Why don't people take their marriage vows seriously?

Question

Before a couple commits to a lifetime of marriage, why don't they understand the "for better or worse" vow and why do they commit if they don't intend to follow through? I'm not saying it's easy but most of the rewarding things in life that compel us to greater depths of contentment are not easy? Do you agree and what is your story? oh ~ fyi, I've been married 16 yrs., we've been through some tough times, including the death of our oldest son. We're stronger than ever!

This is diconcerting to me because my husband and I are involved in a marriage ministry @ our church and we need to know what drives people? We also want to be able to help and encourage other couples.

Answer 1

its good to meet someone like u!! i have only been married for 2 years but iknow what a challenge marriage can be, my parents have been married for going on 25 years and they had to deal with deaths of both sets of their parents, a misscarriage, a problem birth (me), my dad having colon cancer, financial pressures and strains, 3 big moves, etc...they gave me a perfect example that when u say ur vows u really have to be in it for the long haul...imean there was a point my dad had to wear diapers and there wasmy mom right there beside him for better or worse...i know me and my hubby bubby will last cuz i have that same devotion to him and as a young couple we have already been through so much together and had to deal with things that cud potentially cause a not so strong couple to just give up....we're in it for the long haul!

Answer 2

I couldn't agree with you more!! Marriage is a very serious business to me and I certainly have meant and stuck by my vows although I can't sya the same about my husband!!
I think a lot of people get married while they are still in the honeymoon period of their relationship so they just don't envisage times when they will have problems - but alas they are there waiting at each corner!!
I've been married 6 years and on the whole we are happy - but that doesn't mean we haven't been through any dark times together!

Answer 3

I think there are 2 reason, most people don't understand that true love is about giving and never taking, it is about sacrificing your pride and ego to better someone elses life. Some people see love as and addition to their ego, they need it or it is supposed to be a certain way and they don't realize that people change and evolve and you just have to roll with it and not expect perfection.
The second reason is our ego. We are so focused on protecting our 'self' and not others. 'looking out for #1' is the motto that describes this.
If we think that we can only love under the right conditions we don't understand the awesome power of unconditional love.

Answer 4

The question goes beyond just marriage. In my work I deal with alot of customer service issue and what I have found is that most people tend to not take responsibility for their own actions. I think the problem is that responsibility is just not held to a high standard in our society. People are going to do what THEY want to do regardless of the consequences to others. I'd recommend any couple to not even think about marriage until after they have turned 30. Spend your 20's enjoying life and people and figure out who you are. Maybe then we can make a better decision about who we choose to spend out lives with. Perhaps a better choice of a spouse could help reduce the temptation to break those vows and be irresponsible.

Answer 5

Dear Forever:
Couples wanna take it seriously but if u are a person that is constantly hurt, wronged, abused and cheated on , I don't think thats the meaning of " for worse"! For orse probably means like death of a family, money problems ect!
Many people marry their partner becoz they r inlove not becoz of any other thought and its just a want and need and complusive thing! Thats y they don't realise what they r getting into until later in life!
The marriage vows r not for this age, maybe it should redone to say " for better , without pain, abuse and cheating, " .
Since u say u have 16 yrs of bliss, then u r probably Blessed! Good luck and wish ya success for many more years and not everyone that is married is fortunate!
Love SANAM

Answer 6

When I was married, I took my vows very, very seriously. BUT, should I have stayed and put up with constant lying, cheating, verbal/emotional abuse, drug use and abuse, sex addiction, threats to harm me, no respect (all of this from him)? For worse does NOT include these thing! I NEVER lied, cheated, used or abused drugs or him, etc. I don't believe in doing those things and that they shouldn't be done to me. I was with him for 20 years (married 17), I put my all into it, and it still wouldn't work because he would NOT change to be a decent, loving, caring person. He is now nearly 52, living in his dads fifth wheel trailer with his dog, can't hold down a job, and is sooooooooooooooo immature. And he still thinks that he treated me like a queen!!

I am now with someone totally opposite of my ex. He is loving, caring, respectful, cares about me and his teen girls (3 of them) and his friends and family, thinks more of others than himself, etc. I have never met anyone like him and probably never will again. We plan to get married next year. We both think alike when it comes to all of these things and to marriage--give it your all, treat each other with love and respect, don't lie and cheat, etc. He is only divorced because his ex divorced him, not the other way around. She wasn't in it for the long haul back then.

I do think that a lot of factors go into why people divorce. One could be they were too young or too immature or both when they married. They may not have been in the mindset it takes to be in it for the long haul. They didn't take their vows seriously. Or, there could have been abuse that we don't know about, that they won't talk about, or will talk about but only to certain people. It could also be society teaching them not to stay with it for the long haul. I can see the 'better or worse' thing IF there is NO abuse, lying and cheating, etc. If there is, then the relationship needs to end for the sake of both of them. If there is lying and cheating, then the one that cheated definitely isn't in it for good and doesn't love and respect the other and won't stop. If it is abuse, then the one being abused NEEDS to get out for their own safety and life.

Congrats on being married for 16 years. That is rare to find these days. I am sorry to hear about the death of your son. That is a tragedy no one should have to go through.

Answer 7

Because marriage is a biological disaster waiting to happen. For 100 million years the male of the species had multiple partners. For more than 4000 years virtually all of the cultures in the world supported multiple partners/wives. About 1000 years ago an upstart religion said that you would go to hell if you had more than one wife. Some people do well under those restraints. But don't condemn other who are more human than ethereal.

Answer 8

Depends on the vows they take. My vows had nothing in there about better or worse. Sure, we've been married for 12 years, but that's because I know how to have fun without him.

Answer 9

Beats the hell outta me! I think society has totally pissed all over committment and vows and I think it's really sad. It would appear that the media coverage of the stupid celebrity world has something to do with it. That and I guess the lack of brain cells.

This is happening a lot though because of the Baby Boomer generation has gotten selfish, lazy and needy as hell. That's what I attribute it to. I am the next generation and I hope to change that!

Answer 10

It saddens me to hear when a family breaks up. Its hard on both sides of the family (everyone starts taking sides), especially the kids. In this day and time, I don't think people stick out the tough times anymore. The family unit used to be the strongest force in our culture. Now, with everyone "shacking up", marriage seems to be a big joke. Too bad. I compliment you and your hubby for your 16 years of committment---Congratulations! I have been with my hubby for almost 7 years. It has not been easy, but we love each other and our son, so we work extra hard. We are looking forward to 16 years together (it seems so far away!). Take care, and peace to you and your family.