My boyfriend - now ex - carried on a 2 year long affair with a married woman prior to meeting me. He too was involved in a 7 year long relationship at the time of the affair. I just found out that he's been in touch with this 'woman' for months now, and has "met her for coffee" on who knows how many occasions. I have asked him several times over the past 6 months (when i found out she was back in town) whether or not he's been in contact at all with her, and every time he answered NO. Now i find out he has been lying to me (he's admitted). I ended the relationship as a result. He says I am wrong for not wanting him to be in contact w/her because there is nothing between them now. But he knew that by being in contact w/her, it would end us, and he still made that choice. Am i crazy for not wanting him to have this relationship with a woman who's only tie to him is a 2 year long torrid affair???
2006-10-16 09:17:44 · 16 answers · asked by Sebring 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He lied to you...what else has he lied about that you weren't aware of? What else will he lie about because he thinks you won't like the truth?
Lying is a dealbreaker and should be...if he can't be honest, even if he's being truthful about there not currently being anything between him and the other woman, then he isn't someone I'd want in my life...
He needs to learn to be truthful and take responsibility for his actions...as it is, his lies were discovered so not only were you upset about the woman (as he suspected you would be) but about his lying also...
2006-10-16 09:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you're not nuts. in fact I don't blame you for feeling the way you did. A relationship is among many things, a matter of trust. This other woman obviously jeopardized that trust and he didn't seem to care. Went out to see her and lied to you about it, which damaged that trust. Again, you're not nuts, you're just being cautious. You know this guy's past history, and you don't want to get into a relationship with a man that will go out and have an affair with another woman behind your back.
2006-10-16 09:49:40 · answer #2 · answered by Phil 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He says, it's no big deal, nothing going on! Bull! If there was nothing going on why would he be hiding it from you and sneaking around like a rat in the alley? He is guilty! And you know he has hooked up with her. He hooked up with her while he was with someone too so why wouldn't he do it to you. I'm not saying you should end the relationship but if he doesn't start telling the whole truth he's not worth trying to fix anything!
2006-10-16 09:22:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, your not crazy at all. If he really believed there was nothing between this other gal and him then he wouldn't have lied to you. Instead he would have told you about her and introduced you to her instead of keeping her a secret. They may not be doing anything together yet but it is just a matter of time. You made the right choice because you deserve someone who is honest with you.
2006-10-16 09:21:36 · answer #4 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are absolutely correct for not wanting him to carry on a relationship with another woman. For one thing, he cheated on his first girlfriend with a married woman. You do not want a man who is like that. He isn't respecting women, he is enjoying the sex. Hell, anyone can have sex. It takes someone special to make love and you need to move on so you can find that someone. Good luck.
2006-10-16 09:27:41 · answer #5 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you knew he was having an affair prior to dating him, why would you date him? I mean, it's obvious this guy is a jerk and will do the same thing to you and everyone else he's with. Move on from him - you deserve better!
2006-10-16 09:21:41 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump him. If he did it once he will undoubtedly do it again. He has som emotional tie to this woman or the sex is unforgettable. You need to get out while you can with your heart intact. This is setting you up for heart ache. Let him have this woman and move on.
2006-10-16 09:21:13 · answer #7 · answered by angela g 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing.
She is married and he should not be in contact with her.
He gave him the choice...He made it and now he needs to suffer the consequences. which is a life with out you
Be glad you did it. Who knows what else he lied about
2006-10-16 09:21:38 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you were right to end the relationship. If he was with you, he had no reason to be seeing that woman at all.
2006-10-16 09:20:34 · answer #9 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hell no. He is wrong for expecting any girl to put up with it. Both of them are obviously used to doing things in secret and behind everyone's back. He is insane if he thinks you should be ok with it. He's a liar so why are you even thinking about this ? He talked to her behind your back. That's as good as cheating for me.
2006-10-16 09:21:37 · answer #10 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋