2006-10-16 04:43:02 · 32 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Several of us ladies on here have answered, and yet each story is different and yet the same in many ways.
We say we stay because of different situations, yet the underlying reasons are the same.
Many of us have come from homes where our fathers engaged the same behaviour with our mothers, so in regards to the saying that "Girls marry someone like their fathers" rings true for so many of us, even though in the beginning many of us SWORE the man we married was nothing like our fathers., at least not at first.
Many of us have been taught that marriage is forever, so we stay, and sometimes we die.
Read the poem -
Flowers
by Paulette Kelly
I got flowers today.
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night, and he said a
lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and started
to choke me
It seemed like a nightmare.
I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this
morning sore and bruised all over.
I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
I got flowers today, and it wasn't Mother's Day or any
other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again.
And it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take
care of my kids? What about money?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.
But I know he must be sorry.
Because he sent me flowers today.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
I got flowers today. Today was a very special day.
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me to death.
If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Sometimes its the only knd of love that we have ever known, so we gravitate towards the kind of men, who love us with the only kind of love we have ever known. Yes, somewhere in the deep recesses of our mind we know that this type of love is WRONG, but it has been ingrained within us, and although we long to fight against it, sometimes it is the unknown that frightens us more so than what we do know.
So why do we stay? Each of us answers and each answer is different, yet underneath it all it remains the same.
2006-10-16 06:41:59 · answer #1 · answered by Shalamar Rue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can think of a few reasons.
1)Low Self-asteem - The woman already started with low self asteem i nteh first place when she went out with this man. She feels that she's got the creme of the creme and that she doesnt deserve him and yet he holds on to her. Often, the man reinforces this by saying stuff like 'You wont get anyone else',etc.
2) Some people do fall in love, and they end up with a guy for a long time, then when the beatings happen they still stick with the guy. Why ? They've forgotten that love DOESNT have to hurt, at least that much. They think its normal and this can go hand in hand with low self asteem when they think they deserve it.
3) They are afraid something may happen to her/kids/family if they leave.
2006-10-16 04:51:40 · answer #2 · answered by Dabidu 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They stay because they somehow feel they deserve what they get. Their abusers tell them that it's their own fault and they believe it. Then they believe the apology and the promise that it won't happen again. But, of course, when the "honeymoon" is over, it happens again. The victims have no sense of their own self-worth and lack the courage or the wherewithal to get out of the relationship. They should seek help at a battered -person shelter.
2006-10-16 04:53:45 · answer #3 · answered by Whimsy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having been there (for 18 years) I can tell you that the reasons are very complicated. They have been told that they won't be able to get along without him, he's threatened her or the children if she leaves, he's threatened to harm her family, he'll cut off all support, she wants her "white picket fence" family dream, she may still love him, she thinks it will get better in the future, her self-worth has been battered and she thinks that she may not be able to make it, she's worried that he will be able to be with the kids on visitation and may hurt or neglect them - or even run off with them, she embarrassed to tell anyone that she's been abused and put up with it, she doesn't know where to get help, there's no one she can tell -m just as many reasons as there are women. It takes SO much courage to leave a physically and emotionally abusive relationship.
2006-10-16 04:49:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
not an effortless question. there is an extremely complicated set of factors that make a contribution to "battered woman syndrome". Many have matters with melancholy (of course), low self-properly worth, & many have been abused as babies & have not got faith they deserve from now on effective, or they have watched a parent be abused & this became in basic terms a "certainty of existence". i could prefer to furnish the adult men that do this stuff a couple of minutes on my own with real adult men too...enormously specific they'd not emerge.
2016-10-16 06:23:32 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Low self esteem and they scarred to leave..scared of the unknown and being by themselves. Me I left his sorry *** after 4 years..THANK GOD..found a nice man....were now married and have 3 children. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship.
2006-10-16 05:13:45 · answer #6 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I stayed with a guy who use to hit me all of the time and put me down. I stayed 2 1/2 years and he would cheat on me also. I think it was because he made me feel awful and put me down and my self esteem was low. The girls he would cheat on me with I thought were ugly and they were fatter than me. So maybe that made me think that I couldn't do no better. Finally when I started hurting myself I went and got help. I seen a counselor and she helped me.
2006-10-16 04:57:28 · answer #7 · answered by yrunosy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
May be its dependency. I don't know what it is. May be its a cycle of beating and nice and the victim does not know what to do. There are men and women who leave for trivial reasons. The human psychi is complex.
2006-10-16 04:54:41 · answer #8 · answered by observer 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My marriage to an abusive partner was made miserable and frightening by his temper tantrums. At first, I stayed with him because I loved him; otherwise, why would I have married him? As time passed, I stayed with him because I didn't believe in divorce. Later, I stayed with him because he made it impossible for me to find a means of escape. He even kidnapped me once when I did manage to escape. At other times, he threatened harm to our babies if I didn't do what he demanded (Ever hear of marital rape?) If God had not opened a way for me to escape and hide our children and myself from him, I would possibly still be with him, or dead.
2006-10-16 04:53:13 · answer #9 · answered by mild_country_sage 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no simple answer. It usually starts small and women want to forgive, but then the abuse escalates and typically, abusers start to brainwash thier victims into thinking they cant live without them, they are stupid, worthless, etc.
They usually start with a woman who is a little weakminded, easy to control from the beginning.
2006-10-16 04:46:06 · answer #10 · answered by JC 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋