he comes home at dawn and says nothing?

Question

why do men treat women as if they are beasts, is being quite a solution? he waits for me to ask otherwise if i cant then there is quitness in the house because am not comfortable in my heart. what shud i do? with no parents

Answer 1

He's either having a really good time, or a really bad one. It's easy to assume the former, but without knowing your man it's hard to tell.

We men are very bad at talking about our feelings. When things get on top of us, we can retreat inside ourselves, and sometimes even take ourselves physically away. This is particularly common if the problem is so big that we know we can't deal with it ourselves, but feel that we OUGHT to be able to.

From the section you've chosen to place this question is, I guess you've recently had a baby. Maybe he feels utterly daunted by this, feels like he can't look after both of you the way he should. Maybe it's all turned into something he never really prepared himself for. He might have been getting away to think about it - or to stop himself thinking about it.

It's important to know where he's been spending those nights - if it's in somebody else's bed, that's probably unforgivable (only you can make that call). But if he's been driving around in a daze, he might really need to talk to you about it but not know where to start. That's impossible to tell from this distance - you'll have to judge. But he probably knows how he's treating you and feels awful about it.

The fact that you're not talking is a real problem, and you will have to get him to open up to you. It's important that you don't add to any pressure he's feeling, and that you don't come across as blaming him or accusing him of doing anything, or of being unable to cope. But you have to tell him that you're scared, that you don't want to lose him, but you need him to let you in on whatever it is that's worrying him. Let him know he can talk to you without you judging him (and if he does start to talk, let him finish without interrupting him, however much you want to say).

Let him know that you can work through this - whatever it is - together, and that you really want a future which is the two of you and the baby as a family, but that it's not fair to expect you to get through these difficult months (and hevan knows they're difficult) without his support. And it's not fair on you to keep you in the dark on whatever's worrying him - you might even be able to help.

I hope you can get over this hurdle - there are more than enough splintered lives out there already, without another young family falling apart - but if he won't open up, if the two of you can't talk through whatever problems there are, then there's no lasting future in it.

Answer 2

You say you have no parents. Does this mean you feel you have no one to turn to for help? I'm sorry to hear that if it is true.
Do you work? Have a job? That's the first step to independence.
If he's not coming home all night long, he's probably seeing someone anyway. So you're vulnerable in case he leaves you. I'd start sorting my life out - go down to the JobSeekers and get a job. Once you've got that, you can start making decisions of your own. Like renting a room or something.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Honestly? My partner used to do this all the time and it upset me yet I still said nothing. We'd just had a new baby you see!! Then I got my social life back, and after spending the last year being pregnant and not going out at all I realised how easy it is to stay at a club till 4/5 or go back to mates for a drink... and the fact I used to give him earache made me realise, do I really want to go home drunk and not ready for bed when all he is gonna do is a) sleep, or b) give me a hard time for being out so late. So I prob think if it is after he's been clubbing don't be too suspicious, although let him know u'll always find out if he is cheating. If he's doing this for no reason tho by just disappearing, try doing it to him, it'll soon stop - BELIEVE ME!!!!!!!

Answer 4

You need to find the strength to tell him that you are unhappy and want answers. Tell him what you are unhappy about and what you feel should change. If he wont agree and you cant reach a happy medium then he's not the man for you. Give up on him love and eventually you'll find the man thats right for you and who will love and respect you. In the meantime put your child/children first. If there is a bad atmosphere at home it will affect children far more than you realise. Whichever way it goes - I wish you luck x

Answer 5

why are you staying if you are so unhappy? If the reason is material as in he owns the house, he brings in the money etc. then you need to start making a plan to eventually get out of the unhappy situation. He is the father of your child I am assuming, maybe you two should go for a bit of counselling? It's a difficult situation and will only get worse if ignored.

Answer 6

I know it is difficult especially if you love him. He obviously has no respect for you. Be bigger than him - you are letting him get away with it. Next time wait for him to walk in do him a drink and then ask him quietly where he has been. If it has been with another woman (or man)- pour the drink over his b****. Life is to short dont be treated like crap. You say you have no family - do you have friends.

Answer 7

Sweetheart. Start looking for a different location, he may support you, he may be the only person in your world, but we should never let ourselves be abused. Your only on this planet once and it should be a good time, not a time spent shackled to someone who is willing to torture you emotionally. Look for a solution, confrontation may not be it, but there are people available to advise you start with your local Citizens Advice Bureau. Best of Luck

Answer 8

Being quiet is not the solution.
You deserve respect.
If you have no support without parents, speak to your GP or Citizens advice bureau, they will help you find a new place and put you in touch with those who can help you.

I wish you the best.

Answer 9

SHE comes home at dawn and says nothing! Turn the table on the asshole! Sounds like he's weak minded. If you stayed out all night, I'll bet he would fall apart!

Answer 10

Get rid of this guy. You're better than that, and you deserve to be happy. You'll eventually find someone who appreciates you the way you should be appreciated. And use the time between relationships for some "you" time. Enjoy being single and get to know yourself.