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My Husband and i have have been married 26 years and together for 29 we have been having problems for about 5 years we dont have sex often maybe once every 2 or 3 months we dont hardly talk we dont go out anywhere and our children that were keeping us together are all out on their own and i was hoping that when this happened that things would get better with us but its now worst because now we sleep in seperate bedrooms and i am totally bored with our life and have thought about leaving him and starting over and my depression is really bad i also have a pain pill addiction that no one knows anything about that i want to get help with but he keeps to himself alot and i want to tell him that all this problems we have is not helping me get the help that i know i need and that i need to have his support to help myself but when i try talking to him about our problem he does not talk to me he just shuts up so that is why i cant tell him my problem i know this is my problem and not his.

2006-10-16 04:23:45 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

you dont know how hard it tis for me to admit my addiction i have been keeping this to myself for several years.the reason its hard for me to leave him its because he is 66 and i feel sorry for him because he has always treated me good and is a great father and now that he is older i dont want to toss him to the curve, i am 20 years younger that he is.

2006-10-16 04:58:17 · update #1

i am not complaing about our age diffrence or the lack of sex all that i want is communication and too be hugged and heard when i have a problem i know that i cant expect him to be like he was 26 years ago but to hold me does not require a whole lot of effort i dont think.

2006-10-16 05:19:06 · update #2

16 answers

Well his age definitely explains the decline in his sex drive. At his age it is primarily about companionship. Don't make any rash decisions about your marriage. Right now you aren't in a healthy state and aren't really thinking rationally. Make an appointment with a therapist and see someone like an internal medicines doctor and be honest about your problem. Either they can help you or point you in the right direction. First get off of the pills. Now is not the time for life altering decisions. A 29 year relationship is too much to just throw away. "For better or worse..."
Right now it is the worst. Don't give up. Move back into the bedroom with him at least. Seperate rooms is a huge mistake. Even if you aren't having sex nothing should come between a husband and wife.

2006-10-16 05:10:16 · answer #1 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 1 0

I suggest since it is all getting to you, i think you should take a trip...maybe a European cruise, or a trip to the amazon rain forest.

Explore the world, go with friends, or just a tour guide...get away from it all, meet new people and find yourself again...Then when you are back, you will be able to see things with a fresh pair of eyes.

Take this time to really refresh yourself...if you don't have enough money set aside, look into even spending time in another country with volunteer work...there are so many organizations out there that need our help. Once you have this time away, you will realize what really matters, and whether or not this is worth it.

Also, as far as your pill addiction...as you know, admitting it is the first step...and i am a total believer in the ability of "cold turkey"...if you want to stop, you will, if you don't, you wont. Nothing anyone says or does will have any real bearing on this, they are just steps in realizing what you already know and want deep within yourself. With the right mindset, and conviction, you will have all the steps needed, and it will be one quick step.

Hope it all goes well for you...

2006-10-16 04:39:28 · answer #2 · answered by Patience 3 · 0 0

Ok, no problem. Once you tell her, and if she is somewhat on the same page, you two need to sit down with a paralegal or mediator and work things out right down th the last detail. First, figure out what it is you can depart with in return keep the house. This will work because you have no at home children otherwise it would be all over. You will learn the fine art of compromise in this action. This is your best bet otherwise if it goes to court, the judge could order you to sell the house and split it 50/50. You can also offer to buy her out, hopefully a whole lot less than half the appraisal value. Also, if youre the breadwinner you will probably have to pay spousal support. Divorces arent cheap nowadays in more then one way. But what you can settle before going to court will help you both save money and time and the judges love it. Just be prepared, youre about to find out why more couples dont go thru with divorces. Good luck

2016-05-22 06:21:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Wow well done in all that the thing that has popped out at me is that you have an addiction and you are admitting it....that takes guts. Make some enquires and get some counselling pain pills even paracetomol can be life threatening due to the effect on body organs. And i guess it is your problem but you are going to need support and maybe he is just not sure how to give it so back yourself up with a counsellor ...maybe he will come around maybe he wont sometimes there are some bad situations in life but you for one has decided to deal with it BLOODY FANTASTIC !! I dont even know you and i am proud of you!

2006-10-16 04:33:34 · answer #4 · answered by blue_eyed_woman_of_3 3 · 0 0

So you married a 40 yr old man when you were 20 and didn't pre think what your future would be when he became a geriatric and you were still young? I am not judging you here, but seriously did you marry him because it gave you advantages? Of course you want out now, 20 yrs difference now is a huge gap. Of course he doesn't have sex with you often, he is old. I'm rarely this harsh on someone, but you married someone who could have been your dad. You said in sickness and in health and should have known with that kind of age gap you would have many years to make good on that promise. I think you are upset that he can no longer cater to your needs like your addiction and need someone who will take care of you, only now it is your turn to take care of him completely. No woman enjoys taking care of a spouse that has grown older and whose body is no longer functioning the way it did many years before, but most women are going through a similar situation as there spouse because they are about the same age, you can't relate to his needs because you are 20 years away from experiencing the same.

2006-10-16 05:13:02 · answer #5 · answered by friend4u726 2 · 0 0

I think some time apart would do some good, go take a vacation or just get a hotel for a few days and that should be enough to get his attention enough where he'll at least listen to you but if you go back and he's still the same way he was when you left it might be time to move on,although counsling may help,sometimes it's better to move on especially if your not happy,almost 30 yrs.thats gonna be a hard one for you but at least your kids are all grown and they should be more understanding.my son is 4 and I am so confused right now but mostly because I know I'm not happy and I don't want to see my son that way which I know he will be if he doesn't have his father.but sometimes you just have to do what you think is best good luck hun and pray!!

2006-10-16 04:42:09 · answer #6 · answered by ///\oo/\\\ 4 · 0 0

I don't know about divorce but you do need something. Perhaps separate vacations or a vacation equally split with what each wants to do that is out of the ordinary. give you a chance to show off your new selves and interests and become a couple again. OR just leave and move on, put both of you out of you misery.

2006-10-16 04:32:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Write him a letter,tell him how you are feeling and about your addiction,if he loves you and wants things to be better he will let you know some way or another,if things don't change you will have your answer. Whatever you do get help for the addiction.Good luck

2006-10-16 04:41:36 · answer #8 · answered by moontreefairy76 4 · 0 0

You are responsible for getting yourself help, not your husband. Seek therapy immediately to help cope with depression and pain meds.

You and the husband are responsible for the marriage. You both need to seek marriage counseling. The kids are out so you may wind up going separate ways, however marriage counseling may re-awaken your marriage.

Good luck.

2006-10-16 04:39:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I dont believe it is just YOUR problem. If you're healthy, get out in the fresh air, and begin enjoying who you are. Please seek help for both your depression, and your pill addiction. Once you take care of yourself, then insist that he too wake up to life. If he refuses than perhaps counseling is in order. But please do NOT waste your life away. Take full advantage of your prime years!

2006-10-16 04:34:36 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0 0

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