Men?? Question for you.?

Question

I have seen alot of "How do I get my bf to marry me?" questions today. So, how long does it take a man to know if he wants to marry his girlfriend or not? A month? A year? Two years? Does it make a difference if you live together? Just curious about your answers.

Answer 1

Why pay for something that you can get for free? Guys like the exclusivity thing when their partner is expected to be exclusive to them, but being exclusive to the partner sounds risky. What happens if she changes afterwards and I'm stuck with her (real risk, but so is the flip side, plus the fact that we all change over time). Some guys have rational concerns, but most don't want to be on the hook for something if they don't have to.

A friend of mine was talking about the little flap he had with his girlfriend recently. He said that she was holding back recently in the bed bouncing opportunities and threatened to kick her out of his nest. In my case, as a married man, I can't so easily issue such an ultimatum to my wife of a couple dozen years. My unmarried friend likes the idea that he gets it more often than his married former co-worker. I have a historical contract that doesn't get delivered on. He has an implicit contract that does or she is gone. He isn't at all interested in getting married to his girlfriends, then if the sex dries up and he has lost his negotiating power.

At times (just a few) I envy him. Of course, most of the time I snuggle with my old and familiar best friend and realize that even if there is no nookie tonight I can still be happy. My friend, meanwhile, gets a new roommate periodically and frequently is soused. I suspect happiness is often a stranger to him. Ah, "but marriage is just a piece of paper", right?

Answer 2

I don't think the decision has much to do with the person. It has more to do with timing. When a man is ready to marry he marries who he's with at the time; as long as she meets basic criteria she'll do. What makes him ready? Often the death of his grandparents, which makes him feel he should "move up" the generational ladder. Sometimes it's hitting a key age, like 30 or 40. Often a guy who's been with a girl for many years breaks up and then quickly marries someone else. I think that's because they think they can do better. But usually they're wrong!

I think you're less likely to marry if you live together. The less you know beforehand, the better!

Answer 3

It does make a difference if you are sleeping together. Why form a contract when you are already getting the benefits? Also, men are beginning to realize there is a significant shortage of available males in our society. The birth rate of male children began dropping 30 years ago, to where it is down 25%, making it nearly equal to the birth rate of female children. With the much higher death rate for males, it is now becoming a problem filling jobs in all fields mostly worked by men. Imagine the problem it is creating for trying to find the right husband? Future marriages may take on a whole new dynamic.

If you are living with him, get your own place. If you are sleeping with him, get out of his bed, or kick him out of yours. If he is under 30, wait until he's an adult to push this issue further. Females reach this point at age 24. Date, without sex. If you are getting wet between the knees and just have to have something long and narrow shoved up there, make it something with batteries. If he has to have sex, tell him that only with an wedding ring. If he doesn't want put one on your finger, tell him you will still have sex with him, but he must wear a wearing ring on her tally whacker. Should appear interesting when fully erect, if he can than get it erect.

Answer 4

Hmmmmmm, well the last relationship I had was long-distance. It didn't take her long to start hounding me about a 'committed' relationship. I have no trouble committing, but I need to 'feel' something for someone first.

We couldn't see each other all the time like we would have liked, but we did our best. Problems started when the times we did see each other she spent hounding me about a commitment. I was always forthright, and as kind and polite as I could be and told her essentially the same thing over and over, in clear, plain english that I have to love someone before I can commit, but I wasn't dating other people, wasn't interested in dating anyone else, but this wasn't good enough. She wanted a commitment before I had the feelings to commit with, and I told her this.

Mind you, this was after we started seeing each other for about a 3 months, and in the beginning we only saw each other when I drove there for the day, and we wouldn't see each other every week. So she was being really pushy I thought. So we'd really only seen each other a handful of times during this period.

Anyway....all her pushiness just prolonged everything for me, and I would tell her this, but it didn't matter, things *had* to happen on her watch! It kept me *from* developing feelings in the time I would have normally because we were always *talking* about the relationship instead of actually *having* it and enjoying it. This didn't sink into her head, but eventually things clicked, but it took some months, and then she started with marriage!

Same thing happened there. She was a combative, angry personality to begin with, so when she started in with pushing for marriage we'd come to an agreement, but then a few weeks later we'd have the same conversation and then things were different as far as plans went.

A lot of things happened. I was having troubles at work, feared for my job, I was traveling all the time, I was stressed, and she wasn't tremendously supportive, she kept hounding for 'when when when'.

Ultimately we did get a ring and had things in the works, but we had broken up and gotten together more often than Bush mispronounces the word "nuclear", and about a month after we got the ring she went ballistic over something really stupid, and we broke up for good.

So, something that would have normally not take me more than a few months took much longer (commitment), and then the same for getting married.

Had we been able to see each other each day, or at least several times a week, like most people can do, it would have probably only taken a couple months to fall in love and ask for a commitment, but after that, I'd say it would probably take a good 8 months to a year before the 'married' word would come up.

That's probably more than you wanted to know, but it seemed pertinent.

Answer 5

In my case, I knew within the year, but my wife and I continued to live together for another two years before I asked her. Neither of us considered it a major issue. After we got married, nothing really changed, we still lived together, we still loved each other, we still supported one another.

We live in a country where the divorce rate is 60%. I think a LOT of people could benefit from what my wife and I did...live together, don't have kids and see how it works for at LEAST one full year. THEN you can consider marriage. Too many people meet, get infatuated and run off and do things they later regret...like 60% of America.

Answer 6

I am from a different age in which I did not live with my wife until we got married. It just wasn't done. Have a number of daughters and some have lived with boyfriends before marriage. I fail to understand it and can't explain it; but I learned to roll with the punches. Ground here in Montana is too hard to dig in during wintertime anyway.

Answer 7

It varies depending on the individual. I waited quite a while because I had been divorced before and wanted to make sure that it was going to be the best thing for both of us. We lived together for quite awhile before we got married and I think that it really made a huge difference because we both learned how to make sacrifices and changes together.

Answer 8

No man '*Wants to get married*'. Ever. There is no advantage to a man to get married.The advantages are only for the woman. Men weather consciencely or not know this.Marriage is a 'Gift to the woman' some men are willing to do it and some are not.Pressuring him as to "When? When? When?" is a really good way to drive him off. If he decides to marry you ,I'm sure you'll be the first to know. What's your hurry anyway, just live your lives and let things happen in their own time.

Answer 9

Why is the world would a man get married in todays society?

Unless he wants kids fairly soon there is nothing it it for him.

Answer 10

Id say under 25 two years.Over 25 1 year