Just last week I made the final decision to dump my boyfriend of 1 year because he has a drinking problem. I told him he needs to get help and if not, iam leaving. Well last week he slipped and drank and I just dumped him like that. Now iam thinking I made the wrong choice because I should have given him one more chance and if you love someone you should stick it out. Right? A ll I do is cry and I can’t eat or sleep thinking I threw away the love of my life because of me not wanting to hurt anymore. Did I do the right thing and if so how do I get over it?
2006-10-16 06:29:59 · 27 answers · asked by :::Rae::: 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ask yourself this, is he making any attempt to change? If not, can you imagine what your life would be like if you marry this guy and have kids...... Add the pros and the cons..... and you make the decision.
2006-10-16 06:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by Backwoods Barbie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, You have to ALWAYS think of how the person makes you feel. If he loved you he would make you feel like you were the most important thing in his world. He would be kind and loving towards you. Drinking is a big problem. Is he an alcholic? If he is, then he will seek help if he loves you enough. I know it hurts and it feels like the end of your world, but you will have to stick to your decision and see what happens. It sounds like the ball is in his court now. You say you don't want to be hurt anymore. If he hurts you, that is NOT love, dear. Sometimes you have to just move on. Just pour your heart and soul into something else right now to get your mind off of this problem. Do you have a pet? Spend lots of time cuddling or playing with it. If not, maybe get one. Read books of interest, go to the museum, ball games, hang out with friends. You need love and support from others right now. Don't give in until he gets serious help. Good Luck, Sweetie. Good things are to come to you so keep your chin up and smile.
2006-10-16 13:38:09 · answer #2 · answered by Lori 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. What good is a threat or a promise, if you don't live up to it? If you tell someone that you are going to do something, then you have got to *STICK* to it. I know you love him, but if he REALLY loves you too, then right now he sees that you were serious and you were NOT playing games with him. The ball is now in his court, let him decide how much he loves you and how much he REALIZES he wants YOU. If you keep doing this 'one more chance' thing, then your going to end up with giving him, 5 or maybe 7 more chances. Stay strong, stand your ground and don't give in. He is expecting and counting on you to give in. DON'T. Make him choose, if he chooses the drinking then you know that he is not the man for you, and you ARE better off. This is not the first boyfriend you have ever had, and he won't be the last if you are as young as I feel you are. YOU have cried over a guy before, get through this one the same way you have the others. YOUR going to be FINE. Stick to your desicion and don't back down.......... don't call him, don't e-mail him, don't instant message him no matter how hard it gets and no matter how much you miss him. Let him come to you. If he REALLY loves you, then he will. If he doesn't, then know, YOU DID MAKE THE RIGHT DESICION. I promise you did. Good for you for not taking a mans crap and for standing up for what you want and you will and what you won't tolerate!! I think you are GREAT for that. Blessed be..................
2006-10-16 13:41:23 · answer #3 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust me I know something about living with an alcoholic. Hear me when I say loud & clear. YOU ABSOLUTLEY POSITIVELY DID THE RIGHT THING!!!!
Too many women 2nd chance their alcoholic husbands & boyfriends all the way to their graves.
I know, you want to give him another chance, all he has to do is swear to you that he'll never drink again, & you'll give him another chance & he'll break your heart again.
The right way to do it, is that he's got to PROVE to you that he is serious about giving up his addiction, by going into treatment, or joining AA or something like that. Then he has to go for at least a year working his programme & staying off booze.
Meanwhile, you two have to break up, so you can begin to prepare yourself for the worst case scenario.
Alcoholics count on us to be eternal optomists, & they'll exploit that to the bitter end.
He can win you back if he can get into treatment, & start living a sober life ASAP.
Oh, & you didn't throw away the love of your life. HE DID! You just chose survival over drowning in his dillemma.
There is a book that will help you through this. It's called "Co-Dependant No More" by Melodie Beatty. It helped me a great deal.
Also try finding a local chapter of Alanon, & attend a meeting.
Just put Alanon into your favorite web search & their website will appear, there you will find a listing of meetings near you.
I swear to you that you have done the right thing. You are doing great, just don't let your grief overcome your very very sound judgement.
2006-10-16 13:54:53 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did do the right thing. If he truelly loves you, he will realize he has a problem and you all can work it out. Not to be cliche, but if it's meant to be, it will happen.
That is a situation that you do not need to be involved in. I have a long line of family members suffering from alcoholism, and it will literally drain the life out of you. It can become dangerous at times, and it will cause more hurt in the long run than you are feeling now.
All I can say is, let it go. Cry, mourn the loss of a year of a relationship, but try and surround yourself with friends and family that love you. Throw yourself into hobbies and activities that will help keep your mind off of it. It's not worth hurting yourself anymore.
And remember, you didn't throw away the love of your life. He threw away any chance of keeping a love.
2006-10-16 13:34:43 · answer #5 · answered by Heck if I know! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just get one thing straight before anything else. You can't ask someone to stop doing something, ever. It never works. They have to want to stop.
Stay away from this guy and hopefully he'll change his life on his own. You made the right decision and you should respect yourself enough to stay away from trouble. You don't need people like that in your life. As for getting over him...pick up a new hobby and keep yourself busy. Life didn't just start the minute you two got together. I hate it when women act like their life is completely over without this or that man. Sure it's okay to be sad, but eat, sleep be happy!
2006-10-16 13:43:11 · answer #6 · answered by toobusy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friends have dealt with this problem, so have family members and also myself. If you love someone and they have a dependency issue - be prepared to be in for a BUMPY RIDE!!
I figure, it all depends on what you are willing to put up with, and if all the trouble is worth it to you. Also, if the person you love is making a genuine effort, getting help, etc. that helps things to work out better.
If your ex-bf's problems are too much for you to handle (and they often times are very hard to handle) then maybe you made the right decision in just letting him go. However, if you think you made a mistake, you might want to think about what types of issues you might be taking along with him when you take him back. Don't expect him to change for you. Just be prepared to be there for him, and remember that you can never allow yourself to be abused under any circumstances.
2006-10-16 13:35:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing
No matter what the relationship are, break up is always painful. There is never in my life time a "good" brake up.
You will feel the pain but don't give in and run back to him. A friend told me this and it works. Best way to get over someone is get under some one. I don't mean sex but just go out and meet other men. You need to know that there are more than one Mr. Right in life.
good luck girl
2006-10-16 13:36:58 · answer #8 · answered by Kenshin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not necessarily.
If your heart is with him and you love him, you need to be there for him. You said he slipped. This means he loved you enough to try to quit. Habits are difficult to just break. If it were that easy, he would not have slipped.
He wants to do the right thing. He just needs your support to get professional help. The fact that he still drank after you said you would leave if he does it again says that this is hard for him. It's an addiction.
Do you really think that he would risk losing you for a drink? Call him.
2006-10-16 13:43:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes cry momma. Love hurts so much when you reach for it and it is not there. You had felt pain from him when you were with him becuase he was waisted. Giving more chances gives more space for mistakes and prolongs the pain for you. Compared to better love, yours wouldnt happen. How long you cry over him depends on you. THere is someone dying for your love now. So take all of what good in you and make it real this time.
2006-10-16 13:36:54 · answer #10 · answered by M2J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you did the right thing, if you stick to your decision then this may make him quit for good if he knows you're serious. it may hurt right now but i have a good feeling that he'll come around you just have to wait it out to really help him. if you go back he'll never take you serious for anything you say and more problems could become of this. hang in there it will pay off in the end
2006-10-16 13:35:13 · answer #11 · answered by lynne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋