Men. Please help me understand the need to look at pornography?

Question

I am married. I am not a prude by any means. I do my wifely duties. But it absolutely makes me feel unattractive when I know my husband looks at porn. Especially knowing that these women look amazing!! I'm not fat and unattractive. I am 5'8, 36-24-26, fit, mother of 2. I take care of myself to keep his interest. I am confused. Its pretty often (on the computer) It almost grosses me out. Strip clubs...what's it all about? I want to understand this. Please help me.

Answer 1

well to me, you sound like a very attractive woman, and if it were me, l would put all that time into spending it with you, instead of porn...to me it sounds like it's wishful thinking on his part.or his own fantacies. tell him for me, that women who look like that in porn, are terrible sex partners. so pay more attention to what he has at home.

Answer 2

Well, men are much more prone to be sexually stimulated VISUALLY, which is one reason that men like porn, strip clubs, etc. where they can see things that stimulate them. And even though most stereotypes are wrong, it is true that men think about sex much more frequently than women...so seeing stimulating images while thinking about sex is just plain pleasurable for men.

That doesn't explain the "pretty often" frequency of your husband, though. I'd delicately suggest that part of the reason he's apparently spending a lot of time with these things has to do with your own attitude...anytime a woman says she's "doing my wifely duties," it doesn't sound like she's enjoying it very much. If you're grudgingly submitting to sex when your husband demands it, which is what "wifely duty" sounds like, then neither of you is being satisfied -- and not being satisfied can cause your husband to look elsewhere for satisfaction and stimulation.

Is that the case? Do you not enjoy sex with your husband? If it is, the two of you need to talk about this (either alone or with some counseling help), and find out why that is, then see if you can do some things to make your sex life better. It takes both of you wanting to be with each other, and to please and satisfy each other, to keep your sex life fun, exciting, and more than just "duty." Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm a married male. I don't pratice looking at porn. But I understand the why. Men being visually excited are drawn to those visual images. As you know, we produce millions of sperm daily and the need to release these becomes a driving force. And there is the background chance of seeing something unique and different. I'm sure he loves you and is very attracted to you. But the reproductive process drives him to release.The porn excellerates that process. It's only a temporary fix as in hours the pressure is back. He ought to do some research into his own need for this as well. Sit down n a non-confronational setting and assure him of your love. He is probally disgusted with his inability to leave he porn alone so he'll be defensive. But your support and understanding will make your more valuble to him as you work through it with him. Your a major key player in him getting through this. Good luck!

Answer 4

You need to look at it like an addiction. It is just as harmful and difficult to stop. You will never "understand" it the way you want to whether it is to fill your husband's need another way or so you'll can stop and say "ah, I understand why he likes it". I think all men are drawn to the visual like that but not all indulge in it. He will need to realize that it is harmful to him and his family and then choose to change. Even then it will be a long struggle. How would he feel, I wonder if his daughter (if one of your kids is a girl) were up on one of those pages some day? Or if his son were also addicted? Perhaps if he realizes that he cannot stop looking at these images for... say one month... or at least have a strong urge to, he will realize that he has, in some ways, become dependent on them. I am truly to hear about your problem but understand that (unfortunately) it is not about you. It should be about you and your children... but unfortunately it is about him right now. Very selfish, very common. Still i am surprised he let's you know about it.

Answer 5

Men are visual creaturs by nature. Seeing things gets them off. Just because he looks at porn doesn't mean he loves you less. It means that he has a need for varitey (as all men do).

Wayyyyyyyyy back when our species was first starting out.. the males looked for healthy women in which to impregnate so that their "line" would continue... and they would find as many as possible to do this with. the stronger ones has more than the weeker ones so the fittest survived!!! Now.. while this doesn't go on today.. it is still ingrained in males... the need for variety. It is our society that limits everyone to only one person.

So.. your hubby is doing what comes naturally to guys while still being faithful to you. Now.. unless he is activly trying to hook up with anyone.. I'd let him do what he wants... and heck.. why not sit down with him and browse some of thosse sites together!!! maybe you both will find somethning you can try together or whatever.... it could be fun.. just be open to it and don't make it a "bad" thing.... turn it into a good thing and then its all win-win!!!

Answer 6

I know you said guys but I had to share with you. My husband was the same until I decided to put the shoe on the other foot. I started watching porn and even pointing out how well "hung" some of the guys were. I also went to a few strip clubs and believe me he got he picture. No problems since. We now only watch movies together.

Answer 7

LETS MAKE SOMETHING VERY CLEAR:
Every man looks at women in some lusty way. Everyon does it! Every man will check out hot women. Even the christian old fashion ones. EVERYONE does it! To deny it is to lie about it.

Now, about you:
First let me tell you there is NOTHING wrong with you and this is not about you. Its not about you at all! You are great the way you are.
There are several reasons why men look at other women/porn/ go to strip clubs. But just like there are several reasons, there are also lines that should not be crossed.

First the reasons:
The most common one is that the woman in the relationship does not want sex as often as he does. Anyone can say anything they want about it, but this is a proven fact. Women can live WITHOUT sex, men CANNOT
The second one would be the woman in the relationship is not as outgoing/wild/sex crazy as the man. A man needs a slu.t every now and then and not every woman likes to behave like one (every now and then, this is)
The third one would apply to going to a strip joint. This should only be allowed if the woman is ok with it, other than that it should not. Some women are ok with is, I personally quite enjoy a lapdance but I am not very fond of strip joints (one is ussually surrounded by old, fat men)

Lines that should not be crossed:
-He can look but he MUST NOT ask you to look, act or be like what he sees
-If you are not confortable with it. He MUST STOP it. He will probably end up hinding from you, but if he is good at it, you will never find out
-He should NOT go to a strip club if you are not confortable with it. This is completely different from just looking at some picture. This involves a real person who is not you. Some girls are ok with it, some are not and there is nothing wrong with either one.

SOLUTIONS?
-have sex with him, lots of it. He WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU if you are good in bed and give it often
-Be a little more wild. See what he sees and maybe you should try acting it. Not because he asks you but because you want to. No better way to please

GET EVEN?
-Dont like what he is doing and want him to stop? Do the same, he will either drop it all or ignore it. But its worth a try.

Sorry this is quite long. I hope it helps

Answer 8

Your problem with his need to look at pornography is your self-esteem. Men are very visually stimulated creatures. We like looking at naked ladies. It is simply a fact of how our brains are wired. There is, however, no connection between what we look at out in the world and our emotional feelings for our partners at home. You, on the other hand, are taking the attitude that, because he has you he shouldn't need to look at any other women. While your attitude would be good for you it is contrary to our fundamental nature.

It might be better if you took the following approach: Don't care what gets him turned on so long as he brings his desire home to you for satisfaction.

I can't really explain strip clubs. My theory is that, because we men have this conqueror mentality when it comes to women, we need an artificial place of conquest. At a strip club, we can pretend that we are actually getting these women, even though we are merely trading cash for lap dances.

Answer 9

It is difficult to explain. Men like to look, that doesnt mean they want to go out with the person. Does your husband cheat on you? If not, I would not worry about it so much. He doesnt do it because he doesnt love you or is looking for something else. Sometimes a man just wants to look. I cant explain it down to the elements but that is it in a nutshell. Strip clubs, are about the same thing. I bet if you were to offer to go with him he would let you a time or two and then lose interest in going b/c he doesnt want you "exposed" to that element. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

Woman are the only mammals where the breasts are out all through their lives, not just when they are bred,

if you make it exciting at home, he shouldnt look, maybe you shouldnt worry about it,, or you should put a chair in the middle of a room, hand him a beer, get a strippers outfit and doa lap dance for him,

you definately sound like you have a awesome body though,,,