What should I do?

Question

My husband told me back in Nov. that he wanted a divorce and that he "He wasn't in Love with me anymore". When have been together for 12 years and still to this day we are not divorce. I don't want to get a divorce but I feel it is unfair to me to continue waiting for someone that doesn't show any chance of change. I realize that I could go ahead and file but I just was hoping to repair this marriage. We talk and are friends but I can't understand if he wants or wanted a divorce why hasn't he filed. I am sure there isn't anyone else. I think he just likes things the way they are and doesn't want to be the bad guy. Please tell me you thoughts of what I should do . To file or wait ???? Thanks

Answer 1

Just ignore it, and maybe tell him so at some appropriate time. If you still like having him around and things are going okay, just put it out of your mind and go on with life. If he was in a blue mood and the moment of depression caused that outburst was probably something you can find understandable for the sake of the depression.

If you merely find it unfair to wait for it, then don't wait--either dismiss the idea that he was serious or get your own if you can't live with him anymore.

Treat it like a dumb joke. We guys are good at saying things that we think has some strange humor value but does not. So play his game for a bit. Consider buying a car or furniture and give him the joke, "Let's see, at $120 per month, your share of the bill is $60 per month if you ever really get around to getting that divorce you talked about, and you get to keep the couch and chair for the second half of the year--but the love seat stays with me." (notice the allusion, the hint of the "love seat"). Doing that a few times and he will either get the ball rolling or take the hint and apologize for bringing it up. There is also that for the intimate moments, "Whoa, there buster, you are wearing a sock on that tonight, you're not going to get me knocked up just before you finally get around to that divorce you wanted." He'll get the hint and set things straight pretty soon.

Answer 2

If a piece of paper will give you peace of mind, then file...
It obviously is not important to him to file.. he wanted out of the relationship and has moved on.
Whether he chooses someone else of not has no relevance. Perhaps he is healing.. the stress and upset that end a relationship takes it toll on everyone onvolved... To live in a marriage whenyou don't love the other person is very hard to do and once you get out of it, you just want to forget about it.
He likes you at a distance and there is no hope of the marriage working, otherwise he would have suggested counselling of some sort.
Filing for divorce is usually a step taken by one party, who needs to divide assets or wants to remarry.
If you are not in any hurry, sit on it.....until you are ready or he is...

Answer 3

I would talk to him and tell him that if he doesnt love you anymore than why hasnt he filed it is not fair to keep you hanging on. Going through a divorce is painful enough let alone hanging on to something that isnt there. If he says he has changed his mind than you guys do your best to keep it going if he still doesnt love you but doesnt want to file then you need to so both of you can move on with your lives. I know that it is painful but it will be more painful to hold on and file later the sooner you two file the sooner you can start healing your broken heart.

Answer 4

To file

Answer 5

First of all you have to talk to him. There are are lots of problems that could be sorted if only couples learn how to comunicate properly. Talk! Try to find out what is his opinion, what is the problem. If you want to try to save your marrige - work on it, compromise.

Answer 6

you should talk to him about the divorce thing.

Answer 7

all you can do is ask him about it.