I have been married now almost two years. I love my husband very much, but I feel as if things have changed now that he has "secured" me. When we first met and were dating, he would have done anything for me, and tried hard with his appearance. Now, he has gained a lot of weight and does nothing around the house. He does have a job, but I need help at home, too. I also work and its frustrating that he leaves messes knowing that I will be the one to clean them up. He has become of the laziest people I know. A big turn-off. Do I tell him I'm no longer attracted to him? I know that would be very hurtful to me if it came from him. I just don't think all of these feelings should be so prevalant this early in a marriage. Any advice?
2006-10-16 06:36:36 · 17 answers · asked by reblcwgrl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm in the same place that you are. Its been about 2 years since we got married. We were on the brink of Divorce, and my friend suggested a book, The Five Love Languages. I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but my husband and I each read the book. I have to admit, it is the only reason right now that we are no longer in the middle of a nasty divorce. It helped me understand what really happens in a marriage. I think as a society we are so use to instantanous results, that we no longer take the time to see the real issues about why a marriage is failing. Try reading the book, it may help you understand why both of your are frustrated with each other. But it's going to take work on both parts.
2006-10-16 06:42:10 · answer #1 · answered by chellie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Acutally, I had to go through that as well. But, it wasn't becuase my huband was lazy. I have been married for 1 1/2 years. and been with him for 7 1/2 yrs. and I just don't feel the same anymore. I have been feeling this way for awhile. I did tell him last night how I felt and trust me I felt so much better. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulder. I am very reserved and it took a lot for me to come out and say it becuaseI didn't want to hurt him. But you know what, yo have to do what makes you happy. This is your life and you control it. If you are not happy you need to tell him. It will hurt him at first but he won't change if he doesn't know the truth. I did pack my stuff today and am going to stay at my friends because I need to see what it is like without him, will I miss him or will I move on?...... you won't know unless you try it. It is about YOU not him.
2006-10-16 07:04:00 · answer #2 · answered by akraft1@verizon.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell him to get up off his tush and help me. He shouldn't expect you to work all day and then come home and do everything there too. He should atleast pick up after himself. You just need to sit him down and talk to him and approach it without hurting his feelings. If he listens great, then you know how to approach next time something like this arises. If he doesn't listen, then go on strike, wait and see how long it takes for him to get the point when he has to wear dirty clothes to work, or doesn't have a clean dish to eat out of. One option is to ask him that since he has decided not to help if he would mind hiring a maid a couple of days a week, so that you don't have to worry about it all by yourself.
2006-10-16 06:54:36 · answer #3 · answered by LittleLady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go on my own and talk to a professional, then mull over any advice that might be given. Is your husband open to honest conversation? Are things so bad between you that there is no hope? You have much to think about, but I must say you are being thoughtful about his feelings, keeping this in mind might make things easier to resolve. Lots of luck to you both!
2006-10-16 06:47:47 · answer #4 · answered by ron k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a common problem in marriages, men are by nature the type that want to conquer, and like you said he has now won you and feels he doesnt have to try anymore. You need to let him know how you feel. Dont tell him in an arguementive way but in a caring way. If he continues his behavior then I would suggest that you seek some counseling, either with him or without.
2006-10-16 06:45:13 · answer #5 · answered by Allinwiththenuts 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he has gained a lot of weight his energy levels will drop also. My suggestion would be try to talk to him in a positive way and maybe get him doing something for exercise with you outside the home. You also have to decide what is most important in your lives, a spotless house or doing things that make you strong as a couple.
2006-10-16 06:45:03 · answer #6 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should absolutley tell him how you feel you may find there are things about you that is bothering him too and then you can both work towards making each other satisfied again. If he really loves you he will tell you too and work towards making it better.Best of luck. remember in the middle lies the truth
2006-10-16 06:54:44 · answer #7 · answered by John D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, he reeled you in. But, now it's your turn as a wife, to communicate and tell him exactly what your feeling. Respect the man you fell in love with, Respect him enough to tell him how he is hurting you.
2006-10-16 06:47:12 · answer #8 · answered by ~Jessica~ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you confont him prepare yourself for life without him.....a lonely life with depression and regrets. Better to ask "Why has he done this" The answer is YOU, when did you last do Oral to completion, or Anal sex, or outdoor risky stuff, BDSM..... get with the program and do it before someone does it for you .........I hope it is not too late.....
2006-10-16 06:47:15 · answer #9 · answered by JoyDivision 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that things of this matter definatly need to be talked about between the two of you..tell him how you feel. If things don't change tell him goodbye.
2006-10-16 06:40:21 · answer #10 · answered by miataraceman 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋