I am newly married and my husband cant stand any company ,He doesnt even have his family stay with him when they visit.My mom comes to visit and stays 6 days then vegas and back 7 days.Then last year a whole month unexpected and I have the feeling she is going to do the month thing again.I love my mom she is 79 and lived with me 2 yrs in my first marriage and we divorced after 17 yrs .and all seem to go to heck when she moved in.I have mentioned all this to her but she doenst get it! Help!dont want to hurt her!
2006-10-16 09:24:40 · 10 answers · asked by jessy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dear Jessy
Here it goes and the decision is yours, Automatically every time you speak with your mother always mention how your husband has his Do's and Dont's and how you respect him and how you please all of his wishes and you never disappoint him with anything.
After preparing her, the next time she mentions shes heading your direction, YOU mention this, my husband will not allow any his family members nor any of mine more then 3 MAX.4 days,(say this in a very firm voice, make sure she gets it) apologize " I'm so sorry mother" that's the end of that.
I can tell what a wonderful person you are for trying hard to make and your mother happy, but sweetheart, honestly some people are never happy no matter what you do for them. Also normally in order to make anyone of any age happy, you need to be happy and pleased to please others, ONE MORE.. If you are not in a comfortable stage, how can you think you can give comfort to anyone else. "got it"
God Bless You .. Good luck with your mother.
2006-10-16 10:51:42 · answer #1 · answered by God m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's tough, I know how u feel.. I would explain to her the situation between u and ur husband, and let her know its not to disrespect her in any way shape or form. Once in a while is cool to have her visit, and ur husband should understand that she is elderly and i dont know her living situation, but i'm always concerned about elderlies and them living alone, I dont care how much of good shape they're in, there's still a concern there. Your husband should also respect ur thoughts about that, if u believe she should stay with you, then he should respect that. He cannot change u to be like him. I also understand his point about having family stay over. But when it comes to parents that's different..
2006-10-16 16:54:53 · answer #2 · answered by Sicilian Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Visiting for a couple of days is one thing, visiting for a month is another. Just be honest with your mom and tell her that you love her but that you and your husband have decided that you prefer visitors to stay at a local hotel and not at your home. Offer to even pay for her to stay at the hotel instead.
2006-10-16 16:29:38 · answer #3 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you might not want to hurt her, but you will have to lay down the law. It is, after all, your and YOUR HUSBAND"S home. Both. Jointly. Your Mom is a big girl. Either she will get over it, or her visits will be an unhappy memory for you as you sign the divorce papers.
2006-10-16 16:29:14 · answer #4 · answered by colleen k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you already have plans and that you can only accomodate her for a couple of days only.
You could also bribe her and offer to pay for a few extra days in Vegas so she would have a shorter stay at your house.
Good luck
2006-10-16 17:25:49 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that your husband does not like it and tell her that he does not even let his own parents stay and your mother might not take it offensive. Tell her it is not good for your life and she will stop because all mothers care about their children's lives.
Good luck and hope everything goes well
2006-10-16 16:32:10 · answer #6 · answered by Mr Business 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just have to be clear and limit the visit even if you have to make a plan to leave your home.
2006-10-16 16:34:40 · answer #7 · answered by msqtech 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell her no! there...simple as that. if it hurts her then there is nothing you can do. your a big girl and have your own life and family to get on with now. Tell her that.
2006-10-16 17:39:25 · answer #8 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
respect your mother and love her as much as you can, because when she is gone, you will wish that you had more time with her and could be with her for another day...trust me, l know this from experience.
2006-10-16 16:35:05 · answer #9 · answered by Cobra 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your mom always be your mom.............keep her away when hubby home(shopping etc.....)but never kick family away because of any men.................
2006-10-16 16:29:26 · answer #10 · answered by Jazzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋