What do I do about my 14 year old who hates school?

Question

He NEVER wants to get up in the morning and go, I don't know what to do. He stayed home today, said he is "sick". I don't believe him. He is behind on homework.

Answer 1

im 16 and i dont hate school i love it but i have the same problem its because i just want to stay in bed and sleep now my mom takes me to school and if i dont get up she calls the cops wich is no fun

Answer 2

Well, to deal with why he hates it, you need to know why he hates it -- and it may be something a teenaged guy doesn't feel comfortable telling to his Mom (not because there's anything wrong with you, or your relationship, but because he's 14, and who wants to appear confused/hurt/anything less than okay in front of Mom? Natural). Is there a third party, a pastor, teacher, family friend, cousin with whom he's comfortable?

You might enlist that person, tell your son "Okay, I can tell there's something wrong, and you might not feel comfortable telling me, but why don't you talk to Pastor Al, or Cousin Irma? Maybe you can figure out an answer - and the two of you can tell me whatever you think I need to know." Shows trust in your teen, respect for his privacy (and budding adulthood), and that you care - enough to be involved to whatever degree works best for him.

How do you engage him about this? Is it usually when the problem is active, and you're both worked up over it? Probably not the most productive time. If you haven't tried a calm conversation when it's not actively a problem (like when you're trying to get him going in the morning), you might try that. Thing is, you have to stay neutral (on the surface, anyway), calm, non-judgemental. He has to be able to tell you anything.

I'm thinking of the time I sat and told my Mom that my boyfriend, older than I was, was pressuring me to have sex. Mom stayed calm, said, "How do you feel about that?" and helped me find my own answer - that I didn't like being pressured into doing something I didn't feel ready to do. She helped me decide that I didn't have to do something just to please someone, and stick to it. Years later, I found out she was thinking, "Oh, Lord, help me not to mess this up, or dig grooves in the counter with my fingernails!" I had no idea she was so upset - she stayed calm for me, and helped me find my own answer instead of imposing hers.

If he won't tell you, and there isn't a trusted friend handy, then it's time to enlist a disinterested third party, like a professional counselor.

There could be any number of reasons:

1) he needs something - tutoring, glasses, something - to succeed;

2) he's being bullied;

3) something's bothering him that's making school seem unimportant in comparison - it might not be something you think it that important, but is important to him;

4) other.

Thing is, until you know what the cause is, you can't find the cure, so what you do is whatever works to find what the problem really is, then go from there. Good luck!

Answer 3

Sigh, see my dad, woudln't play for that..my *** got WHIPPED when i decided to do something trifling like that. I had a strict Dad (thank god), so naturally since i knew the rules and the consequences, i did what i was supposed to do. Rewards and punishments, the better i did, the more i got ( i got spoiled too.). The more i acted up or did dumb ****...the *** whippin surmounted. Gotta know the reward and punishment system...jeezus it's what makes people stronger sometimes. NOW GRANTED..i'm not sayin whoop your child's *** no no no....i know lots of people shun that kind of thing....so you can crack a deal with him. If he gets good grades, give him something he REALLY wants...but ONLY if he does the right thing. If he doesn't, then you take something away from him until he does the right thing. The whole never wanting to get up n stuff...that's EVERY child..hell i did it too. But as far as the education and not doing his work and getting behind n stuff...if it's bad you gotta lay down the plan. That's my 2 cents.

Answer 4

If you don't believe him then why did you let him stay home? Your the parent and it doesn't matter if he hates school or not he has to go, end of story. Kids go through phases and hating school is normal, hopefully over time he will figure out that school has a huge impact on his future. Remember, if he isn't at school then he shouldn't have any contact with friends, be online, playing games, or watching tv. Sometimes not liking school is just called wanting to do something else more. When you remove all those things he likes to sit around and do and make him stay in bed and do nothing else school starts looking good.

Answer 5

Girl you should start showing who's boss and teach that boy a lesson. You should start by making him do his homework right after school and tell him that if he doesn't then he is grounded for a month or something like that and don't give him the privileges that you would in a normal day even if he say that he is sick you should tell him he has to go to school honey don't be made a fool I'm 14 and i know how it works

Answer 6

Yes, I was a sorry little poor excuse of a student when I was his age myself. The only thing you can do is try to convince him that "what you do tomorrow depends on what you do today" and make sure that he suffers the consequences of his actions when it comes to not meeting his academic, social, and family responsibilities.

Try to make him realize that he's representing you and make your wishes regarding the example he sets in public known to him in no uncertain terms.

Motivation is a difficult issue and he's in a difficult time. However, the competition he must face in the future is even MORE difficult than he can fathom in his naive mindset.

I too thought I could fritter away my youth as though I were going to live forever. My irresponsibility caught up with me and it was a difficult lesson from the 'school of hard knocks.'

All you can do is confer with his teachers, counsel your child, lay down the law of responsibility and accountability, then enforce it as a parent by implementing a set of realistic objective standards and monitoring them yourself.

Anything else will produce less than optimal results.

Answer 7

I USED TO DO THIS ALSO AND I CAN SAY FOR ME IT WAS COS MY MOM DIDN'T PUT FORTH EFFORT IN MY LIFE my mom could careless what i did or even if i went to school so of course i ditched all the time ended up with an 8th grade eduction THX Gosh i went back to college and got my GED and Business degree

But with your son i think you need to take him out and maybe show him you CARE or if you can Home school him maybe he isn't fitting in at school that's a big problem at that age and if he isn't fitting in it could hurt him emotionally
Be more involved ask questions about his friends put him in sports music boys love drums
take him to a cabin for a weekend just you and he see if you can connect with him
let him know SCHOOL IS FREE RIGHT NOW TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT tell him how much college costs and tell him the prices of cars houses so he gets an idea that you need a good job in life to get the good cars and houses Take him shopping make him figure out how many pounds of banana's cost make him do the MATH show him its so important to stay in school

Sounds like he is being drop through the cracks at school see what the teachers could be doing to help him counselors anyone

finial word GET INVOLVED IN HIS LIFE, START AT HOME AND SCHOOL FOR HELP, AND HEY! good luck
YOU NEVER KNOW HE COULD BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT!!!

Answer 8

First figure out if he's being bullied. If he's just not into school, put a hault on buying him nice things (nice clothes included). Take him to skid row and ask him if that's the life he wants? I would post pictures featuring different universities around the house or in his room. Have you spoken to his teachers? You and his teachers should be a team. And if necessary, you should sit in his classroom on certain days until he gets his work in order.

Many of my friends were whooped by their parents at school when they did not do right (yes, even at the age of 13). But they did better in school. I'm not saying whether you should lay hands on your child, but his only responsibility is to do well in school, he should at least do that. If not, public humiliation is completely in order.

Answer 9

I had the comparable concern, college become very not common for me. I never even went to severe-college yet rather did a cyber college which isn't actual that plenty much less complicated interior the sense that it takes greater artwork, no person's telling you what to do and whilst to do it and it quite is plenty autonomous studying yet there's a place the place you pay attention a instructor's voice and different scholars and that they artwork on the demonstrate with you, you will probable could desire to help her plenty and make optimistic she's doing it. yet you do not opt for her to easily thoroughly stay far off from human beings, attempt additionally getting her into counseling and discover techniques that she can try to help her artwork by using her themes. i think a exceptional form of pity for her, i know how not common it quite is even though it won't get greater effectual except she works on it. Counseling ought to truly help.

Answer 10

Ask him first and foremost why he doesn't want to go to school--what he doesn't like about it.

Tell him he has to go until he's 16. He can drop out then.

Ask him what he wants to do with his life. If he has an answer, no matter what it is, discuess what he'd need to do to reach that goal (most likely it would be at least completing high school). And then, rather it be school or not, discuess what he'd need to do to reach that goal.

If he doesn't have an answer, then tell him he obviously needs to go to school and try his best until he decides what he wants to do with his life.

I'm 16, and don't plan on going to college.

Good luck!

Peace.