What do you do about a 12 yr old kid who lies, fails in school and won't keep himself clean and talks back?

Question

My 12 year old can be a total brat. He lies about everything from brushing his teeth to doing his homework. He is failing several classes in school. He has gengivitis. I've invested $10K for Sylvan learning center (not working after a year), I spent $5K on braces for his crooked teeth and he refuses to brush them and now has gum disease. When confronted on any of these issues he becomes irate and dramatic. I have grounded him, taken away his tv, games etc but nothing seems to work. I picture his adult life involving one fast food job after another while he lives in filth. I don't believe in corporal punishment. What else is there?

Answer 1

boot camp, or mabeyjust take him to your local jail, and show him what he is in for. My hubby is a cop and they always have young visitors to the jail.

Answer 2

well given that he has gum disease, now is probably a good time to tell him that the mouth and the heart are medically related.....If the gums are bad, the heart may be at risk. I realise this sounds far fetched but it is true. As far as the gum disease goes he wont get a girlfriend if he has rotten teeth and bad breath.....If I were you I would simply admit that your son is a slob- he has to make a choice to either fix himself or continue in his ways. He is 12 so therefore should be old enough to join the Army Cadets or what not, which would give him a taste of pride and teach him discipline at the same time- including personal hygeine and how to iron uniforms. I dont know if spending huge amounts of money on private education would really help him. I can say this because I have been to expensive private schools and also the public poor people schools.....I found the poor school was by far the better school. Spend your money on things you enjoy cos in the end university scores are the only thing that counts and if he does not want to go to university you would have wasted your money. I tell my parents from time to time I wished they had of purchased a hot car or a house with the money they wasted on private education. If he wants to work in fast food and he is happy doing so then you should be happy for him. Good luck with him, but really it sounds like you need to tell him exactly what your fears are and then just tell him if he does not pull his weight you will send him to a cheap school and spend your money on yourself. It really is only him who is hurting himself and you cant as much as you would like to, just wish him into something he isnt. hes 12 - the start of personal identity and manhood....tell him to be a man and take responsibility for himself or wear the consequences. I feel sorry for him, but i feel sorry for you more for the 10K you lost on the school.

Answer 3

Hang tough mom. Don't be afraid of being the bad guy. Do not accept irate and dramatic as a tactic that works. Go deadpan when he goes irate or dramatic and walk away stating that this is absolutely unacceptable and state the consequences period. Pull him out of Sylvan and put him in the after school programs at school that are free. Tell him you are doing this because it is not working and the money is better spent elseware. Promptly go spend it on yourself, get a massage, your nails done, whatever. Tell him if he flunks he will be in summer school making up the class, period.

Reward him when he gets it right by noticing and commenting. Don't worry he'll clean up his act someday.

Answer 4

Taking away his favorite things just gets him angry, and in a strange way reinforces his bad behavior. Using the same method and expecting different results? Not possible. Shake up his world and his life. He is CRYING OUT for discipline. You sound like a caring parent, just some children are more difficult no matter the parenting methods. Talk to a psychologist asap. You can't control violent 16 y/o, you know? If it is too much for you to handle, and sometimes it can be...boot camp. He needs a strong hand and a non-emmotional guardian to put him in his place. As a loving mother...not possible. Best of luck and you will find a way =)

Answer 5

Seriously a good spanking, you need to have affirm hand in this issue and be persistent if need be talk to a cop and about a scare tactic threaten to send him a way take to a local prison and show him what his life would end up maybe seeing what cold happen will make him change. Bare in mind however it could one min he could be irate and dramatic the next a sobbing mess teen hormones are the worst to deal with

Good Luck

Answer 6

There are lots of alternative parenting methods but it really sounds like what he needs is a good routine and to be watched like a hawk for awhile. I know it is hard to always be watching over kids but alot of times that is what it takes untill they learn to do for them selves. Ste a schedule, make sure there is no tv or games untill all homework is complete and in the mornings make sure that he brushes right after breakfast or he doesnt get any tv or games that night period.

Answer 7

My son isint to bad in school, but Iam going through the lieng and the hygene problem myself (he will be 12 in April) The only thing I can suggested as far as the hygene goes stay on his butt about it I do it with mine and I think it works, explain to him if he doesnt take better care of himself when he is old enough to date girls will not be interested in a dirty guy. The lieing which is whar my son does Ive tried everything and the only thing that works on him is a good ol fashion spanking. Ivbe done time out, Ive taking away video games and Tv privledges honey Ive done it all and it didnt work so last resort spanking and he dont like those and he is slowly getting better about lying to me

Answer 8

Invest some money into family councelling to get to the bottom of your sons issues. Before it is too late to help him.
All I know is being a mother of 4 they all go through a similar brat stage at 12 but most come through it.
and to Silver, I have suspicions of where you come from,Im not American either but I dont believe your comments.

Answer 9

My little sister was like this. My mom did something maybe non of you would agree with this, but it worked. my mom acted like she didn't care. If my sister was hungry, she would say, "is that my problem?" and if she needed new clothes, she had to prove that she deserved them. She was only allowed to have a desk and bed in her room. No toys or tv or anything. She wasn't allowed to talk to friends and was even taken out of public schools to do homeschool and charter school.
Just take away everything he could have fun with...I guess. Don't give him what he wants. Give him what he needs: Food, Shelter, Love...that's it. Nothing more. He needs to learn that he won't be catered to.

Answer 10

I had the same problem with my son it greatly improved the day i stormed into the bathroom and gave him a good scrub down myself as well as brushed his teeth.As far as school was concerned I took some vacation time and literally went to school with him for about a week. He is thirteen now and takes more showers than I do......

Answer 11

Please talk to your child's doctor and perhaps a therapist. My nephew 's behavior was very similar to your sons. After being kicked out of several schools, and after my sister had to call the police, he was FINALLY evaluated by doctors. He is now seeing a therapist and he needed to be on medication for two years, BUT NOW HE IS DOING GREAT!! His behavior has improved, he is in a vocational school where he is doing very well and he will graduate next year. If he had been diagnosed earlier, it would have saved him and everyone else several years of grief and pain.
I wish you luck.