My husband Cheated and.....?

Question

I want to know if the whole "once a cheater always a cheater" is true for every man out there. I never thought hed ever cheat in the 1st place..... People keep telling me they think he did it because he was stressed. But i had the same issues PLUS being pregnant and taking care of our 2 toddlers. He cheated when our 3rd was a week old, tell me i wasnt more stressed!!! His only excuse was he was working a 2nd part time job. but we BOTH lost our house to foreclosure and BOTH share the money problems.

I just want to know if its possible for him to stay faithful. he says it was only 1 time and he knows it was the biggest mistake of his life and hell never do it again.

I caught him. Actually the stupid Girl he did it with told me.... she thought i was him because i was on his myspace and started going off on "him" because hes just like every other man shes been with and just used her..... DUH, hes married!!!!!
I confronted him and he kept saying all he did was kiss her so i stared him down and he finally was like "If i tell you will you promise not to leave" When he said those words i knew what was coming next.
he said he didnt tell me because he f***ed up and he didnt want to lose me and his kids because he knows he needs me and only loves me.
And i know he didnt cheat because we have a bad sex life......... we have sex at least twice a day, everyday. So he is satisfied.

Answer 1

i'd say he's learned his lesson. It's the one's who don't get caught quick that think they can get away with something. Did he confess to you or did you just catch him? either way, i doubt it would happen twice.

Answer 2

No I'm sorry sweetie, but by him getting away with it and you just staying with him, it's just going to make him be little bit more sneakier and really try hard not to get caught next time. As woman stand up for yourself make that man suffer, cheating should not be taken lightly. You don't need to be with a man because you have kids, trust me and there are plenty of men who will play daddy, and you need realize this. And if you trully want to stay with him then You better make him realize that too!
First you need to listen to Beyonce's song Irreplacable about 5 times in a row.
And then if you guys are living together, you need to leave and take the kids. Be serious about it and do it when he's not there. When he gets home he'll be in shock and when he calls you. Let him know that he must got you mixed up for a stupid girl cause he is not the last man on earth and there are plenty out there who can be faithful to you. BE CONFIDENT!!! let him know your giving him space since he's soooo stressed, and when you come back to your senses then maybe you can talk.
But don't call him, do not sweat him at all. Being in that house all alone and with out his family there will drive him crazy I'd give it a week to two weeks,.
The point is to get it through his head that you are a STRONG woman and you do not NEED him, so he will get his act together. And make it perfectly clear if he pulls this again. HE"S packing his stuff next time and will not be moving back!!!

Answer 3

I'm sorry but I don't have the answer. I cheated on my first husband I would never cheat on my second one. Can you truly forgive him or will you mistrust him forever?
Stress was no excuse for him to cheat although feeling a lack of love or respect might be. You have 3 little ones, if you still love him in spite of this go for counselling and try to make it through this mess. Both of you need to find out what your marriage was lacking and fix it. Marriage breakdown happens when two people are not working towards a common goal. He sounds like he is sorry for what happened.

Answer 4

It sounds like that happened due to all the stress in your house. Why not give him another chance? Sounds like there were extenuating circumstances. Women, biologically speaking, are less likely to cheat. For the most part. I would assume its possible for him to stay faithful, it really sounds like it was just a bump in the road. Maybe get some counseling from trusted family or friends together, or seek professional help for the two of you. I feel for you, all you two have been through is more than most people deserve to have to deal with. Hang in there!!

Answer 5

No matter what you decide to do you will face some sort of problems. If you stay, you have to learn to forgive and that is hard. If you leave, you have kids together so you have to work on your relationship ever after the divorce and you willhave to forgive him then as well or it will hurt you and your kids. Also, I've seen a number of divorced couples who end up working harder on their relationship after the divorce than they did when married because of problems with their kids. Keep in mind that most of the advice on here comes from people who have not been in a relationship that lasted more than six months.

Answer 6

It can go both ways. If he honestly knows that he messed up and that he doesnt want to lose because of something like that then he probably wont cheat again. But if he just said that to make you feel better then odds are he will cheat again. I have seen these situations work out both ways. It just depends on what he really wants to do. And whether he is being honest with you about it. Good luck and I hope things work out for you and your family.

Answer 7

Anything is possible. However, I couldn't say if he'll do it again and neither can you. Only time will tell. There is no excuse for him to do it in the first place. If you both are strong enough to make it through then your marriage may work. You are the one to decide if you can live life looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life. Always wondering. Good luck..L

Answer 8

That's so hard on you, how awful for you. Really it is up to the individual relationship, some people can and do get over an affair, you will need to search your heart and soul and see if you really honestly can forgive him (like not keep bringing it up if you have an argument in future). I have been married twice, both husbands cheated on me, I dumped them straight away, but that was just me, you must do what you feel is best for you and your family.

Answer 9

men don't cheat because they are stressed, they cheat because they are not happy. obviously, there is something wrong with relationship & he is too much of a coward to tell you. There is absoulty no excuse for a man to cheat on his wife esp. not so soon after the birth of their 3rd child. You should never allow him to make you feel like or think that his lack of moral character is in any way shape or form your fault. Take him to the cleaners, honey.

Answer 10

I don't think that whole once a cheater always a cheater thing is true at all! It's a bunch of crap. It's like saying and alcoholic will NEVER stop drinking or an addict will NEVER stop using....it's crap. People CAN and DO change everyday!

If you love him, give him the benefit of a doubt.....and NEVER stop talking to HIM about how you feel and how he feels....good luck honey.

Answer 11

My husband was married to his first wife for 22 years and cheated on her once, shortly after she'd had their 3rd child. They separated for a while and then got back together. He said cheating on her was the biggest mistake of his life, and he never did it again. He still regrets it, even though they're divorced.

Incidentally, about 10 years after the incident, she left him for another man.