i have gone out with my partner for 8 years, we have lived together for 4 years. i finished my degree at university 3 years ago to which the plan was with my partner that when i completed the course we would move to a larger home and start a family-that was three years ago and we are still living in the same one bedroomed house-which the mortgage is only in his name. i am 29 years of age and my partner is 32. for the last 10 months i have been in a one way relationship, wanting to know where this relationship is going, i constantly am made to feel guilty for wanrting normal things such as a family. my partner has constantly told me that we will be moving and starting a family-however i have only recently found out from him that he has been saying this to keep me. my partner has told me he wants a family and to move he just doesnt want to do it yet! i am 29 ad feel i am wasting my life with him. im open to any ideas, opinions , support and advice.
2006-10-16 03:26:05 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
give him an unltimatum... either you are serious about us or not. and if your not then i am going to find someone that is.
you go girl.
2006-10-16 03:29:41 · answer #1 · answered by Emma B 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I dont really think that we strangers are the best people to advise you - but I would suggest that you need to decide what's more important to you? starting a family? being happy? or being with him? - do you think it likely that a combination of those 3 will happen?
You need to talk to him, properly. Find out when, if not now, he is planning on moving, having children etc? i.e. within 1yrs? 2yrs? etc. or ask him to say honestly, if he just doesnt really see it happening anytime in the near future.
A friend of mine was 33, she had been with her partner for 6yrs. She got pregnant, something they had always talked about but not actually planned for. He said he wasnt ready and didnt want a baby. - Long and complicated bit in the middle. But eventually she left him. 1yr later met someone else - like her, keen to have a family, a year after that they bought a house together, she found out she was pregnant. They are now married and have two kids and beautiful house. Had she stayed with her first love, she admits she would probably still be in the same flat, unfulfilled and childless....
But you, need to decide, what is best for YOU.
2006-10-16 03:34:22 · answer #2 · answered by Pington 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you one thing from experience, if you presssure him into doing something he doesn't feel ready for, it will end in tears, neither of you will be happy. A relationship is a two way thing, if you can't live with what he currently wants then move on. It may also be that he recognises this and doesn't want to make a commitment to you, but doesn't know how to handle it.
2006-10-16 03:36:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's using his commitment phobia as an excuse...sweetie if i were you i would give him the ultimatum....if he continues to ignore your requests...then leave him...the mortgage is in his name so moving away would not be a problem for you...also find someone who is willing to settle down, love you and have children with you...the clock is ticking for you honey...he does not want to go to the next level...and never has, he's stalling you at every given chance...move on and make a life for yourself...don't stay in a one way relationship...i did for a while i an i became increasingly unhappy until i woke up one day and told myself that there's a better life out there for me, if he didn't want to participate then that was his loss...i am very happy now and i have a new life
2006-10-16 03:35:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he isn't really ready for a family, but it does seem like he does really love you.
What you need to do is go to him and tell him how you are feeling and that you feel like he is stringing you along and lying to you to keep you there, and thats not ok. He needs to tell you how he is feeling and what he wants. So that you both can make a decison and decide if you need to move on with the relationship or move on with your life. Because at the rate this is going you are getting no where fast and not getting any younger.
Best Wishes and Good Luck.
2006-10-16 03:32:09 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to be firm and tell him exactly how you feel. You tell him that you feel that you are being strung along. You have equal rights in this relationship do not give him all the power. It is your flat as well, regardless of the name on the mortgage. Be strong and go for what you want. Good luck
2006-10-16 03:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by simon m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always a shame when you realise you've waisted long time pointlessly with someone, but this isn't going to go no where. You deserve better plus if you want kids your body isn't getting any younger. Move one girl and find someone who will want all the same things as you do from the start. Best of luck.
2006-10-16 03:32:06 · answer #7 · answered by angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is just telling you what you want to hear to keep you there. You should move on and find someone that wants the same things that you want right now. Maybe you leaving will make him realize that he needs to make the commitment or he will lose you forever.
2006-10-16 03:39:51 · answer #8 · answered by daquiet_one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's keen to bypass to counseling than bypass at the same time that way he can sense the help, yet additionally he's admitting that he has a difficulty. take a seat with him and tell him what you had to bypass to the subsequent step and why its significant. If he somewhat is going to scientific care then supply him a 2d to discern it out. yet while he does not then you definately could desire to bypass on and enable somebody else get exhilaration from you!
2016-12-08 15:42:00 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have said it yourself, you are wasting your life, if you feel like that you need to get out of the relationship and move on, as you only seem to have negative feelings about the relationship so maybe it is time to move out and move on good luck
2006-10-16 03:30:41 · answer #10 · answered by bluebell 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If in your guts feeling tell you that he is not prepared to commit with you, and as you described, that must be true then.....
Don't waste your time anymore as you deserve better than to be a 'just for now' girlfriend.....
2006-10-16 03:33:26 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋