My husband of one year says that he doesn't want to commit to buying a house until we see "how strong our marrigage is". I thought we have been getting along well, but now I think he of course has cold feet or isn't committed to me. I want to move by next year at least. He wants to wait for 2 years.
I'm worried about his comment, and feel I should leave if after one year he still has doubts. What would you do?
2006-10-16 07:22:29 · 17 answers · asked by lovely222 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have to tell ya...a comment like that would definitely not sit well with me. I would be insulted that he thought we might not be together in a year. This is a husband-wife relationship not boyfriend-girlfriend. What part of till death us do part doesn't he understand? Yes, I would have an attitude and a big one at that! Get your house and put it in your name. Screw him. A house is a great investment. Think of your future - and you might want to think of a future without him in it!
2006-10-16 07:36:57 · answer #1 · answered by Zelda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must know, in your gut, that something is very wrong here. The comment made by your husband is, indeed, troubling - but, I can tell you, it is far better (for you) to have had this red flag after only one year of marriage, and certainly before you commit to anything as serious as a real estate investment. You didn;t mention it, but, I hope you don't already have children with this man.
If you want to save this marriage, I strongly suggest that you make an appointment to speak with a marriage counselor. The only way you are going to know where you stand is if all the cards are on the table. Not knowing is far worse.
Don't waste emotional energy beating yourself up over the "shoulda-woulda-coulda" stuff. You are in it now, and have to go from here. If it turns out that ending this marriage is the smartest route to go, just consider yourself lucky that you found out this soon, and not after years of trying to make something work that may not be workable, and saddled with a mortgage payment that you will be legally responsible for paying and/or resolving.
I'm sorry that it seems you married perhaps too quickly, sweetie. Now it's time to be responsible and mature, and figure out the smartest way to deal with it. The help you need is a lot more involved than looking for answers on this site. Good luck yo you.
2006-10-16 07:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by happy heathen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would worry also because its not like your dating your married and this would be a stepping stone in your marital relationship owing a home together which married folks do.
You seem to think your getting along well but I don't know what he is feeling so I can only look at his response.
It could be that he wants to see if the marriage will work since you all are newlyweds just really getting married.
He might want to make sure and feel secure that it will work out before committing to something as serious as buying a house which tells me he might think before he leaps.
But communication is the key that's why it is very important to not rush into a marriage until you feel that you have met the right person.
Now, I understand how you feel and you have very valid concerns to bring to his attention to let him know how you feel.
Because you are married, you have a right to want to own a home with your husband so I say bring your concerns to him about his comment because as long as you let this issue go unresolved, it will take away from your marital bond. Good Luck!
2006-10-16 07:37:47 · answer #3 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't live a happy marriage waiting to see if things will work out. If he thinks that way, you should probably get some counseling. If he's not committed to making you happy, and want the same things as you, then maybe you should make the decision for him and leave him. Maybe then he'll come around.
2006-10-16 07:31:25 · answer #4 · answered by Bky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have waited until your relationship was strong enough before you got married. Marriage is a bigger commitment than buying a house!
2006-10-16 07:29:18 · answer #5 · answered by Consuming Fire 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out what his real concerns are first. I think that where the problem is. Buying a house is nerve racking and its sounds like that he answered you badly but could not formulate all the issues he has in buying a house. It could be that he is overwhelmed and that he just doesn't want to amid that he can't swing it and that he will appear weak in your eyes. If he is respective and loving give him a break if not then you found your answer.
2006-10-16 08:25:18 · answer #6 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two definitely need to start counseling. There's no way your marriage will work if one or both of you have the mentality that "This may not work." You should go into a marriage committed, not hoping one day you will be.
2006-10-16 07:26:04 · answer #7 · answered by Please use other door 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TIme doesn't always make a marriage stronger....I know several couples who have been married 25-30 years and all of a sudden they split!
Buying a house isn't going to keep you together or split you up.....
2006-10-16 07:27:42 · answer #8 · answered by brenny_boo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like some issues that should have been disscussed before marriage. What are your choices? Either wait 2 years or dont.
2006-10-16 07:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg i would have freaked plumb OUT.... he should have said during the courtship... I am waiting to marry you till I am sure our love is strong enough... but to marry you and pledge his undying LOVE then to play sticks and carrots with you... he is cruel... I bet he cruel in other ways too... DONT HAVE KIDS WITH THIS MAN... leave him and find someone that doesnt play head games....... also... show him this question so he will know how you feel
2006-10-16 07:26:48 · answer #10 · answered by Hillary Dillary 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋