I've been best friends with this guy for 4 years, we've only been friends never anything more. My husband is really upset about it but i don't want to give up my friendship, also at the same time i don't want my husband to feel like he can't trust me, even though i've never given him a reason not to.
2006-10-16 04:45:18 · 35 answers · asked by morgan t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband comes first girl......
2006-10-16 04:48:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look I do not blame your husband at all. Sometimes friendships turn into relationships. That is how the law of nature works. Your husband is the one you should be concerned about. If you lose his trust you will never regain it. So the question to you is, in the long run is it worth a chance of losing your husband over? Hopefully you will say no. Your husband will be there when noone else will. Most of the time these so called friends are no where to be found in a time of need.
2006-10-16 04:51:27 · answer #2 · answered by Rooster 1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not "wrong", but in many cases, a "guy friend" is either someone you had slept with, or who wants to sleep with you. There's nothing "wrong" in staying friends even with someone you had once been intimate with; but some husbands/wives will find this situation uncomfortable. When you're married, you have to try and see the situation from the other person's perspective, and accomodate them, within reason. I found that once I got married, I started spending less and less time with my friends (male or female) and more and more time with my husband, so the whole "friends" thing was a non-issue. I don't feel like I have "lost" their friendships, it's just my priorities have shifted a bit.
2006-10-16 04:57:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are defensive about giving up a relationship with another man is a reason for your husband not to trust you.
It is completely inappropriate. You are having an emotional affair without realizing it. He isn't a mutual friend between you and your husband. Your relationship with your husband should be private and if you have a 4 year relationship undoubtedly you share personal info with him.
What you are doing is sending your husband a message that it is okay for him to develop relationships with other females as long as he doesn't sleep with them. Tell me, when you begin to have more problems in your marriage ....How long do you think it will be before one of those females decides to comfort your husband?
I know that you probably won't like my answer because it doesn't support your additional friendship but, since I am not personnally invested in your relationship I can tell you truely that too many marriages are ruined by the actions you are taking.
2006-10-16 04:56:01 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes it wrong is for you to continue the relationship after your husband has made it clear that he is against it. You should respect his wishes. Just as I would hope he would if you felt the same way about his gf. Maybe only see or speak to your friend when your husband is around, if he is really just your friend and that is all he is interested in then he should not have a problem with that. It is defineately not normal for a man to have a woman just as friends and want nothing more, but anything is possible.
2006-10-16 04:52:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest with yourself. If you are sacrificing your husband's trust for a friendship with a male, it means your friendship weighs more for you. You know darn well, there's a romantic essence to your friendship that's why it's hard to give up. Don't make the mistake that your friendship is more important that your so called "friendship" with this male. Besides, this male is hoping for something more. A male gender does not spend a lot of time with woman/women he is not interested in sleeping with. It's just a matter of time. How would you like it if your husband also spent some valuable time with another woman as so called "friendship". Don't fool yourself. You are not fooling your husband either. He knows how the man's mind work.
2006-10-16 04:51:34 · answer #6 · answered by Wondering myself 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on if you are talking & spending time with this guy alone. If he is only a friend you should respect your husband! And out of respect not only for you but also for your husband, then he should want to come and vist you at your home and not only be your friend but also your husbands friend as well. But if you are going places with him and you are not including your husband then I can understand why your husband is upset! And if the two of you are going out alone then niether one of you are giving or showing your husband any respect at all! Does he have a wife/girlfriend? If he does then you guys are not showing her any respect either! If you guys want to get together as friends once a week I think that your husband should be involved as well and if he has someone in his life then she should be involved also. That is not only showing your husband respect it is also showing your husband that your love for him is pure & strong and that you are devoted to him & only him.
I Know that if the situation was turned around you would be feeling the exact same way that he is!
2006-10-16 06:17:56 · answer #7 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same thing is going on in my marriage right now also. I have never had a problem with my wife having guy friends until recently, she talks to them completely different than the way she talks to me. Ask yourself these questions, do i need to talk to this guy to make me feel better? Is this guy, in some way, filling a void that i have in my marriage? Do i talk to this guy because he doesn't "expect" anything in return? It's a really tough position that your in, be sure to not give your husband any reason to not trust you.
2006-10-16 06:08:18 · answer #8 · answered by carmandave2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it time and some space. When I met my husband, my best friend of 10 years and I spent loads of time together. I really had to cut that time down because my husband was not comfortable with it. I still spent time with my friend, just not nearly as much. Now my husband refers to him as "harmless Jason" to his friends who make comments about another guy in his wife's life. All friendships change when you get married, even your girlfriends. You stop having as much time for these friends because you are dedicating yourself to another person. Your husband needs to come first, but you shouldn't have to give up your friendship altogether unless there are feelings you are not revealing. Good Luck
2006-10-16 04:54:42 · answer #9 · answered by friend4u726 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a person can be friends with the opposite sex. I have never understood why boundaries are put on friendship. Young people don't want to have a friend that is quite a bit older than they are - everyone worries about what someone else will think. A male-female friendship always seems to work out better.
2006-10-16 04:49:33 · answer #10 · answered by JustMe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel it's wrong to be friends with the opposite sex while married. Does your husband have any female friends? If so, tell him flat out if you can't have a male friend, he can't have a female friend. Also, make sure when he brings home his male friends you aren't nice to them ya know cause you "can't" be friends with a male. What is his logic in the no friends with a male thing? I know a lot of women, myself included, that are friends with more men than they are women. I for one don't like the whole girly thing and having nothing to talk about other than make up, fixing hair, and other female things. So for me, I wouldn't be the one to give up a guy friend cause someone told me to. I'd be w/o friends. If he feels he can't trust you then he shouldn't have married you. He has trust issues, tell him to figure them out but not try to dictate to you who your friends can be.
2006-10-16 05:13:40 · answer #11 · answered by ~*~frankie~*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋