Does one have to become selfish in order to live an authentic life?

Question

Should I live a life of sacrifice to ensure everyone else's happiness, or should I live to please myself?

How does one achieve a balance between the two and still live an authentic life?

There are so many good answers here that I cannot choose. I am forced to put this one to the vote.

Thank you all for such great responses.

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

In determining what your own values/likes/prefrences are, selfish thought is necessary. But as much as selfish thought is necessary to determine what is best for ourselves, realizing that what other people deem best for themselves might not coincide with what you have determined. So it is in our actions that the balance must lie. Often times, when we do things to make others happy, it does not directly conflict or agree with our personal values, it lies somewhere in the middle. What is important is to not do things against the values that we set with our selfish thoughts, but still be willing to not do exactly what we want all of the time. Every circumstance in our lives is different and must be looked at as unique. If you feel as if you have been giving too much and need to be more true to what you want, then being selfish is ok. If all you are willing to do is what will benefit you most, then that is not ok. Don't worry too much about balance, if you approach life one circumstance at a time and trust your instinct and feelings, chances are you'll act properly. If you tend to lean more in either direction, whether people pleaser extreme or selfish extreme, try hard to exercise the opposite until you feel comfortable in both circumstances. Balance will come naturally.

Answer 3

In the ultimate analysis, everything is done for a self - some acts do good to the self, some harm. No need to think about balancing - just keep finding time to do some good to others and the balance will keep getting restored intermittently. In any case only a dynamic balance is possible.

Answer 4

To be genuine, one might desire to stick to their very own inner fire. i do no longer stay in the back of a masks and relatively no longer in any respect have, in spite of the fact that i assumed i became this style of terrible guy or woman. Authenticity is being genuine with your self and others devoid of permitting the "regulate-ego" to inform you the way you may desire to no longer be so "genuine". I even have an dependancy to spontaneity. this is as though i'm searching for yet another thrill, some thing that has yet to be got here across interior. "working from the self" as a fashion to be at peace with what's and is not any longer. the different day I drove 8 hours to Memphis, Tenn and desperate to force decrease back homestead. I drove by using Nashville at around 3am and became in awe of the skyscrapers in this city. Headed decrease back east and stopped at a relax supply up for an hour nap. do no longer be attentive to why or what I run from, yet that's authentically me. A Sagittarius.

Answer 5

You're looking at two extremes there. Most people find a balance between the two, and making other people happy needn't be at the expense of your own happiness. It's not a case of being a slave to other people, or being a slave to your own whims. Be true to yourself, and that includes doing what you feel is right and decent, which will include doing things for others.

Answer 6

If you want to live a life with pleasure and pain, divisive, then be selfish but that is not authentic everybody is doing it. Selfishness (free will) is our game, we are divisive and greedy(consciously or unconsciously). If you want to live an authentic life then dissolve your selfishness. If you are lucky you can have that authentic life that only few can experience.

Answer 7

I bet you are confusing selfishness and self esteem. You have to be good in order to make others feel good around you, and that is the beginning of an authentic life.

Answer 8

i think there is a balance of the 2. Do what is best 4 u but not at the expense of others.

If it comes down 2 going 2 a concert or play ing cards with ur lonely grandma pick the grandma(4 example)

Answer 9

One has to be prudent in life and not foolish.

Pardon my words but to explain this I have to use the words that describe the meaning as precisely as possible.

One has to have a rational approach and discretion.
That is not "selfishness".

Since one's prime responsibility is to take care of oneself first !
That is NOT selfishness.

To answer your question and achieve a balance one has to keep an inspiration for cultivating virtues.
Virtues are many :
honesty, charity, altruism, compassion, consideration for others,
respect for fellow human beings, unbiasedness, support for justice, love for freedom, tolerance etc.

But one can not get blind in following virtues to the extent that one exceeds one's own limits !
Then these virtues neither serve their purpose nor do they have any beneficial effects. Virtues are to be kept and cultivated with prudence and discretion.

Let me give you an example.
Charity for a good cause or to genuinely needy people is a good virtue. But that virtue can be cultivated only if you have money or material to part with. It is NOT a virtue when your own child is hungry and you donate food to others !!

So to earn money for oneself IS NOT selfish.
But to earn money by swindling others vehemently is not good either. If a bank robber donates a million dollars to a charity IT IS NOT a virtue. But if a bar dancer lady donates 5 $ to a genuinely charitable cause IT IS A VIRTUE.
In earning money the way or the basic intentions behind the job is important.

Let me give you another example.
Normally killing people is not a virtue. It is a crime.
But for a king it is a virtue when he orders an execution of a traitor against his nation. Since by killing this traitor he is safeguarding the interests, lives and future of millions of his countrymen. So FOR A KING administering Justice to protect his people is his duty and his virtue. It is his job.
If he does not do it then he is not doing his job and he is being selfish or unprofessional. But not for a civilian.
If a civilian kills someone else he can be punished by Law.
Correct me if I am wrong.
So the intentions, context, purpose, one's duties all of these and others contribute to making an act right or unselfish and
wrong or selfish.

Supporting Justice is a virtue.
But in fighting for justice if one goes to an extent where one puts the lives and properties of one's own self and his or her near and dear ones in danger THEN IT IS NOT A VIRTUE.
It can at best be ego mongering which becomes selfish !

So this is the way to strike a balance.
In unselfish activities as long as you bite only as much as you can chew it is a VIRTUE.

Earning money for oneself by lawful and noble or right means IS NOT SELFISH. But by utilizing a very small fraction of it for virtuous purposes, the act of earning money itself becomes a
SELFLESS or UNSELFISH act.

So this is a way to strike a balance !
This is the a to live a balanced and authentic life.

Note : Every good philosophy of life acknowledges and even praises a noble or a right way of providing for one's livelihood.
As long as you don't crave to hoard money in billions and billions it is NOT selfishness.

Answer 10

Yes. Ultimately it is human nature to be selfish and self centered. Even selfless acts are ultimately for selfish reasons (to feel better by helping someone, to gain fame by helping, to get the joy of giving a gift, to do for others to avoid a conflict, to be nice in order to be liked, etc). If you look hard enough, beneath every act is a selfish motive. But being selfish doesn't have to be negative. It's just a fact of life.

Answer 11

You are forgetting that for some people self fullfillment comes from meeting the needs of others. Parents sometimes take this attitude. It's the genes that are selfish and not the person.