My husband and I have been married almost 3 1/2 years. We have 2 daughters. The problem is that I am not physically attracted to him anymore. Sex is not enjoyable for me and I find myself thinking about other guys, which I feel bad about. I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings, but I can't live like this for the rest of my life. What should I do? Any advice? Thanks in advance.
2006-10-16 08:19:38 · 26 answers · asked by tinydoozer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he is a good guy and not hurting you etc. then maybe the problem isn't him, but you. As woman we have a lot of rolls to play and a ton of things on our minds. Because of this it is sometimes hard to stop thinking about the milk that needs bought or the paper that is due at work or the kid that needs new glasses and enjoy the intimate closeness of our husbands. You could be mistaking something like this as not being attracted to him. Before you give up on him or your marriage try clearing your mind and relaxing before and during intimacy with him. Try to think only by way of positive feelings and not in the form of words. Think of good things and above all don't let your mind slip back to the kids or house work!
I would also encourage you to stop thinking of the other guys. That is not helping to heal anything and in all reality who's to say you wouldn't lose interest in a new guy after a while as well?
As hard as it may be to do, you may want to talk to your husband about this problem. You will both have to be open minded but the two of you may be able to come up with some ways that can help him feel more attractive to you. For example if he has put on weight and you feel unattracted because of this, perhaps the two of you could go on walks together or spend some time cooking healthier together.
The possibilities are endless! Be positive and remember, change can only come if you want it. "you gotta wanna"
2006-10-16 08:57:36 · answer #1 · answered by M C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship - although it is very important
How do you feel about the rest of your relationship?? Is sex the only aspect that you are not happy with??
If it is then I would not recommend leaving ure husband over it - sex is great in any new relationship and then slowly that initial spark does die down for most people - especially after children - so there is no gurantee that moving on is going to sort this problem - it will just mean starting the cycle again with someone else
If you want to spark things up you need to work at it - try some different things, try setting the mood and wearing sexy stuff to build up to sex
2006-10-16 08:26:33 · answer #2 · answered by misscynic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess it would depend on the reason why you're not attracted. Do you resent something in him? Is it something that can be addressed and changed? Sex is not everything in a relationship, but it is a fairly important part. Is he a really bad lover? This can be worked on, but slowly. Does he not treat you well? You could talk to him about it. Maybe it's none of the above. The way I would tackle it - I would think of the reasons I married this person; are they still valid? If I married him for sex, and it ain't there anymore, I would perhaps consider leaving. But it is seldom that there's only one reason. You marry someone for a "bouqet" of qualities; often, you give something up in order to get something else. Is he a good husband, good father? Caring, thoughtful? Perhaps you can find more to love and cherish in this relationship than sex. And sex could probably be improved by working together on it.
2006-10-16 08:30:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much do you love your husband? Physical attractiveness was once there. Why has it gone? Maybe you two just need to re-energize your love life and the rest of your life together. You have two small children (tiring). Your husband is probably working hard (tiring). You need to get a babysitter (how about grandparents?), and spend a whole day together re-kindling what you once had. A romantic lunch somewhere, an afternoon doing something fun, and an evening of romance. I challenge you to spend as much time thinking up how to re-kindle your romance, as you do pining for other guys (who may not be nearly as nice as the man you have). Maybe, too, you need a boost medically. Tell your doctor that you aren't enjoying sex. See if the doctor can suggest a remedy. This may be post-partum depression or something. Work on the marriage, before you toss it in. You have two little girls who need their daddy and that shoud be your first priority. Before you have kids, life is all about you. Once you are a mother, it should be all about them until they are grown. Good luck.
2006-10-16 08:27:50 · answer #4 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow... I have recently been going through the same situation. I am not married, but have been with the same person for a little over three years. We have a son who is 20 months old. We split up for a couple of months because although he is ready for marriage, I felt like I had lost my attraction to him. I realized that a lot of things I liked about him had changed as he "grew up" (he is now 25), and it wasn't so much that I wasn't attracted to him as I thought he was boring and we never had fun anymore.
We have since started trying to do more fun things together, actually going out on dates, and doing some of the fun things we used to do. The more he makes me laugh, the more attractive I find him to be. I also started doing more for myself and by myself, and am working hard to reconnect with the person I was when we first met. I don't find him absolutely breathtaking... ever, really. But I do think if we keep trying everyday, we will be able to maintain a close comfortable lasting relationship.
2006-10-16 08:37:54 · answer #5 · answered by ootxmusicgirloo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm thats a sticky situation you are in. One piece of advice I might give you. The grass isnt always greener on the other side. Try to work on your marriage and re-light the fire between you. If you can do that it would be the best thing for your children and you. Sometimes people get sick of there marriage when it wasnt all that bad and just want to get out there to see what its like again to be single. Then once they do they realize they just left something they wont find again. Try new things go on a date night with your husband. If all else fails and you still cant work it out you might need to end it. No use in putting your spouse through it anymore if your not into it.
2006-10-16 08:24:22 · answer #6 · answered by atc 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What did you get married for? This is very common among newly weds. The only advice that I could give you is, If you feel that this is a hindrance in you daily life, then, seek counseling first before you jump to drastic conclusions. If that does not work out then you may want to consider separating. This will allow the both of you a little leeway and space. It will also determine the status of the relationship. Now, no one said marriage would be a cake walk. Good luck.
2006-10-16 08:25:09 · answer #7 · answered by skawp 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well just like the sayin goes....if you are not happy why stay in the relationship? Has he done anything to turn you off? Have you tried to spice things up? The only thing is when children are involve it is hard to go through a divorce. It hurts the children worse than the wife/husband. It appear to me that you need to talk with your husband about that but first I would try to spice things up and if that doesn't work..seek counseling. I believe there is a point in women lives when they want there husbands to show more passion for them and they don't. So when you are around a man that hugs you or show some kind of passion towards you you just falls madly in love with that man. Next thing you know, you are not happy with your husband any longer and you want the other man. But I would say b/f you give it all up try to patch things up first and go from there. Between you and I and other strangers, I felt that way towards my husband. I didn't feel loved. I found myself thinkin more about a guy friend of mine than my own husband. But to change all that, my husband was waitin for me when I got home one day and he embraced me in his arms and kissed me. Honey we had sex like never before!!! Oh my GOd!!! I love my husband don't get me wrong but some men do fall off the tracks in pleasing their wives so sometime you have to remind them of that. That's why I say don't give up now!!! Try a lil harder and see where it gets you. I would hate for you to throw away 31/2 year for nothing.
2006-10-16 08:33:40 · answer #8 · answered by jetta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why divorce? That is despicable!! You have a part to play in being romantic to your husband- it is a commitment you made to him even before the babies came. Not many women enjoy sex and I know also many who do- so learn to re-enjoy it again.
It is dangerous to think about other guys unless you have resolved in your heart that you are divorcing this man because you are not attracted to him and because you fantasize about other men...Which to tell you the truth you will find the same in just any other man..who by the way will have to bear the burden of your two daughters incase you gain custody. Don't lie to yourself gal.. Love your husband only and don't allow yourself to fantasize about other men who are out of your league not because of anything else but because you are a married woman.
Put yourself in your husbands shoe. This guy has seen you thro 2 pregnancies, a time when mostly we women feel our worst. Before you do anything think about what you would have him do to you if he did not feel physically attracted to you anymore and did not enjoy romancing you..and was thinking about other women and wanted to be with other women and did not ever want to be with you.
2006-10-16 08:31:11 · answer #9 · answered by jrema 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a look within yourself and ask yourself what can I do better. Relationships take lot's of work and commitment. What attracted you to him in the first place? It is not uncommon for sexual attraction to diminish over time. Look at the person, is he a good husband, father, person.
Try doing more special little things for one another. Make time to sit down and talk to one another every night w/o the TV for just a few minutes. Were trying to create closeness and intimacy that is much longer lasting than sexual attraction. Besides, what are you going to do when your lover gets old and wrinkled.
2006-10-16 08:42:50 · answer #10 · answered by Jeff A 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋