How to start up a conversation?

Question

My Fiance has an ex-wife, and his oldest doughter is 10 and every time she see's me, she asks if her mom and I will ever get along? I tell her maybe someday. I want to get along with her for the kids sack. I dont know how to go about it though? My Fiance hates her so they dont talk, he goes in the other room when she drops them off. I answer all the phone calls. How should I go about getting along with her? Should I call her and ask if we can talk, and tell her what her doughter said to me? What should I do?

The kids never talk about there parents getting along, they havent for years now. They know they never will. Its hard for me to start something cause im sorta shy. My Fiance doesnt care what I do, he said I can do whatever but he wants nothing to do with her. and that is fine with me!!

Answer 1

Wow this is a tricky one...if you already talk with her by answering the door and the phone...start making some small talk maybe?...I would think that asking her if you guys could meet for lunch or coffee and tell her you would like to talk to her about the kids...I think telling her what the daughter said would be good...seems the daughter likes you and that maybe a comfort to her to know you are a good person...you need to keep some sort of relationship between the mom and dad for the kids sake...good luck

Answer 2

After reading your question a few red flags went off in my head...Now I am a firm believer in doing things for the kids sake but what about your fiance?? Since he has such an aversion to his ex I don't see you creating a relationship with her as a good thing. In all honesty if anyone needs to work on their relationship for their daughter's sake it is your fiance & his ex and then maybe when they work things out you can work your way in. I think if you rush into this your actions could be viewed negatively by your fiance and it may even look like you choosing sides. I think for now focus on your fiance and of course his daugter. And I know everyone is different but I find it hard to believe that anyone could be come best buds with their "current's" ex especially when they themselves loathe them.... Those are just my thoughts.

Answer 3

Sounds to me like the daughter should be worrying more about why her dad and mom can't get along instead of you and her mom. Besides how much more "along" do you need to get...you answer all phone calls, you greet her and the kids when they're being dropped off. Sounds like you're doing your part. Don't rat out the daughter, you're building a relationship with her too and running to her parent with things she tells you can cause her to shut you down as far as opening up to you.
Like I said earlier, sounds like you are doing your part to get along with her mom...you all don't have to be best friends, but being civil is a great way to show the kids emotional maturity. Tell your fiance, he needs to lighten up on her. Whether he hates her or not, not talking to her can cause problems down the road.

Answer 4

it will all was be aqwered u and the ex will never be tottally friends but if the daughter has any sporting events, u can go to those and start some small tlk with the ex and it doesn't help tht ur fiance hates her, because thts his daughters mother and i know how it feels when ur parents can't even communicate, so ur fiance is makeing his doaughter the messanger between him and her mother

Answer 5

Yes! Bravo to you for trying to make life as normal and congenial as possible for that little girl. Tell your fiance that you have his daughter's best interests in mind and just want to have a conversation with her mother to keep the lines of communication open for the daughter's sake. If he refuses that, then think twice about marrying such a man.

Answer 6

Talk it over with your fiance' and if negative, repeat question after
a while, providing him data about why this should happen. Never
act by your own, yet...! OK ?

Ciao....John-John.

Answer 7

hello