The guy i like has had a LOT of issues in his life abuse, neglect, stuff like that..i like him a lot and him and i talk all the time he has told me things he has never told anyone but when he talks to me i can only think of the bad stuff in his life. I want to be able to talk to him with out thinking about his past like i did befor he told me. I cant stop liking him and it would be better if i could get off the subject of his past.
2006-10-16 10:05:48 · 15 answers · asked by The girl who needs help??!! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
everyone has scars
some just take longer to heal
others fade quick
time is the only cure
2006-10-16 10:13:48 · answer #1 · answered by BP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well me being a guy I would tell you a few things you need to know about us. We will tell you of a horrible past in our lives because the girl will be blinded by sympathy. Once we feel that the girl cares too much for us then we start acting different, more distant, we don't talk as much as we did, we turn our phones off and then tell you the battery is dead or we are in an area with no signal. We start going out with our "male Friends" more often, or that's what we will tell you. Bottom line is: we are DOGS that shouldn't be trusted half the time. All I can tell you cause I feel for you is keep a very open mind and open your eyes wide. Look beyond that feeling we think we feel called love. And learn the differences between flirt and love. Women often confuse the two, so when we are just playing women often cross the line and want it to become more than a flirtatious relationship. I often tell people "Why can't we just be friends with benefits until something serious comes abound?" Just wondering.
2006-10-16 17:24:12 · answer #2 · answered by groser_hahn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to continue being his friend. This poor guy has been through a lot and a good friend is what he needs. By him telling you things he has never told anyone shows that he trusts you and value your friendship. Talking about the issues in ones life is never pleasant. Suggest professional councelling or support groups to your friend and how it can help him. When you start thinking about the bad stuff in his life, remind yourself that he overcame his past to be where he is now. And, if he starts talking about his past, remind him of the same thing. You will be able to see his strengths and don't be afraid to share this with him. Thinking about your friend's past is only going to weigh you down. When the past comes up, find a way to get on the present. Let by-gones stay by-gones.
2006-10-16 21:58:44 · answer #3 · answered by merry59 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The adage goes that it's best to be the *second* person someone dates after a breakup. Otherwise you end up in a situation much like you are now: the person uses you to confide all the bad stuff, and then in a while you'll find that he withdraws from you because now he's associated *you* with all this bad stuff (not to mention he will feel some shame at showing weakness by talking about it).
Get your friend to a professional (school counselor at the very least). Make it clear to him that telling *you* about all this stuff isn't going to make it any better or make it go away. And I'd highly recommend limiting your contact with him for a while, and seriously distracting yourself with other friends and activities. Hopefully after about six months of this you'll both have distanced yourselves enough from this father-confessor relationship that you can go back to being friends (or whatever you were gunning for in the first place).
2006-10-16 17:14:28 · answer #4 · answered by Katie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you need to run not walk away from this guy. If he has abuse and neglect issues he is liable to act abusive towards you in the future. You need to find someone who has his life together and can provide you with what you need and wont treat you like a free psychologist. Hope this helps. P.S. I was in the same situation... I know what I'm talking about
2006-10-16 17:10:00 · answer #5 · answered by dolcevita 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Get him to councelin or look up the Alliance aginst Violence site to refer him. He needs to deal with his issues before he starts a relationship. You can also go with him for support and you will eventually understand him. DO pity him but don't be with him because you feel sorry for him. Be a friend and get to know the person that he is. Good luck.
2006-10-16 17:09:25 · answer #6 · answered by Junia Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
openness builds trust. genuine friendship lasts a lifetime.
Your doing the right thing here by making sure that there is a dialog and that he talks about it with you.
Remember the choices that we make for ourselves are always positive ones. The choices that others have made for us will always seem negative. We have the ability to make our own choices and it doesn't have to be the wrong ones either.
Understanding him will also make it right too.
2006-10-16 17:08:31 · answer #7 · answered by snorkelman_37 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do stuff together that is fun and then talk about the good stuff. After awhile you'll be able to forget the bad stuff.
2006-10-16 17:10:14 · answer #8 · answered by Aliz 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would stay away from him. Look for people with a positive outlook that make you feel good. He has to many issues to deal with.
2006-10-16 17:09:01 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
YAH GET OFF THE SUBJECT OF HIS PAST LET THE POOR GUY FORGIVE AND FORGET WHO EVER GAVE HIM SO MUCH GRIEF IN HIS PAST AND LIVE FOR THE FUTURE THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING FOR HIM!!
2006-10-16 17:08:33 · answer #10 · answered by notyochic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋