why did they judge me at once without even knowing me?

Question

my bf's parents judged me without even trying to know the real me.he is 7 years older than me but for me,it doesn't matter.i do love him whole heartedly.he's such a very good guy and im so lucky to have him.i know he loves me too.but i don't want this fact to be the cause of failure in our relationship.his mom,paricularly slapped me while his husband was at her side and said that "leave my son.he doesn't deserve you". my bf saw what happened and he was really mad with his parents.i told his mom that if slapping me would make her believe that i love his son sincerely,i would gladly offer my face to be slapped over and over again.this incident hurt me a lot and me and my bf are drifting apart slowly though we are not fighting..just like we don't talk normally as we used to.what am i to do? im trying my best to be strong and prove that im not playing around.

and yeah,i know im different..im asian and im not one of the ladies..but,why do they need to judge me at once without even giving the chance to prove that my intentions are true and sincere.

my bf does makes and stands for his decisions.right now,at this moment,they are fighting because of me..i don't care if im being a pain on his parents *** but i don't want to be like that to him...

im a lady and what i try to mean is,im not the slutty type nor the goal-less kind of woman..im shaping and saving for my future not only for myself and for my family but also with him..and my bf is a straight guy.

Answer 1

Some parents (wrongly) have ideas about what they want for their children. They live out their hopes and dreams through them. Sometimes it is because they have had to struggle themselves and want better for their children. They have visions about what their children are going to achieve in life and then someone comes along who does not fit into that dream.

The problem is that very often careful manipulation by parents ensures that their son or daughter ends up drifting away from the person in question.

Your boyfriend needs to be encouraged to talk about how he really feels, but remember you cannot run his parents down, they are his parents after all. A person can often run someone close down as much as they like, because they know them well and feel they have the right but they do not want to hear it from someone else - it sounds bizarre but it feels like disloyalty. Just explain that you realise they are disappointed but that it is him that you love. Then it really is down to him to stand up and put his neck on the line if he really loves you. No matter how hard you love - love cannot be a one way thing.

My parents did not even meet my boyfriend before telling me they knew the sort - he was a carpenter and my father a woodwork teacher. My father sneered and his words were "we know the sort - drifting around from one building site to another". When I left that day, I cried so much my car swerved into another lane on a motorway, fortunately I pulled myself round in time to prevent an accident.

The reason for their reaction was that my parents had aspirations of me being a solicitors wife. They had repeatedly being trying to to pair me up with a local solicitor who played the organ at church, he was their ideal.

In fact my boyfriend met the rest of the family including my dad's brother and his wife long before being introduced to my parents, My uncle and aunt became like parents to us, our shoulder to cry on. I stood by my boyfriend, who became my fiancee and regardless of my parents we got married and had a child who is 18 years old next month and we are still very happily married.

What, you might think happened to my parent's wonderful choice, the solicitor-come-church organist? He got convicted of being part of a paedophile ring along with the vicar and a couple of the choir.

There are nowt so blind as those who will not see!!

Answer 2

Sigh. Stupid question. Alright, let's work through it anyway. Do you know what's in an unmarked bottle of pills you find on the ground? No, of course not. It could be the secret to eternal life and health, or it could be rat poison. Now what do you think of a thing of pills you find randomly on the ground? Do you take them? Probably not. Your experience in life has probably led to you believe that it's not a good idea, even though you have no idea what the pills are. Same deal with people. There are literally billions in the world! Others have their choice of people. If someone that they see appears to, from one's own personal experience, likely not be as good as someone else, why waste their time when they could be spending it with the other person who, from their experience, seems like they'd be a better choice? So people come up with a system where they perferntially choose those who are likely a better use of their time. Are they always right? Probably not. Does this system generally help them spend time with better people? Probably so. I mean, seriously, would you accept a ride from a guy decked out in body piercings, in a van, when he keeps staring at your boobs and making sexual remarks? I really hope your experience has led you to make a better decision than that, even though you know nothing about that guy.

Answer 3

First of all slapping you means that she isn't a lady and, therefore, does not get the consideration given to one. People, in general, have preconceived notions of what other people are about by the clothes they wear, their race, and the way they behave. It will take a lot of time (and no more face slapping - hit her back) before she will accept you. And you will have to realize that she may never accept you. The problem is between you and your boyfriend. He is the one that has to stand up to Mom, not you. Until he does, she won't make an effort. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Well, nobody deserves to be slapped. That's assault and you could have called the police and had her arrested for that. But are you saying you are not "a lady" to mean you are a guy? If so, maybe his parents didn't know he was gay and are shocked. Where does the playing around part come in? Why would they think you were playing around? You need to be a little more clear with your questions to get a good answer, I think.

Answer 5

People develop very strong opinions of a person based mostly within the first 5 minutes of meeting them. The rest normally comes from what they know of the person and their own beliefs and ethics.

A lot of people are closed minded morons who judge based soley on a person's outward appearance, age or ethnicity. I for one try my damndest not to do such things. The only thing you can do is to try to be the best person possible - and screw all those who don't like you! ♥

Answer 6

because unfortunately there are ignorant people in this world who don't give others a chance. age and race shouldnt matter in a relationship.
I am sorry that yur b/f mom treated you that way and can't handle the fact or support her sons happiness, that is sad.

good luck

always remember your relationshp is with hm nt her

Answer 7

what are their opinions based on? They must have some reason for not liking you for their son...these may not be valid reasons but people don't generally just dislike someone without cause.

Answer 8

are you saying she actually slapped you , I would have got up and walked away for ever.i think your always going to have problems with them , and there not your in-laws yet , her son needs to stand up for himself if your to have a life with him ,but then he's torn between you and them .

Answer 9

your to young to be going out with a 17 yr old

Answer 10

i think your boyfriend needs to talk to his parents, if he loves you as much as you think he does, you need to get on the good side of his parents. i wouldn't suck up though, your boyfriend needs to stop doing everything mommy and daddy tell him, and take responsibility.