OK Ladies this one is for you. I need some help.?

Question

I have been married to my wife for three years now and I love her very much. But I moved my 15 year old daughter in with us and my wife is very vindictive toward her. Sometimes I am not sure which one is the child. It has been very difficult because since my daughter has been here I can't seem to keep a job because I end up feeling like I have to be here to referee. I just don't know what to do.

Answer 1

OHHH HONEY ARE YOU IN FOR IT........YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU CANT BE IN ANY OF THEM SIDE.THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GET ALONG... COUNSELING AND STAYING STRONG IS THE ONLY THING I CAN TELL YOU... YOU SEE IM RAISING MY HUSBANDS SEVEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER SHE IS NO ORDINARY SEVEN YEAR OLD WHEN SHE CAME HERE SHE WAS CONVINCE SHE COULD END OUR MARRIAGE SO SHE COULD KEEP HER DADDY TO HER SELF... I HAD TO FIGHT WELL NOT FIGHT BUT I HAD TO SEE HER EYE TO EYE..I HAD GAINED MY STEP DAUGHTERS RESPECT BY LETTING HER KNOW THAT I WOULD LOVE HER LIKE SHE IS MY OWN BUT SORRY CANT TAKE HER SHITTTT.. LOL.
YOUR WIFE IS GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER WITHOUT YOU... SHE HAS TO BE HONEST WITH THIS GIRL SHE IS GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE TIME WITH HER AND HAVE HEART TO HEART TALKS WITH HER,AFTER ALL SHE IS THE GROWN PERSON SHE CANT LET A TEEN GIRL PLAY MIND GAMES WITH HER,YOUR DAUGHTER SEES YOUR WIFE AS COMPETITION SHE IS THE OTHER WOMAN AND IS ALL ABOUT WHO GETS MORE ATTENTION FROM YOU... YOU DONT HAVE TO REFEREE BUT YOU DO HAVE TO STICK WITH YOUR WIFE.AS MUCH AS YOU CAN... YOUR WIFE HAS TO BE THE MATURE ONE THOUGH.GET SOME FAMILY COUNSELING. GOOD LUCK I REALLY FEEL YOUR PAIN I LIVED YOUR SAME NIGHTMARE BUT THE SECRET IS TO STAY IN CONTROL. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 2

I would think that instead of being vindictive towards her she would be pleased to have your daughter there. Your daughter is 15yrs old she should want to become friends with your daughter & your daughter should also want to become friends with her as well.They could go out shopping, talk, and just do things together that a daughter is not comfortable doing with her father. They should not fight and be in competition to see who you love the most. That is very childish on not only your wife's part but also your daughter's part as well because she is !5 and that is the age when she should be understanding the situation not causing you problems with your wife.. If your daughter has just moved in with you and your wife, then you should just give it a little more time and let them begin to grow closer and get to know one another better. It might be that they are still a little bit weary of eachother because they are debating on who you love the most even though they know that you love them both. But I don't think that that should cause you to not beable to work. Your daughter is 15, not 5. I would think that it would be much harder for a younger child to grow accustomed to your new wife then it would for your teenage daughter too.
I wish all of you the best of luck!

Answer 3

How is she being vindictive? Sure your daughter isn't just telling you stories? Watch it, at 15 they have split personalities. Have you actually witnessed this yourself or is it just your daughter telling you things? If it's your daughter lying, I'd get on her real good and explain that although she is number 1 in your life, you wife is right up there too and she will have to learn to respect the wife no matter how she feels towards her. If it is the wife doing your daughter wrong, I'd boot her out the house until she learns how to treat a child. No matter the age, a child shouldn't be the target for anger or jealousy.

Answer 4

Yes its hard being the one in the middle nd it will never stop... ever... however if u back ur wife up more she may tend to soften towards ur daughter since the tug of war wil be over/// remember 15 yr olds can be difficult and confused...if u dont do this then leave ur wife cos there is no other answer. Your daughter does need u but she also needs to know that most decisions are made by you both bfore anything is set down in rules... so tell her if ur wife does something its usually discussed first and she needs to know this. if two parents fight over a decision the child will pick up on this and react. There is less reaction of the decision is mutual and binding. This automatically stop the child trying to manipulate things. Then after this step has been done u can try and talk to wife about putting herself in ur kids shoes more often.

Answer 5

You have to remember that your wife is now the outsider. Yes, you've been married for 3 years, but in reality she is. Your daughter is the biological bond and reminder of your first wife or girlfriend. Not to mention a threat to your wife's alpha rank. Be sure to do happy family things together, and try to get them to build a friendship. That's all you can hope for right now. Do not let your wife ever discipline your child, it will create resentment. You, as a father and husband, must set clear rules and guidelines. You can't just wing it in a situation like this and hope for the best. Both your wife and daughter need to learn to respect each other. They may not like each other, but they must respect each other. (note*teenagers have troubles with this, but perservance and good examples from you and your wife will ensure that respect will eventually happen). Your wife needs to grow up and realize that she is an adult and that she must act like one. It is no good for your family if you can't keep a job because of their ridiculous fighting and selfish behaviors. If your wife says she's acting like an adult and you know she isn't, then record her with either a video camera or a tape recorder and play it back for her when she is in a rational state of mind. Sometimes in the heat of anger, it's hard to see how you really are behaving. Recording her, could wake her up.

Answer 6

Your daughter was around before your wife, and always will be, your wife knew when she married you about your daughter, try sitting down and talking to you wife, she might be feeling a little jealous, also try talking to your daughter to see what is going on with her. Make sure you and your wife have at least one night an evening that is just for the two of you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Raising fifteen year olds is hard but raising a step daughter is very hard, nearly impossible. You have to make it VERY clear to your daughter that you stand behind your wife on all matters! Then find a job and forget what is going on at home. When you are there and get to hear all the days nonsense you stand behind your wife! When they both know where you stand things will smooth out (as much as it can when raising a teen). Your wife acts the way she does because teens are horrible creatures and your daughter is acting the way she does because she IS the horrible creature and she has a step mother to torcher. Your wife needs to know she can rely on you. Talk and decide what the rules and consequences are in your house and stick to them. Good luck, you need it....

Answer 8

Honey your wife is jeolous...Its time for you to show that you wear the pants and the belt and step it up!!! Sit your wife down and let her know that yes that is your daughter and she does and will always come first but that doesnt mean that you dont love her any less than when your daughter wasnt there and you also have to sit your daughter down and let her no yes she's your daughter but thats your wife and there will be no disrespecting her in anyway shape or form and of course you must tell your wife the same thing about your daughter. Good luck and remember YOU wear the pants and the belt!!!

Answer 9

OOHHH my GOODNESSS I was in the same situation with my soon to be ex-husband!! First of all has your wife and teenage daughter had a relationship before moving in with you, and how does your daughter's mom feel about your wife? I ask these questions because for one my ex-husband is 13 years older than me I'm 26 and his daughter has been used to seeing her Dad with different women, so for him to settle down with me and marry me his daughter wasn't to pleased with that. I had legal gaurdianship of her since she was 12 years old. She was also used to seeing her Mom with different men. So instead of her embracing stability she envyed it. Me and my step-daughter got along fine until I married her Dad. My x-Husband found himself not knowing how to balance the relationships with either one of us. He worked alot which meant I was home with her more, and I had a easy set of rules for the house that I wanted her to follow, just the basic clean the kitchen at night vaccum the living room and dining room, and keep up on your studies, and if the chores weren't done I'd get upset. And won't mentetion it to my step-daughter but I would wait until she ask me for money for leisure or to go somewhere for leisure and I would tell her no and I would explain why and she would get mad talk smart and be very disrespectful. Then my x husband would ask me about it after already giving her what it was she wanted without earning it. He has numerous of times ..."thats my daughter and I want her to feel apart of the family" and I would explain to him family work together and if she had chores to do they are expected to get done. Why should I have to work and then come home and clean up after a teenager, I wouldn't even allow my own kids to get away with not doing chores. My xhusband forgot that I was his wife and I come first, just like he was my husband he came before the 2 kids that we have together. Remember your daughter can't do the things for and to you that your wife can, when times get rough your wife will be there to help relieve some of the stress in ways that a child cannot. Also if your daughters Mom or her other family don't really care for your wife or respect your wife neither will she. And if you don't respect your wife in front of your daughter she will use that and play against you both. Don't talk nasty to your wife infront of your daughter nor don't ever take your daughters side just to make her feel like she is just important to you as your wife. Thats wrong!!! Look into the situations very carefully and make sure it's your wife being vindictive, being angry and feeling disrespected, or feeling like a child is allowed to be disrespectful is not vindictive, it's natural.

Answer 10

OK, so in my opinion the problem is, that your wife is jealous and possessive. Why? Because your daughter is from another woman, because she thinks she has to compete with her (to win your love).Talk to her, try to make clear to her, that she is the one you love, with whom you want to have children (if it is the case), and that she shouldn't think about your ex wife when she looks at your daughter. You also have to talk to your daughter, and explain her, that your wife doesn't want to take the place of her mother, and assure her that you understand her, that it's hard.
Tell your wife, that you can't change the past! She has to accept the whole package!
Just ask both of them, to give the other one a chance! For you!

Answer 11

Take your daughter and leave. Your current wife is jealous of her and this will not go away. You do however have a responsibility to give your child a safe and in a tolerable environment. When your child is grown then you will be available for the wife (if you still want her) .