006-10-16 11:28:57 · answer #5 · answered by mtd29485 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could be in love--but you know long distance realationship hardly ever works. you can remain friends, and pick up later when school is through, he could also move if school is his goal, you could get married and move; whatever is right for both of you and you both agree to
2006-10-16 11:30:44 · answer #6 · answered by phyllis_neel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋