Should I try harder?

Question

My husband complains to his friends that I am not a good wife.I don't clean the house,cook, bring in enough money.I work 40hours a week in a hospital.I am on my feet all the time.I have 2 kids.I use to be militant about my cleaning but since my husband does both his jobs from home i.e.fixing cars I can't seem to be able to clean up enough.Now besides toys I have car parts to put away

Answer 1

I think you and your husband need to sit down and talk about household duties. Identify what jobs each of you will do and if your kids are old enough, identify some jobs for them as well. Talk to him about this and see what you can resolve that way first.

Answer 2

Theres more to being a good wife than keeping the house clean you know so ignore your husbands comments to his friends. it sounds to me like you both need to sit down and talk about a way to divide up the tasks between you both. Its not fair that you should be doing all the cleaning as well as working and if you husband is working from home theres no reason why he can't take a 5 minute break in the middle of the day to put on some washing or peel some potatoes for dinner. In most modern relationships, its very rare that both partenrs dont work so its unrealistic for your husband to expect you to do everything round the house as well as working. What you need to do is find a way of sharing it out between you. For example, I live with my boyfriend and we both work. I clean our house every week but he cleans both our cars and cleans out the animals etc. I do the washing and ironing but he cooks most of the meals and does the food shopping.

Answer 3

well, quit your job and cook & clean, then he'll have to make all the money and he'll see how much you actually contributed. he'll either shut up and hope you go back to work, or he'll get a better job and make lots of money. sounds like you guys need to see a counsler tho, if he's saying you're a bad wife and telling his friends, he's a bad husband. he needs to talk to YOU about the problems. but working 40 hours a week isnt an excuse not to help out around the house. anyone with a full time job works that much. i work 52 hours a week, and then go to school full time as well, but i still have to help out. my mom was a single mom since i was 12, she worked full time, in the next state over, kept the house immeculate and had dinner on the table every night. sure she fell asleep on the couch at 7 every night, but she also got up at 4am to get to work on time.

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i just read your other questions, you need to ditch this guy. he is a jackass and he's using you. just take the kids and leave him and let him wallow in his own filth. one of his many whores might come to his rescue, so dont even worry about him.

Answer 4

Why are you having to put car parts away? Didn't you say this was his business at home? It sounds to me that your husband is really speaking of himself rather than you. I have 4 kids of my own, and yes I know exhaustion. Have you tried setting up a "chore schedule" for both you and your husband? Perhaps if the kids are older involve them also. Things get done faster and better when there is team work !!!!
P.S. Is budgeeeuk your husband? Someone needs to chill and read the question you posed more carefully.

Answer 5

first of all your husband should keep his mouth shut! no offense but goes on in a relationship is personal and not something be used to put one or the otherdown, which he is doing. second of all it seems like u know how hard ur working and are looking for reasurance and support... love thats his job and he's not doing it... it sounds like he;s the one who needs pull his socks up.
i'm married and have been thinking about the role of a wife and have decided there isnt one!!!!!
when people get married it is so they can spend their lives together its not an a job application with role description and demands...we are the same married or not and as long as u respect each other what needs to change?
i know its hard sometimes but try talking to him and telling him how u feel...or if you've got a good mate dissapear over therefor the afternnon and have a natter
i nearly left my bloke recently and if it wasn't for my mates i would have made a bad decision...
all i had to do was tell how i felt.. not as easy as it sounds but in practice.. huh!
good luck

Answer 6

Speaking as a man whose partner is a Nurse at a hospital also I know how hard you work,
We also both work full time and more and we have a 14 month old baby.

We share all the the work and we have a clean house and happy home.

I would tell your man to start pulling his weight if you both share it it will be done in half the time.

ohh and BTW ignore the idiot who posted at the top

Answer 7

You work 40 hours a week and still have to clean up his car parts? He's out of order.

Perhaps you could sit down and work out on paper how many hours work you are doing at home and show him that you are contributing as much as you can.

Or perhaps you could decide to just let him complain - try not to let it get to you. His friends may well realise that you aren't lazy and be ignoring his rants.

You could try conselling (see Relate) to work out a fair division of jobs and help him to see what life is like from your perspective.

Good luck

Answer 8

its not fair that your husband complains to his friends about you, its him that should be trying harder, not you. You work alot of hours and are obviously doing what you can, raising children is a job in its self so don't beat yourself up about not doing enough. You should sit down with your husband and explain to him how hard you work, and how you'd appreciate that in the future he talks to you before his friends... and as for his car parts, its his mess, especially since its part of his business, so he should clean it up... You cant be a part time cleaner for he too on top of everything else....
Good Luck
Your doing the best you can...

Answer 9

It sounds like you have three kids and no husband.
Put your foot down. Tell him to get out and get a job. I would not take any criticism from him about anything.
You can't work a 40 hour a week job and come home and run the house like a house-wife. Don't feel bad.
Look at the future, it is not going to get better, until you make it better!

Answer 10

My first impulse is to tell you the your husband is lazy and taking advantage of you, but since I don't have the other side of the story.
I will tell you that if your marriage is important to you...you need to stop your complaining and do whatever you can do without making him feel guilty about not helping. The best way to teach an old dog new tricks is to stop the wining and start doing things for yourself.

Answer 11

Sorry to be rude or upset you but like hes a good husband hey, how dare he go round to his mates slagging you off like that, your his wife not his bloody servant, why doesn't he pull his weight round the house, marriage is a partnership after all, he really is taking advantage of your good nature and really pushing his luck isn't he, I would do sod all for him me, let him see to things himself and see how he copes, if all hes interested in is how much money your bringing in and that your not a slave to him then I think you need to sit him down and tell him a few home truths and if he doesn't like it then tuff, you have had to put up with slagging off so far give as good as you get girl.