iv been with him for the last 5 yrs we have a pretty baby girl. for the last 2yrs we'v been havin probs. i have to ask him to hold me in bed of which he wil for a short while then say its too hot n turn the other side. he stopped kissin me even when we makin love n even when im sad or low he wont ask me whats wrong. i feel there's somethin wrong because even when i tell him im feelin sad or low he tells me to stop thinkin so much. iv told him severally that when i tel him my feelings im not expectin a " don think so much" but a hug, a cuddle or some attention but no.! this makes me feel lonely esp because he's always on the phone writtin messages if not watching a movie which he concentrates fully. what should i do iv brought the topic up several times n he says he's sorry n it wont happen again but it happens again n again. i feel so bad askin for affection from him yet he flurts so much with my friends n other woman. if he's so sweet to other people why is he not with me? help..
2006-10-16 02:54:30 · 16 answers · asked by liz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It doesn't mean that he is giving it to someone else. There could be many reasons affecting him. He could be stressed out about something. Maybe he is getting used to the marriage. It's sad, but sometimes people lose the sweet sentimental stuff. It's not that he is not interested and it doesn't have to mean that he is cheating either. I wouldn't know what to say about the flirting. Unless it is just what he knows as friendly interraction between a man and a woman. (not that I agree with that).
2006-10-16 03:03:58 · answer #1 · answered by fayra_elm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a case of "over whelming responsibility". This happens a lot with men. Especially after children. It's similar to our Post Partum Depression, only with men it doesn't always happen right when the kid comes. It could take a couple years. My husband had it, and his reaction was very similar to what you just described. We went to counseling, and it helped a little. You could try going to counseling on your own. When your husband sees a change in you, he will also begin changing. He might really not even know what he's doing. Also check into a few books about marriage. Those also helped me. It can get better. What I would suggest right this moment, is to not ask him for anything right now. Give him a few weeks to himself. Get those books, and start reading. Here are a couple of titles that may help.
"Hidden keys of a loving, lasting marriage" by Gary Smalley
"10 Stupid things Couples do to mess up their relationship" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
"The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
Trust me, these books are great. You should read them when you have time to yourself. Take them seriously, and read with an open mind. Don't read them all at once. Maybe a few chapters a day. I would almost guarantee your husband is feeling down, reluctant and over whelmed. He may be a bit depressed too. He also might not want to deal with it, so he pushes it away like it's nothing. But this will affect his behavior with you. It might not seem fair right now, but the change in your relationship is going to be dependant on you, and you starting it with yourself. He will come around. Patience and determination. Good luck!
2006-10-16 03:04:53 · answer #2 · answered by kari w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are definetelly not alone!I have the same problem. We are together for over 15 years. Two kids - boy 11 years and a girl 13 months. We had ups and downs in our relationship but this time it hit all the time low. At one point I realized that we haven't had sex for almost a year! He is always on his PC. Sometimes till 2am, and when he comes to bed I am normally asleep. I started to think that he is doing that on purpose- to avoid me, to avoid making love to me. I've lost my selconfidence. I've not been able to lose weight after having a baby (13 months ago!). I started to think that I am old, ugly and fat and no wonder that my hansom husband doesn't want me any more. When I finally decided to talk to him, mostly he listened, I didn't get many answers. But he assured me that he is not seeing anyone else. I haven't tried counselling yet. Feel sorry for you! I know how you feel! Sincerely hope that your situation will improve.
2006-10-16 03:19:02 · answer #3 · answered by Ioulia C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just want to say I know exactly what your going through. There is a possiblity that he may have someone else. Well that is what I found out with my ex husband. He was as sweet as can be with others but when it came to me he was just so cold and distant. I suggest some further investigating. That is what I did and found out my instincts were right after all. Sending you lots of hugs and I hope you can get to the bottom of this.
2006-10-16 02:58:46 · answer #4 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have tried better communication, but that only works if both parties participate. Your next step it to try a marriage councilor, either separately or together.
Keep trying as long as you believe there is hope for a change. Your baby girl deserves to grow up in a loving environment and not see her parents unhappy.
2006-10-16 03:01:20 · answer #5 · answered by lunatic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is trying to pretend that everything is ok and make u feel as if u are the only one who sees a problem while for him everything is fine. I would just say "dont pretend everything is fine because it isnt, i can not stand this anymore, i want you, i love you, i want our relationship to be better, just tell me what is wrong with you, how u feel, is there something that worries you, is there something we can work out together, is there soemething i can do different?" dont let him doubt your feelings or thoughts, but be open to his as well. try a couple counsellor before its too late. take care
2006-10-16 03:06:23 · answer #6 · answered by kourtina1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy is seeing someone else. he still has affection for you but it's not the same like in the beginning. He's only staying for the convenience and because of his daughter. He's definitely giving his affection elsewhere. Sorry.
2006-10-16 02:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said he is always on the phone answering messages. Messages from other women perhaps? Sounds like he is too busy man whoring his self around to even think about making you happy. He's putting you on the back burner while he fools around. If i were you i'd keep tabs on his azz and see just what the hell he is up to.
2006-10-16 02:58:45 · answer #8 · answered by llldeliciously_kissablelll 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
let me tell you something I've been married for 10 years now and i can say that I've been there and I'm still there begging and trying to get my husbands attention for the past 5 years. if i knew the answer i would tell you, but i just wanted you to know that your not alone. i hope you get your answer and that everything works out for you.
2006-10-16 03:01:27 · answer #9 · answered by greeneyed_angel362002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometime undesirable climate could be quite perplexing and tiring to be out in whether basically for some days. looks such as you men ought to talk approximately who needs/gets what......make a compromise...you get rims on your truck/automobile....next i'm getting my fixtures....or in spite of. i could provide him some days perhaps each week or so and spot if he feels to any extent further desirable. Be better constructive to him perhaps....lower back rub or something....perhaps he desires help getting comfortable..... reliable success!
2016-10-19 11:57:46 · answer #10 · answered by briscoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋