My husband is addicted to porn. It has been years since I found out. I knew some thing was wrong. We weren't touching or anything. when I found out I told him it is cheating and to stop, well years later nothings change, exept the intensity. I am so lonley even with him here. I caught him told him no more chances and caught him again. I want to leave but I love him so much. for better or worse, how worse does it get before you know its over? he wont admit its an addiction unless I catch him then a few days later he says" well no its not a problem,you make more of it" an affair is forsaking the one you love for another. we are not making love, kissing, its just" love you hon." so any help. thanx
2006-10-16 07:48:31 · 16 answers · asked by shauna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OH MY GOD!!! He is the most selfish man in the free world sweetie!! Is it love or are you afraid to start over? 18 years is a long routine. Starting fresh would scare the hell out of anyone!! You need to deide one thing.... can you accept his porn addiction or not. Thats it. If you can, then do it and start being happy. If not then get out ASAP! And, go find the happiness you have been without for so long. A porn addiction is not normal. There are millions of normal people out there waiting for a beautiful woman like you to be their object of desire!!!!
2006-10-16 08:29:30 · answer #1 · answered by lbacig 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pornography is an addiction, that can progressively gets worse. The viewer needs increasingly "hardcore" porn to satisfy his craving for it. Many men addicted to porn will "act out". I think this should be your first concern. I think you should work on the addiction first, maybe some counseling, for him and the two of you. Then you will be in a better position to decide if you want to make your 18 year marriage work. Good Luck.
2006-10-16 08:04:01 · answer #2 · answered by NeNe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy, And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
2006-10-16 15:33:04 · answer #3 · answered by Diane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am very sorry to hear you are hurting. 18 years is a long time! My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have been together for 18 so I know how hard it would be to let go. However, if he is not willing to get help for this problem..then you are going to be left emotionally neglected and it shouldn't have to be that way. I think I would let him know straight out that you will not be put in this situation anymore. Tell him, it's therapy for the two of you or he is out of there. Let him know that you deserve to be treated with respect and you simply won't settle for less. And really mean it when you say it...be prepared to send him packing if he won't comply. Good luck...sorry to tell you this, but this is a situation that requires drastic measures.
2006-10-16 08:02:16 · answer #4 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldn't leave him. You need to get him help though. I was like him and realized that if my marriage was going to work I needed to clean house on that front. I won't say that is has not happened again but I am definitely not ignoring the issue.
If you truly love him but hate what he is doing then try and get him help. Seek out counciling for your marriage in hopes that he will see the issues this situation creates.
You might even consider getting him a book called Every Man's Battle. It was very helpful for me.
2006-10-16 07:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you made the decision a long time ago ("I caught him told him no more chances and caught him again") now you just need the encouragement and the guts to actually follow through. If he doesn't see you following through then he's not going to take you seriously. And you need to ask yourself how much you are willing to endure. Are you willing to endure 18 more years of this abuse?
2006-10-16 07:52:18 · answer #6 · answered by Please use other door 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First get a job. it extremely is something like cashier. bypass to those women people's shield they are able that may assist you and supply you a place to stay. attempt to take your sons with you reason in case you're long previous you do not comprehend what is going to occurred on your sons. attempt to bypass to college area-time. it extremely is one direction each semester. a minimum of a few thing so which you would be able to get greater point jobs to assist your sons. once you get a job and a house (hire for now), in front of the decide when you consider which you are the mum you will maximum in all probability win the case. For now save all of the evidence that he abuses like video recordings etc so as which you have got evidence to assist you get your sons.
2016-10-16 06:34:57 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time you catch him. Start playing with yourself. If he chooses to watch porn than a real live woman he has an serious issue.
Men are visual creatures. Give him something to see.
2006-10-16 08:08:05 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show him then leave him for awhile and see if his attitude changes any . If it does not then see a divorce attorney and let him know that you are seeing a divorce attorney and if he loves you then he will stop this addictive behavior. If he does not then you my dear are better off without him . You will find someone who truly appreciates you .Good Luck and god bless.
2006-10-16 07:52:35 · answer #9 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has porn addiction. Seek counseling together. Don't throw away the baby with the bath water.
2006-10-16 07:52:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋