I am very open minded and am bisexual myself. I feel like I'm a contradiction. While I am bisexual, I can't deal with the fact that he is. Somehow it's different to me even though it really isn't. I would love to get other peoples opinions on the subject.
2006-10-16 10:51:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Aren't there any serious people on here? WTF?
2006-10-16 10:57:24 · update #1
I already left him... I've had every type of test you can imagine. I'm just really hurt...
2006-10-16 10:58:06 · update #2
To get even more complicated... I was bi when I was in the relationship. I'd take girls home and we would have fun. He knew that bi men did not turn me on so I think he was scared to tell me (I would not have been into that at all). I didn't find out about this until about a month after I left him.
2006-10-16 11:39:31 · update #3
Ignore those bozos and let's talk about what was going on. So first off, I think you can ignore any worries or concerns that you weren't good enough or weren't giving him enough -- the usual line when a man has clandestine relationships behind his wife's back. If he was sleeping with men, it isn't that you weren't giving him enough, it's that you COULDN'T give him what he was after. So set your mind at ease about that.
I'd need more to go on to examine the issues of trust and betrayal that arise -- regardless of the gender of his sexual partners, it's not immediately clear whether this was something acceptable in your marriage or not. So if you either want to take that up off line or just add more detail, let me know. And since this IS your ex, you may already be complete with that part of the relationship and it just may not be worth discussing.
Which leads to the most interesting question... your difficulty in accepting his bisexuality in the face of your own. The first thing that comes up may or may not apply to you (and again, please clear it up if it doesn't) -- but our culture tends to lead women into believing that they are the "gatekeeper" of pleasure for their men.
As you read this story, see if it resonates for you. Not like it's the truth, not like it's a decree from a judge, but just like this is one possible way that men and women sometimes interact... and it may have something to do with your discomfort.
Several years ago while my own children were playing in the same park, I watched a five-year-old boy and girl on a playground. The girl was in front of a little play fort with a single entrance, the boy was killing time on the swings and waiting for the girl to leave the play fort. Eventually she did, and as she walked away the boy climbed off the swings and walked over to the fort. IMMEDIATELY, the girl turned and RAN back to the fort and sat back down in front of it. She wasn't interested in the fort, but she got a great deal of evident pleasure from keeping the boy from having any fun with it.
And it strikes me that your discomfort with his bisexuality MIGHT come from the same place that the little girl went to when she ran back to the fort -- she couldn't stand it for the boy to have fun with a resource she felt she controlled, even if it wasn't one she was enjoying herself. And if that doesn't describe 90% of the conflict in different-sex couples, I don't know what does. It's why women get upset about men looking at porn, about men masturbating, about men glancing at other women, about men having drinks in a sports bar with their friends -- about men doing pretty much anything pleasurable that the women in their lives don't keep under lock and key.
(And that conversation is probably more appropriate on a heterosexual question group... but I'd be interested to hear from gay and lesbian readers to see whether this behavior is present or absent in same-sex couples. I've always thought that if I DID "cross over," the absence of this particular mind game would be one reason why. :-)
So I wonder whether you were the victim of this acculturation -- that you had come to terms with your own bisexuality, but that if your ex-husband was, it opened a realm of pleasure over which you had not only no control, you had no possibility of participation.
Just a thought... and it's a thought meant to open an avenue of reflection for you. It may be disturbing, it may challenge your self-image, but if it does, I hope that it gives you a path to more understanding and a more satisfying life on the other side of this knowledge, and that I am NOT saying it to be critical of you or negative about you.
2006-10-16 11:59:12 · answer #1 · answered by Scott F 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the full details of the situation but if you are a bisexual and sleep with other females maybe he didn't understand the rules to your relationship.
It's funny how two people can decide on seeing other people but once someone does just that one person gets jealous. It's natural instinct. Regardless, whether or not you were allowed to see other females he should not have gone behind your back to see other males. I'm glad that you left him.
2006-10-17 02:28:05 · answer #2 · answered by Scully 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. If he was with a hooker, I'd probably laugh at him so hard and then divorce him so fast and yea, definitely sleep with other men. 2. His ex? I think that's even worse than the hooker. I'd keep him around for awhile for the jokes, but she's probably got more STI's than the hooker, so there's no touching that and then divorce him and yea, totally sleep with other men during the process. 3. That's sort of impossible, but divorce and yep, other men during the divorce process, but I might continue to sleep with him too at least for awhile. By the way, the sex with the other men that's not about revenge. A woman has her needs you know?
2016-05-22 07:16:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it reflects on the odd set up you and your husband have...I thought marriage was a union between a man and woman...the only piece of advise I can offer is..find out if he has been having protected sex if not then you need and aids test...
2006-10-16 10:57:04 · answer #4 · answered by geordie.lady 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I don't believe in a bisexual lifestyle, but if your in that kind of lifestyle that's your choice, BUT! Either way it's still cheating if he screws around with either sex if he's still with you, if your apart now then it's his business and you need to get on with your life no matter what.
2006-10-16 11:10:00 · answer #5 · answered by L B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its quite complicated...but why didnt he tell you since you are bi yourself? Did you let him know or not? Did you sleep with other women yourself? I think you should think of it and make your own judgement. I wish you the best! :)
2006-10-16 11:30:15 · answer #6 · answered by Nostromo 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. I don't think it reflects you. His bisexuality is something that he has to deal with and should have been upfront with you about. Its not your fault.
2006-10-16 12:04:56 · answer #7 · answered by Ha Ha! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy and a heaping scoop of selfishness.
But you go girl.
2006-10-16 12:25:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but be careful, bimen are the leading cause of women getting HIV.
2006-10-16 10:55:44 · answer #9 · answered by Have gun, will travel. 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no cheating is cheating rather it be with a man or woman. he has commitment issues.
2006-10-16 12:05:18 · answer #10 · answered by What'd You Say? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋