I came from a traditional family and I used to think of marriage as being the biggest achievment of a girls life time. Anyway my husband has let me down in so many ways that I left him (he would look down on me, complain of my being dependent, and I actually had to face several problems, such as shortage of food, etc). I got very disappointed with him and with marriage itself, and since I have left him I have been seeing a therapist in order to learn more about myself etc. I know I have made mistakes. Now I own my own place, work hard to pay the bills, I have the best shape of my life time, have others interests, etc and guess what? that all has caught my husbands eyes and he is willing to try again, cause I guess that is what he likes: independent women. I still have good feelings for him and a LOT of sexual desire for him. Could that work now I am more of what he likes? Would you care about giving me a piece of your mind on this, like a light opinion you would give a friend?
2006-10-16 03:32:07 · 27 answers · asked by Graça 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sound like you just got married too young. If it is not what you want at this time, then move on with your life. If at another time he is what you want and need, then try it again, but you or him should not wait around for the other. If at the end if it was meant to be, then it is meant to be. Go find yourself first.
2006-10-16 03:40:04 · answer #1 · answered by lifescircle 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You want advise I'd give my friends? OK, honey...here it goes! A sure indicator of a persons future behavior is his past behavior! Your ex is after you alright.....and for a good reason! But it's not your new independent personality that's attracting him. It's your paycheck and your home and your vulnerability that he's playing on and he is PLAYING YOU bigtime. Are you out of your friggin' mind??? You get yourself together and then throw it away on a bum that can't even feed you? If you go back to this guy, you're a fool. If you need sex, that's easy for a woman to find. Now that you're so independent, why do you need his sorry a*ss? A grown woman should know...."there is no such thing as a re-run" when it comes to men. They either do it right the first time, or you throw them to the curb. Sister, if you take him back, don't come crying to your online girls when he takes everything you worked for and starts messing with your mind and he dumps you too. NO TRIP! Forget him. Get a new phone number and a new address. And have some respect for yourself, will you please??? Godloveya!
2006-10-16 03:38:27 · answer #2 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You still have feelings for him and you should try everything in your power to make the marriage work. Just take it slow with the relationship. get to know each other again like you are just starting dating. You are in a different state of mind than you were before and he really doesn't know the new you. Dint let him get you back in the same rut as before. But I'd go for it...have fun....Knock Boots....get reacquainted.....Knock Boots....have some quality time together.......Did I say Knock Boots...But don't commit until you are absolutely sure this is what YOU want. I just think Marriage is sacred and part of Gods plan. Be Strong and do things on your terms. This all also depends if the Guy was abusive to you physically or mentally. If YOU think he deserves a 2nd chance I just say take it slow.
2006-10-16 03:52:21 · answer #3 · answered by regg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never mentioned anything about infidelity, which is the only reason for divorce authorized by God; and even then He doesn't like it, He only allows it because of hardnesss of heart and a persons inability to forgive. The feelings are still there, and obviously your husband still has them for you too. Maybe it's not just the changes he's seen in you, but the time apart could have also made him realize what he had and what he could be losing. Start back slowly if you want. It is very good for husband and wife to go out on dates, whether they are seperated or not. Give it a shot. Oh yeah, and make sure you include God in your marriage. Afterall, He is the One who created the institution of marriage.
2006-10-16 03:44:49 · answer #4 · answered by Bad Pookie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a really good look at yourself. You dealt with a shortage of food, your inventive and creative. You left your low life 'husband', your independant.
Get a new pair of boots and put them to his sorry assed face. You left him and now he suddenly realizes that he's not going ot have regular sex anymore, he now has to go out a FIND it on his own.
So he bribes you with something you 'think' you want so he can get what he wants, SEX, that's it, nothing more.
While your at it with those boots, put them to your therapist face to, he's not doing you anything except taking your money. Join a womens support group instead even if you have to join a chruch.
Sorry if I sound a little harsh but sometimes you women can be so 'dumb' when it come to guys who are assholes.
Remember, women can with hold sex, men can't, you don't need him, he needs you. This is from a guys point of view.
2006-10-16 03:50:35 · answer #5 · answered by House of Edwin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, he has treated you like crap for years and now that you gotten your act together, he wants you back?
First of all, if you can be wooed back to him by a honeymoon trip then you really don't value yourself very much. Before you even THINK about getting back with him, you BOTH need to see a therapist and work through your problems and what you both expect from a marriage. From there, I would go on dates ( NO SEX!!) with him for several months to see if he has indeed changed his tune. Trust me, if he has not changed, that will become very evident, very quickly.
2006-10-16 03:38:28 · answer #6 · answered by The Future Mrs. Tony Stewart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah...who's bill will the honey moon trip be on? Your therapist will agree with me on the fact that when your husband looks at you, he see's a new person, not the old one. It's like dating a new woman. Have you dated since you were with him? If not, you should try it. That way, you can meet someone better than him and be rid of those "feelings" for him and hopefully curb those sexual desires with someone more deserving of them.
2006-10-16 03:39:29 · answer #7 · answered by b-rad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep your Independence. You have worked to get away from a domineering husband, remember?
As far as sexual desire, there are a lot of fish in the sea.
You don't need a honeymoon with an ex. Good idea for him; bad idea for you.
2006-10-16 03:37:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I personally would not go back. I think it's a self respect thing because you are still the same person you were before and he is just going to find someting else to nag you about. If it's not being too dependent it's something else....and do you really want to take the chance and let him bring you back to where you were before? You deserve better....
2006-10-16 03:37:56 · answer #9 · answered by sunday 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love marriage. I think couples should do everything in their power to work out good relationships. And if there is no abuse or neglect, then there is more good than bad. It sounds like this is your case. Go for it. Go get your man. Fall in love again, enjoy your honeymoon and work work work on your love for life. (But keep a little independence to keep him interested!!)
2006-10-16 03:43:15 · answer #10 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋