My husband stopped smoking over a year ago, but recently I found receipts for cigs and my son told me that he saw him smoking the other day. When I questioned him about the receipts he told me that he bought them for one of the guys he worked with and I let it go (this was before my son told me about the smoking).
My question is...why would he hide that he's smoking again? It's not like I would be mad (I smoke to and yes I know its a very bad habit so no lectures please). It is his personal choice whether or not he smokes and as I smoke to so it would be hypocritical of me to say anything about it. What irritates me is that he lied about the receipts and the fact that he's hiding it.
2006-10-16 06:12:10 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I didn't nag him about anything. We were balancing the checkbook and I asked him about it he told me they were for the guy he was working with, that was it. If we're with friends we buy their sodas, snacks, cigs occasionally so I didn't think any more of it at the time and did not make a deal of it.
And he DID quit a year ago it was tough but he went from 2packs to none (with the help of the nicotine gum).
2006-10-16 06:33:47 · update #1
I'm sorry but I just have to say this. JOY YOU ARE AN IDIOT! You've posted the same answer to several other questions.
2006-10-16 06:44:34 · update #2
Hmm. The first thing that came to my mind when reading this was that he might just be embarassed that he slipped. I have a problem with eating too much and even though I know my husband loves me no matter what..if I tell him that I have been cutting back on eating, and I find myself eating a candy bar...I feel a little embarassed and kindof wish that he hadn't had walked in right that very minute. He is much like you in that he doesn't judge me on it...and he eats too much too so he too understands what it's like, just like you do with your husband.
I must say though...that you are in the right to be upset about him lying and hiding things. This sort of thing can cause trust issues. I am one who believes strongly in bringing these sort of things up. I would let him know that you know what has been going on and that you aren't angry...but are having a hard time understanding why he would lie about something that he knows you wouldn't judge him on. Let him know that small lies such as those can hurt relationships too. Maybe he thinks it was a harmless white lie?? I get irritated with the words "white lie" as though that excuses everything and since it was labeled white, "we" shouldn't be offended. It just doesn't work that way most of the time. Good luck to you...and just so you know..you are not alone. It would have bothered me. Hope this helps!
2006-10-16 07:08:14 · answer #1 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there, I had quit for 6 months. When I started back up I didn't want to tell my husband (he smokes too) because he was so proud of me for having the will power to quit. I was ashamed at first because I thought I had let him down. But I eventually told him, and now he is just as supportive as he was the first time I quit. It may just take him a little while to come around.
2006-10-16 13:33:51 · answer #2 · answered by chellie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's been recruited as an agent for the "World Health Organization". He's currently working his way into a deep cover position into a tops secret "Cigarette And Relaxation Experiment" that is being funded by some big tobacco company. If all goes well he'll be able stop all cigarette manufacturing in the East Hemisphere.
So just remember "WHO" knows why your husband is smoking.
2006-10-16 13:29:16 · answer #3 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's personal pride. Maybe. If he is to be a stand up guy and show you he can stick to his word then he must give you the appearance that his word is good. He figures that you may never find out and probably doesn't suspect the kid of snitching on him.
But you found out, so now you need to find out first hand and confront him about it. If it's important to you.
And I agree with the other person: he never really quit and doesn't want to look like a failure to you.
2006-10-16 13:17:20 · answer #4 · answered by Trixie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He don't want you to know that he failed , I know how he feels . I had to quit several times before I finally bet the habit, its very hard. He will most likely quit in time but not, until he ts really ready. The worse thing you can do is bug him about it, this only makes it worse and he lied only because he didn't want to disappoint you.
2006-10-16 13:27:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he feels bad enough that he is letting himself down for picking them up again, and he feels like you would be disappointed in him and think he is weak. No man likes to be considered weak, especially by a spouse. Don't push it any further. Just let him be, and when he is ready to tell you he will.
2006-10-16 13:29:57 · answer #6 · answered by lifescircle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he feels embarrassed or ashamed that he started smoking again. If he hides if from you, it makes it less "real" that he's failed at it.
If you can, please try not to take it personally. You might try just having a talk with him, that has a lot of "I love you" and a bit of "be honest with me" and "I feel hurt when you lie."
Good luck.
2006-10-16 13:15:48 · answer #7 · answered by Black Parade Billie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's insecure.
Maybe he feels weak for starting back up (how big a deal was made of his quitting a year ago?).
Maybe he just feels guilty about it.
2006-10-16 13:15:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right,,,,there is no reason for him to hide the fact that he is smoking again. Maybe he just feels guilty and embarassed that he couldn't quit for good....
2006-10-16 13:15:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an on /off smoker and a married man I feel I can give you a one word perfect answer as to why he lied about it: Pride
2006-10-16 13:15:08 · answer #10 · answered by j D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋