I am married to a wonderful man whose 2 sons live full time with us.. The ex- wife has visitation , but it is every other weekend and every other holidays. The thing is , she has stopped paying child support and we are going through court proceedings. She apparently doesnt think she should have to pay anything for her children. I try to be cordial but it is almost at the point that she makes me sick even to have to deal with her. I know it is nt my place to say anything but my gosh how could someone actually justify not taking care of their kids? Anyone know how to handle this situation? I am at my wits end with her. It is causing her kids to resent her and I dont know how to handle it but to tell them that she loves them and that sometimes parents make mistakes and let me let you know we did not tell them anything about her not paying she told them she quit paying !!!! I guess she thinks that is fine...
2006-10-16 04:49:43 · 10 answers · asked by luckygirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm in a similar situation. My husband has custody of his oldest daughter who is now 15, I've been with him since she was 4. Her mom is supposed to pay child support, but she is the epitome of dead-beat. I never talk negative about her or anything. I believe they've seen each other less than a handful of times since we've been together. They wouldn't even know each other on the street. I don't talk negative about her mom, I let her form her own opinion based off her own experiences. Just be the best mom you can be. You will be more respected and loved. Unfortunately you can't feel sorry for someone who isn't taken care of their responsibilities. You will be blessed for being a great person.
2006-10-16 04:55:35 · answer #1 · answered by tatoomom69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have no business up in her business. This is between her and your husband.
Second of all... not being able to provide child support has nothing to do with not being a good mother (or father for all of you women who won't let the ex see the kids because he doesn't have a job and can't pay you). Most men make way more than a woman does. If most women were to have to pay child support it would put them living in her car, if she could afford a car.
I don't know her reasons for not paying child support but I'm sure she has one. Have you bothered to find out why or are you content with making assumptions that she just wants to be a bad mother?
If the kids are resenting her because she no longer pays support then it is possible you have raised some materialistic children. Money isn't the only important thing in being a good parent.
Is she still an active part in their lives? Other than not paying support is she a positive influence?
Why do you tell the kids it is a mistake that she isn't paying. Why not tell them she is not able to pay right now. Why make her look bad? Maybe it is your resentment that is causing the children’s' resentment.
You want us to make a judgment and not even give us the full story. Like WHY she isn't paying.
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For the poster who said remember the boys are with the more suitable parent... that is not necessarily true. Whoever has the most money typically wins in a custody battle these days. And whoever makes the most money isn't necessarily the best parent but like an attorney once said... "even if the investigations find in favor of the mother the father will still when cause he makes more money"
Justice may be blind but it can smell money!
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2006-10-16 05:09:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can't make her pay, although you can take her to court, and you can't keep her from having whatever relationship she has with her kids. It's unfortunate that the kids are in the middle of it all. You should remain neutral when the kids talk negatively about her. They are forming their own opinions, based on reality. It's unfortunate because everyone has to pay the price for their mom's negligence.
You can change your perspective. Don't expect child support. Just acknowledge that she's selfish and irresponsible. Lower the respect level a few notches and you wont have to be at your wits end anymore. Here's how: Feel sorry for the woman, who obviously has screwed up priorites and doesn't have her act together. All the more reason to give her kids more love. They need it.
2006-10-16 05:10:25 · answer #3 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to tell the kids anything, they already know. Just be there for them and never talk badly about her in front of them.
As far as she is concerned, you are going the right route. Legally. You cannot make her into a better mother but you can make up for it a little bit by being a good one yourself.
Talk to her as little as possible and if she starts rambling about something that doesnt concern the children, end the conversation by hanging up or walking away. Dont bother fighting with her as this is what she wants. She wants you miserable and angry. The happier you are, the more revenge you have on her.
2006-10-16 04:55:29 · answer #4 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men dodge paying child support all the time. Now we have women that are doing the same. It isnt surprising that this woman would treat her son this way. I think she is bitter because she no longer has her family you do(ex and sons). Remember the boys are with the more suitable parent. This woman is only thinking of herself. Dont stress out over her not paying the child support. There are plenty of single parents that take care of their kids with no support.I am a single parent supporting my two sons alone.Your husband have you to help him deal with this issue. The boys know that she isnt paying she has told them. Leave it to the courts system.
2006-10-16 05:00:40 · answer #5 · answered by justturning40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont deal with her just focus on your household and let her destruct herself and keep telling the kids she loves them you have certainly done the right thing there. If she needs drama and you react she is getting exactly what she wants
2006-10-16 04:54:42 · answer #6 · answered by blue_eyed_woman_of_3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate on the kids and let the judge concentrate on her. Hopefully she'll come face to face with one that will not tolerate her excuses for not paying child support and will rip her a new asshole.
2006-10-16 05:03:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a very difficult spot to be in, and I've been there.....deal with her as little as possible, let your husband do what he needs to do....just try to focus on your own household and making it the best environment it can be. i know it's hard, but it can be done.
2006-10-16 04:59:57 · answer #8 · answered by Genevieve 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are idiots and you are dealing with one. The courts will arrest her and toss her butt in jail. Let your husband deal with her and keep your distance.
2006-10-16 04:55:00 · answer #9 · answered by Eyes of Green 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you. You're in a tough spot.
All I can say is hang in there. Have as little contact with her as possible.
2006-10-16 04:52:18 · answer #10 · answered by nora22000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋