The boyfriend lives in Tx and I live in Wis. We communicate via the internet and he phones me almost everyday. He has loved me for 40 yrs but is also married. His wife found out about us and thinks we are no longer communicating. My husband is the kind that would kill if he found out. I do not love him anymore and I want out and my love and I want to be together. I am 57, he is 59. The relationship with my boyfriend has gone on for 2 yrs and we haven't seen each other for a year. Please help me out here and let me know what you think.
2006-10-16 06:01:28 · 28 answers · asked by Cowgirl Q 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you need to take all of what you have left inside .. and leave, Not for the boyfriend but for your own preservation... I know this proabably isnt easy to do because of finances or your children.. But I would leave. if you were happy the boyfriend proabably would be a pleasant happy memorry of the past. My mom stayed with my dad for 40 years he drank but he cheated on her many times.. I love my parents BUT my mom needs to be happy.... when a spouse drinks ,...it is so hard to have a relationship. The drinking is number one. BUT you have to be alone first... You need to figure out if the boyfriend is really meant tobe or a crutch to hold on to .. to get through this horrible marriage. If you were happy ... would this old boyfriend have a chance.. If you didnt marry him 40 years ago .. was there a reason.... But anyway .. I say get out ... be alone for a while ... figure out your life
2006-10-16 13:29:54 · answer #1 · answered by zachs mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your married "boyfriend" has "loved" you for 40 years, then why have you each gotten married to and stayed with someone else? And if you love each other now why aren't you both getting divorces? It sounds to me like the two of you get more excitement out of your so-called "relationship" because it's naughty and you get to sneak around. If you both actually got divorced and could have each other full-time, then whatever you THINK you have would most likely be exposed for the superficial fantasy that it is. I think regardless of how old you are --- and you happen to be my age --- neither one of you has ever taken the trouble to really Grow UP. Maybe, just maybe, NOW is the time, AND the time to END THE CHILDISH GAMES!
2006-10-16 13:13:51 · answer #2 · answered by backinbowl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you must end your abusive relationship. You cannot be in one relationship when you are already in one, especially when that person is in one. It is called adultery. You both are living a lie.
If your husband is abusive, get out of the relationship and get a divorce.
You should not be with your boyfriend unless he gets a divorce. You may be wanting him because he treats you better and it is a fantasy (rightfully so) that you need right now. It isn't fair to his wife that you are cheating with her husband.
You need to get your life straightened out first. Let your (boyfriend) get his life straightened out, then you can talk. You should seek counseling on how your husbands abuse has affected you personally and if it will affect your future relationships. Please don't rush into a relationship with a married man. Don't be the other woman. Be the strong one and leave him alone until he gets his life straightened out.
2006-10-16 13:08:50 · answer #3 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ever heard the expression -
"If he'll cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you"?
This is such a two way street. Leave your
sh!tty marriage- but not for a married man. Because that married man may be thinking that you are the epitome of the above expression, and may not leave his wife because of it.
And, BTW - you have not laid eyes on "your love" for a year???? Talk is cheap and so is email. This man you say loves you hasn't felt the need to come and save you from your abusive husband, has he?
2006-10-16 13:15:36 · answer #4 · answered by iguana 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to make the final decision. No one can tell you what is best. You are old enough and wise enough to see where things lead, but other voices will tell you things that you already know. If your husband is abusive then leave him....etc. but the bottom line is what you think is the best choice for you. If you leave your husband and travel to meet your boyfriend and things don't work out, then what will you do? Can you support yourself? Evaluate all things before you make a step. I realize that an abusive relationship is hard to endure but you must be practical. You have to make the choice....no one here is qualified.
2006-10-16 13:12:15 · answer #5 · answered by Frank 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my opinion is this if you dont want to be with your husband let it be for a reason not a man. your boyfriend is not gonna leave his wife trust that no matter how much he says he loves you he wont leave he would have already. if you want out of your marriage make sure you dont love him because of whatever your reason and not cause you want to be with this other man. never leave a mate for another mate the grass is not greener. your reasons must be valid and if it be because of his drinking and abusiveness let it be for that. if you dont love him let it be that. never for another man you will be the one hurt more in the end. you are looking for comfort in another womans husband he is your ex not your husband. because of your hurt and your pain you found peace in something you cant claim i dont care how good it sounds when you talk. it is all something different and new so you explore. new meaning cheating on your husband. i never condone divorce although i have twice... but if he is abusive, and that was the reason i did, then do it for the right reason, not being in love and not wanting to be a punching bag.
2006-10-16 13:08:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you and your boyfriend are doing is wrong and you need to stop. If the two of you want to be together then you should both get divorces and then pursue a relationship together. You said your husband is an abusive drinker. Two wrongs dont make a right, you are still wrong for cheating on him.
2006-10-16 13:04:52 · answer #7 · answered by Allinwiththenuts 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you love and who loves you back? Why stay in an unhappy relationship? Sounds like you are scared to leave your husband. Ask for help from friends or family. Its' your life, be happy, life is so short.
2006-10-16 13:52:23 · answer #8 · answered by Shy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, if your husband is abusive then why are you still there? That is very unhealthy. I would leave not b/c of the boyfriend but b/c of your own safety and happiness. You can't worry about the boyfriend. Be careful with that. How do you know he's not just telling you he wants to be with you. You don't know what goes on between he and his wife. Good Luck!!
2006-10-16 13:05:43 · answer #9 · answered by pooh 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well, no matter the situation with the boyfriend, it seems like you REALLY need to GET OUT of your marriage. If your boyfriend feel the same, all well and good, but don't try to force the issue with him. But, I say again that a marriage with an abusive drunk is no relationship at all, get out while you can!!
2006-10-16 13:07:00 · answer #10 · answered by akelaamy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋