Asking a serious question about relationships, serious answers please.?

Question

I have been seeing someone, he says he loves me, we have been together for 16 months. We are both able, our relationship just seems to be a big circle. How can I tell if hes serious. We are both at good places in our lives, financially, etc. I have been married once, he has never. I have a child, he doesn't. Should I put my foot down and say Im not..until I am married again, or find someone that is serious about me, and in hopes will later marry me? Or should I stay with it, not rush, or what? I am really into him, but I don't see where my life is going, I feel like Im in a cake walk. Ive thought about seeing other people, but at the same time I don't want to end the relationship and never know. I want him to say move in, or bring your things, or something. Please give me some advice as to what I should do. Im tired of going back and forth from house to house. I do everything that comes along with being married, and if you saw us out you would think we were. What to do?

Answer 1

i was in a 13 yr relationship of the exact same nature. we progressed over time to living together and stayed together for 13 yrs. he never bonded with my child, and we have now gone our seperate ways. if your gut is telling you he is not as serious as you feel he should be, then hes not and you should move on. i feel i wasted 13 years of my life and of my daughters also. be careful

Answer 2

OK you asked if you should put your foot down and say you're not. Not what? You lost me at that point. But anyway, I don't want to sound to forward but what is the rush? If it's meant to be then let it happen the way it should. Did you rush into your first marriage? What is the big circle you are referring to? I can guess that after 16 months something is going very right because the two of you are still together. Talk to him about your concerns but whatever you do don't make him feel as if he is being pressured to make a decision or else you could lose him for good. As you've said it's a first for him and you've been there done that so just let him come around in his own time if you love him enough to do that. Just think of how you'd feel if the situation were reversed and be honest. I wish you all the success in your relationship.

Answer 3

You really shouldnt try to pressure someone into doing something they may not want to do. That would be a huge mistake. Have you asked him? Have you talked to him about whether or not you think you should move in together or advance your realtionship to the next step? Communication is the biggest factor in a relationship without that you dont have anything. Dont be afraid to tell him how you feel the only person that can really answer your question is him. What if he wants to go to another level too and doesnt know how you feel and is too scared as well. Good luck and I hope that things work out for the two of you.

Answer 4

First of all why are you waiting on him to see what will happen with the relationship? What about setting your own boundaries? You are living your life base on this man or you are needy. You have one child already from a previous marriage. Why not take the time to enjoy each other a bit longer. Remember marriage doesn't sustain any relationship. You are having doubts already whether you are going to get married. What about that child of yours? Don't you think you are confusing he/she as well.
Honey think about what you are asking. You already know the answer to that, what you are looking for is a confirmation. We can't do that for you. The question is what are you going to do about it?

I need for you to examine this relationship very closely, create a checklist. And if you have 10 items on that list & you got to # 5, don't settle! At times we seem to settle because we don't want to lose that person. And please do me a favor, and stop going from one house to another. There is a kid involved here.

Answer 5

I would talk to him about how you are feeling. He may not realize that you don't feel like things are going great for the future. Either that or ask him to move in. You don't have to wait to be asked. He may be scared to move forward. I wouldn't recommend having a child with him until you are married. You have already invested a lot of time with him and it sounds like you love each other. Because you already act married it shouldnt be that big of a deal to move to the next step. If you talk to him about it you will at least find out how he feels about a future with you. Communication is key to a happy healthy relationship

Answer 6

First you need to determine if he wants to live with you. I am a firm believer that people should live together before getting married. Sometimes you just can't stand someone after you live with them no matter how much you love them. Just come out with it. No dropped hints, we are guys we can't read your mind. Just flat out come to him and say I really want us to move foward and I am tired of going house to house, what do you think about moving in together? You'll get his answer and either like it or not. But at least you'll know.

Answer 7

The only person you can ask about this is him. Sit him down on the couch and firmly but nicely express your concerns about the flip-flopping. Don't make demands, be pleasant, but in no uncertain terms, lay it on the table for him. FIRST, be sure about what it is that you want. Sometimes with my guy I think I want "A" from him when I really wanted "B". If you want to move in together, if you want to just have some of your stuff at his place, tell him you are ready to make that move. If he flounders, try to nail him down, but nicley. Many, many guys will stay status quo if you let them. If its THAT important to you to get an answer, get it from him. It'll be tough but you'll have your answer in the end. And don't screw around with other guys in the meantime, that's cheap and low class.

Answer 8

Live your life and plan for your future. Save up for house. If he is also saving up for a house good, but don't focus on combining everything. Do what is best for you and your future. Eventually, he will decide that he should get his butt in gear and grab onto someone as together as you. Nothing is more desired than a complete woman. When you have your act together he will want to join it when he's ready. Until then enjoy him as what he is.

Answer 9

Talk to him! Ask him if he thinks there's a future, and what he sees in that future. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't pressure him with commitment. It may seem scary, but at least you'll come out of the conversation with a clearer look at where the relationship stands.

Answer 10

It seems you haven't spoken to him much about how you feel. Why not try that first before deciding to leave him. Better yet, it is 2006, there is no law that says a girl can't propose. You have to be fair and give him a chance before making assumptions about what his intentions are.